When Resistance Bands are Wrapped Around My Plans

The course for the Chicago Urbanathlon 2013.

It all started out with a goal. A hope. A desire.

Urbanathlon 2013 (click here).

I ran the race in a relay in 2010 and then completed the whole race in 2011 (click here), but since then, let's just say, I've 'fallen off the work-out wagon.' It's not that I'm terribly out of shape, it's just that I'm not nearly as strong as I used to be (way) back then.

And so, about a month ago, I made a plan and I ran.

I started with three miles and worked my way up to seven miles, pretty quickly.

I was encouraged (read -- pumped) until the second time I ran seven miles.  It was then that hip pain settled in.  A deep boring pain in both hips was my constant companion. Whether I was running or not, it was there.  Walking, sitting, standing, lying down, I had pain.

I'll spare the details, but turns out (after seeing a professional) that I have weak hip and gluteal muscles.  The pain is mostly due to 'other' muscles tightening to help compensate for weak ones.  My compensatory hip muscles are over-firing, thus very tight, while the ones that should be strong, are terribly weak.  Did I mention that I was in a lot of pain? 

So, I was put on a running restriction and given a strengthening and stretching exercise program.  In addition, the doctor offered to work on the tight areas to help give me relief of my pain. 

It's not how I thought it would go.

Now, instead of racking up my miles and feeling good about myself for the accomplishments I make, I'm waddling back and forth across my family room with a blue resistance band strapped around my ankles, strengthening muscles that need to be strong. And I'm lying on the ground, stretching muscles that need to be relaxed. 

It's not what I planned.

I've been thinking, it's not all that different from portions of my life.

Sometimes, it's not how I thought it would go. 

It's not what I planned.

And God has other plans. I have weak areas, that I may or may not be aware of and I have tight areas in my life, that over-compensate for those weak areas -- defense mechanisms. 

Instead of going the distance and working towards the goals in my own way, God grounds me and says, "No, we're going to do it this way.  There are some ares in your life, my dear, that need to be strengthened and some areas that need to be stretched."

I don't like it. I like my orderly, organized plans that I can see and understand and check off with pride along the way. I like doing things my way.

I don't like going short distances with resistance bands wrapped around my plans.

But God knows the perfect plan.

I'm pausing on that point today. 

God knows the perfect plan for my life and what it takes for me to run the race He has marked out for me. 

I'm still hoping to run the Urbanathlon in October, and hopefully, I may even run it better, by slowing down now and focusing on the areas that need to be stronger and areas that need to be stretched.

And somehow, I'm thinking that is the case for me in some areas of my life.  God knows what He is doing.  He doesn't leave me on my own, but institutes an 'exercise and strengthening program' for my good, and He takes His Holy, healing hands, and works to give me relief, as well.

I may not understand why He does what He does or how He does it, but I am trying to trust His ways.

What Does Your Heart Say?

I hustled in to the hospital, clutching the hand of my ten year old daughter.

“Let’s hurry, dear.  We only have a few minutes to visit our friend Mary and then we’ll need to get home to make dinner.”

I turned right and headed down the hallway past the gift shop.  No time for shopping today. 

As I passed by the showcase filled with jewelry and picture frames, I caught a glimpse of a square plaque with the words,

“What does your Heart say?”

written across the front, spelled out in scraps of newspaper print.

I stopped.

And I thought.

“What is my heart saying?”

Am I not only hustling here and there but hustling past my heart?

It’s what I’m working on this week with the Lord.

I'm not positive that He put that plaque there just for me, but I’m starting to think He just might have, and so I’m having a good “heart to heart” with Him about my heart.

I went back the next day and bought the plaque and have it on my desk. It’s prompting me to ponder and to pray.

What is my heart saying?

It seems to have a lot to say. A lot about how I’m feeling. A lot about the Lord. And a lot about those I love. And so, so much more. There’s a lot packed in there and I’m looking to the Lord to help me unpack it, bit by bit.

And I venture to say there just may be a lot on your heart, too.

May I encourage you? I do not know what your heart is saying, dear reader, but I know the One who does.  Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”

I’m taking refuge and pouring my heart out to Him, and although I am short on answers, I am counting on Him to help you and to help me.  

Looking for Spring

My daffodils covered with snow -- mid-storm.

I wasn’t – am not – so convinced, even though I do know better.

Two days after the official arrival of Spring per the calendar, blowing snow and frigid temperatures dropped in for a visit.

And stayed.

That was one week ago, yesterday.  This morning the thermometer still read in the low twenties when I woke up.  It’s been like that all week.

Technically Spring. Visually Winter.

The 8 + inches of snow that fell during the snowstorm has hardly melted at all. Things appear to be a standstill. The daffodils out my front door are fighting it out with Winter. The trees are nurturing their buds still within their branches.  The first birds of Spring who arrived two weeks ago, are now cocking their heads in confusion, as they flock together, wondering if they miscalculated their flight plans.  

Winter, with its cold claws around Spring, seems to be trying to hold back all things Spring. Rather bold. Rather disappointing. Rather annoying.

I’m asking the Lord to remind me that despite outward appearances, He’s always at work. I’m trusting that Spring will come.  It has year after year, eventually.

So it is with life at times.  Things aren’t always clear. It can get confusing. Maybe even annoying and disappointing. Or more.

I have lots of questions, and I’m asking them – not so much about the weather, but more about Him and about me.   

And I’m also asking the Lord to help me understand and to help me grow. 

These are times to trust. Times to remember what the Lord has done before. Times to believe, not always what we see, but Whom we know.

Like my little daffodils, I’ll persevere and continue to believe --  looking for Spring.

Pondering -- for WHOM do I do what I do?

I’ll be straightforward and honest with you – I’ve been struggling. I’ve been wrestling it out with myself and God, wondering if this whole writing and teaching thing are really for me.  And even though my friends (well, some of my friends) and seasoned writers are encouraging me to persevere, I just can’t seem to shake it.

And to top it all off -- God seems to be terribly silent of late … until, yesterday.  When, for a brief moment, He caught my attention.

At a most unexpected time, in a most unexpected way, I heard His familiar whisper in the center of my soul. 

“Andrea, I see you that you hung a new picture on the wall.”

“Yes, I did, Lord.  Lily painted it! I love it and I just had to put it in this special place.”

“Tell me about it, dear.”

“Well,” I said in my head with delight, “I watched her from across the room. I saw her get on her over sized art smock and prepare her paints, squirting them out on her palette and mixing them together.  I watched her as she took the plain white canvas and began to create with freedom and joy. I saw her sketch out what she envisioned in her mind, thoughtfully and intentionally. I admired the way she smiled as she cocked her head back and forth and I loved watching her delicate hands grip the paint brush, as little by little she laid down color next to color, forming the pretty picture of the Easter egg.”

“And then what happened?”

“Then she gave it to me, Lord. She said, “Here Mommy, I painted it for you! I hope you like it!”  I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her and hung it in a place where I can see it all the time – in my kitchen – because it brings me joy and it is a representation of her love.”

“I see,” said the Lord. “Are you disappointed in it?”

“Why, of course not, Lord. She made it and I love her.”

“Are you sad that it is not in the Louvre?”

“Well, no Lord. I like it right here. It does not matter to me whether it is in a museum or not. It came from her heart and it is beautiful in my eyes.”

“My  dear child, Andrea.  This is how I feel about you and how I look at what you do for me.   I know that you are concerned about your writing and teaching, what I may be doing in it and through it and what I may not. I know you are concerned about what you should do next, where you should submit, and how you should write differently.  Indeed, you are concerned about the what, the where and the how of your writing, and I understand that, but – listen carefully -- for Whom do you do what you do?”

“You see, Andrea, I think what you write is beautiful. I watch you when you write.  I see how it brings you joy to take a blank piece of paper and color it with words and phrases. It pleases Me when you take My truths and write them.  It doesn’t matter to Me whether they are in a book, in a magazine, on your blog, or read by your Facebook friends. It really doesn’t matter to Me how many followers you have or how many hits are on your site – all of which I do control, by the way.

What matters to Me is you and that you are writing out of your love for me – for I love you very much.

What you do for Me is special. You placed your daughter’s painting on the wall; I place what you write close to My heart. If and what others say is not what is important.  It  does not give what you write value. What you do for Me is valuable  – what matters is that you do it for Me. I will take care of the rest. I know the what and the where and the how."

“Yes, Lord. You have my attention. I’m listening and I’m trying,” I replied, humble and thankful for our conversation, ”For Whom do I do what I do?  I do it for You.”

Dear Lord, I know I am prone to forgetting. It is not that I don’t try to write for you, it’s just that I tend to base my value or the value of what I do on what others say. I know it is not true. Please help me to let go of what others think, and only focus on you. I trust you to do with it what you desire.  Help me to have the courage to continue. Thank you for breaking in to my day and loving me enough to show me your tender care.  Amen.

Shaking off the "Shoulds" and the "Shouldn'ts"

I’ve been in a funk all day.

Can’t put my finger on it.

I’ve tried to figure it out but I keep coming up blank.

And then I read a post by a fellow bloggy friend, Niki.  She wrote a great post (click here) about the “shoulds” in her life – and as I read her words, I felt a bit of the weight I’ve been lugging along all day – lift.

I’ve been sitting here, “shoulding” myself to the point of – funk.

I should really clean up the kitchen. I should get something done on the study I’m writing. I should run that errand. I should get a chunk of the laundry done.  I should chop some chicken. I should clean off my desk. I should this and I should that.

And then I mix in a few “shouldn’ts,” as well. I shouldn't just sit here. I shouldn’t be so down in the dumps today. I shouldn’t be so pathetic today. I shouldn’t be in a funk.

It’s a “should” and “shouldn’t” shake – that I'm -- errr -- trying to shake off.

Niki talks about “chosing” instead of “shoulding.” She’s right.  And so I’m working on changing my focus and giving myself a break today. It’s okay. I’m choosing to just take a break, to veg out. I’m choosing to not call it a funk, but to call it freedom.  I know that the Lord loves me and that I am free to just be. I don’t always have to be “doing” something; sometimes, the very thing He has for me is to just be me. It’s okay to have a down day – either in my heart or in my home. 

The Lord loves me for me. And He loves you for you, too.

Thank You Lord, for Unexpected Opportunities to Love

I saw disappointment flow from her heart in the form of tears as she entered our bedroom in her jammies.

“Mom? I don’t feel very well and today is our Christmas party at school and I don’t want to miss it!” my middle daughter sobbed, as I wrapped my hands around her red little cheeks, and drew her close for a hug.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. It is so miserable to be sick. I feel so sad for you,” I said trying to comfort her, as I tucked her under the covers of our bed.

I checked her temperature –  101.2 degrees.  That, in combination with a sore throat, a stomach ache, a headache and that I was diagnosed with strep throat on Monday – confirmed her diagnosis, in my mind.

Sure enough – we went to the doctor and the rapid strep test was, well, rapidly positive.

Ugh. Our home is being attacked by the streptococcus bacteria. 2 down, I hope not 5 to go.

I’ve been lamenting to the Lord over the past few days, when I was flat on my back on the couch, lacking Christmas joy and fretting over things to be done … “I don’t get it, Lord, five (then 4) days before Christmas. So much to do, surely you know, Lord!”

No  immediate answers.  I felt too sick to argue with the Creator of the Universe, so I relinquished control and tried to trust that He would show me why or give me the strength to do what I would NEED to do.

Then, my dear daughter got sick.  As I prayed with the children on the way to school (and to the doctor) this morning, I found myself unexpectedly saying – “ I don’t know Lord why we are getting sick, but thank you for giving us opportunities to love each other.”

There was my answer, and that’s the truth that I am snuggling in to this morning as I snuggle in next to my daughter. Despite the fact that it is hard to understand completely why difficult times come in to our lives, at inopportune times (like Christmas) – or any time – they ARE opportunities for us to love each other.

So, we are just hanging out, watching home renovation shows (she is the artistic one who loves these type of shows) and getting reading to play our favorite Webkinz game Eager Beaver’s Adventure Park.

“Well, Mom, at least we get to spend time together,” she said to me.

“Yes, we do dear, and I’m so thankful for that.”

It may not be the Christmas plans she and I wanted but we are taking advantage of an opportunity to love each other. Isn’t that what we should be doing at Christmas, anyway?

Pull Yourself Up By Your Boot Straps?

“Pull yourself up by your boot straps” -- I do not like that saying. People try to use it as encouragement, I suppose. If you are down in the dumps, they may say “Come on! Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” I can see what they may be saying, “persevere!”  but, something about it – Errrrr – it gets under my skin.

I checked out the origin of this phrase, and it is not evident where it came from or who said it first. Obviously it gives the imagery of boots and their straps (actually, laces) and the ability for one to lift oneself off the ground by pulling up on the bootstraps.  Needless to say – it’s not possible. If you doubt me – try it. You may get one foot off the ground, but not both.  Only reason you get one off – is, well, because you’re leaning on the other. The phrase is supposed to show that it is not possible to get out of a difficult circumstance by our own attempts.

Take the issue of disappointment, for instance (we've had a minor outbreak of it at our home, lately). I don’t get why some things work out and others don’t. Sometimes it is a mystery, but it is part of reality.  No denying it – we are all affected by it at one time or another.  We have dreams, goals, desires that just do not turn out the way we hoped and we end up disappointed. I cringe at the feeling that disappointment brings. It is like a thick ooze that settles on us, heavy on our shoulders, seeping in to our hearts.   

 Now, if we adopt a “I’m just going to pull myself up by my boot straps” mentality and keep on going, we really are not going anywhere at all.  What we do end up with is an attempt at denying our reality, thereby secluding ourselves from living a full and open life with ourselves, with others and with God. In addition, we deny God the opportunity to work something good out of the situation.

But if we acknowledge the disappointment and ask God to help us deal with it, then we can get somewhere.  In embracing the situation from God’s hand, and allowing the disappointment to work its way through my heart, in His timing, God will use it to make us stronger and more like His Son, even when we do not understand it (Proverbs 3:5). That's movement I'm interested in.

The problem is that sometimes just getting up and moving on is easier – or so we think. We really don't move on, other than maybe hopping, if we are super coordinated, but I don’t know about you, I’m not interested in hopping through life.  Dealing with the disappointment is hard work. Dealing with sorrow, and pain, loneliness and fear is tough, too. Living out of our hearts with open honesty, to ourselves and to others, requires a risk.  It’s hard.  It requires trust – trusting God.

Instead of reaching down and pulling up my boot straps, I’m going to lean on God, trust Him to work the disappointment (and other things that challenge my heart) for my good and His glory. The truth is, we really can’t lift ourselves up when we are down, not even partially, only God can.

·         What do you think?

·         Do you struggle with trying to do it on your own and not trusting the Lord?

Handling the Daily Dips

The yellow, diamond shaped sign read “DIP.” I slowed slightly, as the car bounced over the gully in the road, rattling the under carriage of the car and rousing my little passengers from whatever they were doing. “Nice to know it was coming,” I thought, and with a hint of sarcasm added, “even nicer if those little signs would pop up in all of life.”

“Daily Dips” -- Do you know what I mean? We come across circumstances in all sorts of shapes and sizes along this road we travel. Sometimes, the damage and destruction is devastating, causing for road closings, reconstruction and repair, other times there are detours, and sometimes, we just hit a dip in the road. They are small, inconveniences that bounce us around, often without warning. They are the unexpected that we are told we can expect. They are part of life.

They slow us down and shake us up. Untimely phone calls. Unknown bills. Breakdown of appliances. Rain when we are planning an outside party. A car glitch when we need to be somewhere. Someone forgets something and we need to run somewhere (where we are not headed) and get it. We are out of eggs for our cake. We run out of laundry soap just as the stomach flu rages through our home. Sickness infects us. Bones fracture. Plans change. Printers stop working. Times change. The hem in our skirt tears, just as we are getting ready to step out the door. Sometimes, it’s just one dip – other times, it feels like it is one after another, like the ridges on a wash board and our minds and hearts get rattled and jostled.

Seems like I’m constantly working on not only trusting God in the big things of life, but in these little ones, too.

You see, if God is really in control of all things – and He is – then the truth is that He has planned even these little things, as annoying as they may first appear. Perhaps, they are actually more like opportunities, than annoyances and nuisances. Could they be God-conveniences, not in-conveniences?

They are chances for us to be faithful to what God values. A chance to be gentle, a chance to be wise, a chance to be self-controlled (ugh!), a chance to have patience. Rather than inconvenience, maybe they are God-conveniences to love another, help a friend, take a break, slow down, ask for help, realign our priorities, spend time holding a hand (or a heart). A chance to trust God. A chance to have faith.

Yes, I believe that they are God-conveniences. God has conveniently placed them in our lives to teach us something, about ourselves, about Himself, and about life. They are useful opportunities, not hindrances to cause discomfort and trouble.

Whether it’s a road block, a detour, or the dips in the road of your travels today, trust God. Look for what He has for you. Be obedient to what He desires of you. Remember that this daily dip may in fact not be something that puts you out, but a time when God is putting something in to the life He has planned for you.

The Olympics of Life

“It’s not too late, Mom,” my children said, almost in unison. “You can still do it!”

“You’re faster! Stronger! Built to last longer, Mom” my ten year old son added, with a smile on his face that oozed playfulness.

I briefly pondered whether he thought I was similar to a Ford truck, and then went on to say with a sigh, “No, I don’t think I can do it. I’m afraid it’s too late. There are no 45 year old mothers in the Olympics.”

The children and I bantered back and forth about, if given a chance, what event we would do in the Olympics. My 10 year old son wants to do mogul skiing. My 14 year old daughter dreams to be a figure skating (of course). And for me? Anything fast, I decided – perhaps speed skating.

I love the Olympics and by osmosis (or genetics, I'm not sure) my family does, too. We stake out our domain every night in the family room and watch with great enthusiasm. (I do believe it is the most I sit all year). Something about them makes my heart race, my legs twitch, my eyes narrow and my brow furrow, as I take on the anticipation of the events that are being broadcast on my television set. Little known fact about me – I always wanted to be an Olympic athlete.

Truth be told, I never even got close to being an Olympic athlete, nor have I ever speed skated. I lettered in high school track all four years and did compete in a mini-triathlon in the last year (trust me, very mini), but that is about it for my competitive athletic ventures, at least to date. I’m okay with never feeling the weight of the gold around my neck or making a victory lap. let alone walking the ring of the opening ceremonies. Really, I am. (sniff -sniff).

As I watch the games though, I have been thinking a lot about running the race with the Lord. It requires intense training in righteousness that comes through enduring trials, courage, fighting the good fight – and guts. It requires keeping our eyes fixed ahead of us, on Jesus. It demands devotion and determination of the bravest kind.

The thing is, in the Olympics of life, we may not wear a gold medal around our neck but God does tell us that someday we will receive a crown that will last forever (1 Corinthians 9:25). So dear reader, whether you are gifted with physical athletic abilities or not, continue to run the race that God has set before you, in heart, soul and mind(Hebrews 12:2). Someday, rest assured, we will be run a victory lap with the One who won the victory for us – Jesus. It will be more than worth it!

The (Not) Car Wash

I only had 10 minutes between point G and H: I had already driven from point A through F that day. My car was in desperate need of a wash, so I pulled in to the automatic car wash depot and began to deposit my dollar bills. I was (almost) certain that I could rummage up enough money to pay for the car wash. One by one, I inserted the bills in to the slot on the machine, often having to reinsert them after they were spit back out at me. The machine apparently did not recognize them as genuine tender. I was getting frustrated. Coming up short of dollar bills, I turned to the change cup that I have in my car and began to dig through a multitude of coins, trying to unearth a sufficient amount of quarters. Again, I came short of my goal, then to notice that the machine would only take quarters in change … no other coins accepted.

Disappointed, discouraged – ok … irritated – I pushed the “refund” button to hear the loud clanging of quarters as they spilled in to the metal cup. Great, not only did I not get a car wash, I now had a slew of quarters to add to my already overflowing cup of coins. It’s just not what I had planned or wanted. What a waste of time!

Sometimes, in life we can feel this way, as well. We may try to make deposits as we serve the Lord, only to come up short, and then not have the outcome we expect. Disappointment sets in. We pick up and put on the cloak of discouragement (rather than the full armor of God) and emanate irritation rather than joy; at least, I know I do.

How about you, dear reader? Do you ever feel as if you have invested in a project, a ministry, a circumstance, a dream or a person and you have come up short? Are you discouraged by not experiencing a favorable outcome? Are you feeling as if you want to throw in the towel, pack up and leave, or push the “refund” button?

Remember that in God’s economy, nothing is wasted, and endurance is a prized possession. There may be times when our plans seem to be thwarted, or we are not able to do what we desired, or we have to wait, but God tells us to not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9). He does not forget what we do for Him. Hebrews 6:10 says, “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”

Persevere. Endure patiently. Love the Lord above all things, trusting Him to give you what you need to complete the work that He has for you to do, in His time.

Hesitant to Hope?

I must admit that I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the last couple of days. Kind of like I got out on the wrong side of the bed, but not as crabby, more quiet. I don't like when I feel this way. It doesn't feel natural, and I feel as if I am losing sight of what God really has for me.

I think it boils down to me dealing with disappointments. Dreams have been dashed, time and time again. Things aren't what I thought they would be. I desire to have hope, but I can tell that I am holding back. I am hesitant to hope.

I guess we hesitate for many reasons. Maybe we just don't have the strength to fight another battle in order to even potentially win the war. Perhaps it's fear; we are afraid that if we hope, we are just setting ourselves up for more disappointment or even, raw pain. Sometimes we hesitate because we lose our focus. Our circumstances seem to big, and we forget how really big God is. And maybe we even hesitate to hope because we have lost a sense of whom we are, made in the image of God, and dearly loved by Him.

Hoping requires taking a chance, and looking beyond our circumstances. We may find ourselves squished in between two parenthesis, seeing where we have been and knowing that we aren't going back, but looking forward, past the next parenthesis, and feeling very uncertain about the future. My encouragement to you, and to me, dear reader, is that God is in the parenthesis, too. He is writing your story and my story. He may have us in the parenthesis for a time, to give us perspective and rest and strength. It is here that we are pupils in the school of suffering, learning the valuable lessons that He has for us, in order that we can go out and minister His comfort to a hurting world.

Hesitant to hope? I can be. I am right now, but I am trying to look beyond and upward. My hope is not in what I see or what I feel, but in the Lord alone. He is faithful. The Psalmist says in Psalm 33:18, "But the eyes if the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." Look toward the Lord, dear reader, not on your circumstances. He is looking down upon you. Look up and meet His eyes, He is faithful to be your all in all, no matter what, and He does love you, unfailingly.