What Does Your Heart Say?

I hustled in to the hospital, clutching the hand of my ten year old daughter.

“Let’s hurry, dear.  We only have a few minutes to visit our friend Mary and then we’ll need to get home to make dinner.”

I turned right and headed down the hallway past the gift shop.  No time for shopping today. 

As I passed by the showcase filled with jewelry and picture frames, I caught a glimpse of a square plaque with the words,

“What does your Heart say?”

written across the front, spelled out in scraps of newspaper print.

I stopped.

And I thought.

“What is my heart saying?”

Am I not only hustling here and there but hustling past my heart?

It’s what I’m working on this week with the Lord.

I'm not positive that He put that plaque there just for me, but I’m starting to think He just might have, and so I’m having a good “heart to heart” with Him about my heart.

I went back the next day and bought the plaque and have it on my desk. It’s prompting me to ponder and to pray.

What is my heart saying?

It seems to have a lot to say. A lot about how I’m feeling. A lot about the Lord. And a lot about those I love. And so, so much more. There’s a lot packed in there and I’m looking to the Lord to help me unpack it, bit by bit.

And I venture to say there just may be a lot on your heart, too.

May I encourage you? I do not know what your heart is saying, dear reader, but I know the One who does.  Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”

I’m taking refuge and pouring my heart out to Him, and although I am short on answers, I am counting on Him to help you and to help me.  

A $79.91 Surprise!

It’s a mystery, indeed!  A surprise delivery on our door step!

A few days ago, one of the children noticed a vase sitting on our front porch.  It was filled with change – pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. Attached to the neck of the vase was a card in an envelope. The envelope read, “To the precious servant children.” The card inside read,  "Change 4 Change 4 Jesus." The note was not signed.  There was no indication of who was responsible for this surprise.  How special and how fun!

Resting on top of the mound of money was a beautiful red ornament with the even more beautiful word “Jesus” written across it, and James 1:17 inscribed below.  On the back, the verse read, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights … ”

Who would have left this?  Like a rag tag band of Sherlock Holmes “wanna-bes”, we are trying to figure it out – time of day it was dropped off, handwriting, choice of wording -- but time and time again, we are stumped.   All we can conclude is that it is likely someone who read my post  “Change 4 Change 4 Jesus” last week, and someone who  desired to creatively bless someone through our  children.

This weekend, we all sat around and counted the money in the same fashion of our tradition.  Sorting the money, counting it up by type and adding it in full -- an astounding $79.91.

We talked and prayed about who we should give it to and made our decision. We recently heard of  a family at our church who has a two year old grandson with feeding difficulties.  He needs a very expensive formula in order to survive.  We will give this money, along with the story and the ornament to these sweet people and pray that they are encouraged.

Isn’t God amazing?  Imagine this!  He provides for one family by the anonymous donation of someone’s change, through our children.  God is so interesting!  He meets our every need in the most unexpected ways – how fun it must be for God to see His people respond to His call and bless people along the way!

To whoever dropped the surprise on our door step -- thank you. You showed my children the value and joy of an anonymous gift.  God is using you to encourage them in being good stewards of whatever He gives, through whatever channels, and you are giving them the opportunity to love someone else. Thank you, thank you. A thousand times -- thank you.

(As for our $59 that we collected as a family, we decided to give it to the Freedom Food Pantry, a local food pantry my son recently visited on a field trip.  Since being there, his passion for helping people in this way is growing. He feels strongly that we share our gift with them, trusting that the Lord will use it as He sees fit.)

What is it About a Surprise Party?

A gaggle of nine and ten year old girls with skates on their feet and giggles in their voices, rocked and rolled back and forth in a small group, huddling behind the door to the roller rink. They waited for their friend -- the guest of honor --to arrive at the surprise party.

The birthday girl's mother made the call to her husband signally that the other girls were ready. (The little girl thought that she was coming to the roller rink to check it out for a birthday party that she was hoping to have. Her birthday was still a week away). The mother watched the entrance while the silliness and energy grew louder from the girls. They looked like an explosion of confetti, apropos for the party. Standing ten feet behind the girls, the moms stood in a line, watching and waiting. They were there to witness the fun -- share in the joy. Who can resist witnessing the unfolding of a surprise?

"She's here, girls! Everyone ready? When she walks in, you know what to do!" whispered the mother.

At that instant, the birthday girl entered the roller rink, and a resounding "SURPRISE!" echoed throughout the rink. The little girl was shocked. She stood motionless, mouth formed in a wide open smile, her sweet little eyes staring out from behind her glasses, taking it all in.

The girls skated over to her and wrapped their arms around her, laughing and joining in with rounds of "happy birthdays" and "surprise" mingled together. The fun was under way, and it was a beautiful sight.

And the moms? We just stood there with tears in our eyes, soft smiles on our faces, and at least for myself, a heart that was stirred by something mysterious and deep, down inside.

I can't put words to it though, but it is not the first time that I was moved to tears as I watched an event like this unfold. Is it the unexpected joy? The element of suspense? Is it the room full of love and friendship? Or is it in a world where we are more often surprised by things we'd rather not deal with, and for a brief moment we find a surprise that is a celebration?

I can't figure it out, but perhaps you know what I mean. There is just something very special and life-giving in witnessing it, but it seems like there is more. I'm still smiling about it tonite, and still wondering, what is it about a surprise party?

Rainy Day Hope

Rain pelted the window. The wipers marched back and forth, clearing the splattered drops only for a moment, until more covered the windshield. The clouds hung gray and heavy in the sky. My heart was slightly heavy, too. Sometimes, rainy days stir up whirlpools of emotion somewhere deep down inside of me. Rainy days are reflective days for me.

It wasn’t that I could put my finger on any one thing, it was a soup of some of my own sorrows (mixed with joys), as well as, thoughts of the sorrows of others around me. Sick family members. Abuse. Marriages under stress. Loneliness. Injustice. Widowhood. Cancer. It seems as if, as time goes on, more and more tragedy seeps in to the lives of God’s loved ones. We are not to be surprised by it; Jesus said that we would have trouble.

As I watched the wipers coarse left and right, wiping the rain away, I remembered, “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 7:17). There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). Someday, all will be well when we are with our Jesus in a perfect place.

And suddenly, hope cheered my heart, as I watched the wipers of my car and God's Word clear my view. Despite the dreariness of the weather, inside and out, I remembered that there is hope. God has not, will not ever, abandon those who love Him. He continues to orchestrate all things, even when it seems to us as if it does not make sense. The rain of our tears may pelt the glass of our hearts, but someday, He will wipe all those tears away. And the truth of that can bring us joy, even on the dark, rainy days.

For now, we are called to trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding. To walk alongside of each other, delighting in each other’s joys and carrying each other’s burdens. To cling to hope. To cling to Him. To remember.

Dear Lord, Thank You that You give us hearts that feel emotion. Thank You that You teach us how to love each other. Thank You that You give us the ability to be sorrowful, and yet hopeful and joyful. Thank You that, when we are alittle under the weather (or alot) we have the hope that someday You will wipe away every tear. Help us to live in the reality of Your love, at all times. Amen.

Radically Radiant

Radiant. When I hear or see the word an image of a small portly pig sitting humbly yet confidently under a web, pops into my head. The word "radiant" shimmers in the threads of the web, woven there by a the pig's spider friend. I am talking about the story of Charlotte’s Web, of course, a classic tale written by E.B. White about friendship, loyalty and love.

Charlotte, the gentle and kind spider, believes in Wilbur, the pig. Her belief in Him gives him strength, hope, a purpose and because of her, he also radiates joy.

I don’t know about you, but some days I would not describe myself as radiant. Dull? Weary? Worn down? Doubting? Fearing? Yes. Radiant? From the inside looking out, I’m not so sure. But …

God tells us in Psalm 34:5, “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” When we seek Him, abide with Him, look to Him, we reflect His radiance. We can’t help it. His radiance shimmers off of us, regardless of what we think or how we feel.

I’ve known some pretty – like, really beautiful -- radically, radiant people. They are not radiant because of what they accomplish, how popular or witty or smart they are, or because of what they do for themselves. No, they are radiant because they live a life that is dependent on loving the Lord and seeking Him first in all things. I bet if I asked them, they would most humbly say that they do not notice their radiance. But, the truth is they are beautiful and they reflect the glory of God in their strength and in their joy – both of which He gives them.

Dear reader, look to the One – at the One -- Who loves you more than you can ever imagine. Believe in Him, for He made you and He believes in you. The Lord will use His love and grace that dances off of you, to encourage others in their faith and draw them closer to Himself. When we live a life depending on Him, we are radically, radiant! And as we grow in an understanding of Who the Lord is and live lives seeking and loving Him, we will grow in strength, hope, purpose and joy.

The Christmas Story According to My Toddler

Several Christmas’ ago, I was standing by my kitchen sink early in the morning making muffins. I noticed the presence of my three year old son out of the corner of my eye. He was dressed in his jammies. A blanket, decorated with frogs, was draped over his head and shoulders in a standard shepherd like fashion.

“Hi! I’m Jonas,” he said in his gruff little voice.

I quickly tried to process toddler dialect. Jonas? Did he mean Jonah from the bible? No, it’s Christmas time; he must mean Joseph.

“Oh! Do you mean Joseph?” I asked.

“Yah, that guy. Jofus, “ he grunted as he pointed over his shoulder. “And that’s Mary right behind me.”

“Mary and Joseph! And what are you doing?” I queried.

“Taking care of some animals."

“And what else are you doing?” I asked.

“We’re camping.”

“And where are you going?” I continued.

“To a stable."

“And what are you going to do there?” I asked, curious about his rendition of the Christmas story .

“Fix it,” he said plainly. (That is when Bob the Builder was popular and fixing things was Bob’s job).

“And what else is Mary going to do there?” I asked, eager to hear my dear son express the true meaning of Christmas.

“Why, she’s going to have the baby Jesus!” he said.

Now, I was excited. I dried off my hands, knelt down next to him and held his little perfectly round face in my hands. I could hardly wait.

“Oh! William! And WHY is Mary going to have the baby Jesus?” I asked with great enthusiasm and passion.

His little blue eyes looked at me, peaking past the blanket, a bit confused at my question and said, “Well, because she’s a girl!”

I still chuckle every time I think of that story. What does one say after that? I’m not sure. I just hugged him and smiled, and it brings me joy to this day. Hope it made you smile, too.

Road Trip

The children and I took a road trip this past week, thus why there has been a hiatus in my entries. We had a wonderful time together, and I arrived home realizing the great value of spending many hours in a 6 foot by 12 foot Suburban. Upon our return trip, I commented to my thirteen year old daughter that I had hoped to have more inspirational moments to write about on our trip. She responded, “Mom, maybe God just wanted you to have fun and relax.” How wise and wonderful of her to notice.

I then asked the children if they had any inspirations from the trip, and this is what they shared. Some are common (some are silly), but I love what came from their hearts.

1. You don’t have to have to go on fancy trips to have fun. This road trip, although not packed with roller coaster rides and playful characters, was touted to be the best ever – better than the time we went to Disney World, even.
2. Things don’t make you happy. Being with your family makes you happy.
3. Root bear and chocolate fudge can make you really sick to your stomach.
4. On road trips, you can stop when you want and check out new things.
5. One learns a lot of patience driving long distances and living in close quarters, but it does make for closer relationships.
6. Trying out new things, like exploring underground caves, does not have to be scary, it can actually be exciting.
7. Just because something looks run down on the outside, it does not mean it is in the inside. (This was noted after we pulled up to our hotel in an old historic area. The kids said, almost in unison, “Are you sure about this, Mom?” Later that day, they thought the hotel was the coolest one they had ever been in – it was old, historic, had a “real” key and didn’t even have a pool!)
8. You shouldn't rush on a road trip, because you may miss special treasures along the way.
9. Old fashioned toys are a lot of fun.
10. If you miss an exit, you can still get back on the right road if you listen to the GPS or read a map.

After arriving home, unpacking, catching up on sleep, doing laundry and trying to get back in to life, I began to think about the road trip I’ve been on lately, traveling this trial. Sometimes, I’d like to just fly to the destination, but I am learning that traveling along, following God’s lead, enjoying the scenery along the way has great value. There are bumps in the road, detours, and changes in plans, but He is always ready and able to show us the way or get us back on course, even when we get off at the wrong exit. If we hurry through it, we do miss special treasures that He has for us – sometimes they are lessons about Him or ourselves learned in difficult situations, and sometimes they are gifts given by Him for our enjoyment. The world may call us to things, but God calls us to each other and to Himself; this is critical. We have a choice. And lastly, sometimes we are asked by God to do something that we have not done before. This requires a lot of faith, but the outcome is often surprisingly amazing.

I guess there were a few things that I learned from God, via my children. However, perhaps the most valued lessons I learned is that even amidst a time of great trial, God does give us moments of enjoyment, when we can just sit back and allow His love for us, to shower over us. Psalm 31:21 says, “He showed His wonderful love to me.” Yes, it is true. He did on a road trip that I will never forget. Dear reader, look for opportunities to enjoy the delight of His love, no matter where you are.

Random Ramblings

Today was one of those days when I felt like I had a thousand thoughts, and couldn't hone in on any one of them. So, here are some random ramblings for today.

1. Your clothes don't have to match and your hair can be a mess, and it can be fun. (This one I noted when realizing, as I stepped out of the car to go in to a doctor's appointment, that my 5 year old's T-shirt was stained with lunch, it did not even remotely match her shorts (which I wasn't sure I even recognized) nor her flip flops. One pig tail was up, one was down, and she had chocolate chip cookie smeared on her lips. I commented, "Honey, what do you have on?" She looked down and said, "What, Mom? I'm fine with it. I like it, it's fun!")

2. It's alright to be sad and excited at the same time; it makes for a well rounded person.

3. Forgiving someone is one thing; living forgiveness moment to moment is another. It requires gut wrenching grace.

4. We don't have to hurry. Big decisions require waiting on God and time. Time and truth go hand in hand. We just need to persevere.

5. Being dependent on God does not mean your weak. It means you have extraordinary strength.

6. Plants need water and fertilizer and attention. They need to be cared for; if they are not, they start to wither and wilt. So do our relationships with the people we love.

7. Pancakes and scrambled eggs are great for dinner. I heard an older woman once say, "It's not what's on the plate, but who's in the chair." I like that.

8. People crave authenticity.

9. An unmade bed is just as comfortable as a made bed at 10:00PM at night, maybe even more so.

That's it for tonite, dear reader. My head is still spinning, and I'm heading off to nest in to my unmade bed. I'd love to hear about your random ramblings ...

He Will Restore Our Joy

Mary sat on a stool in a storage room in the back of the basement. Her husband was upstairs, fighting a courageous battle with cancer. Her sweater and slacks hung loosely on her thinning frame. Her gray hair, wrapped up in a loose bandanna, framed her bright and beautiful face that reflects a love for the Lord Jesus. At seventy five years old and she is an artist pursuing the heart of God.

I stood a short distance from her, examining the storage shelves that had been built by her husband years before. Gradually, I pulled out bound canvas pictures that she painted over the years, and for one reason or another, had stored away in the catacombs of her basement. Most of them she was displeased with. The balance or the proportions or the colors were wrong, in her eyes. We were on a quest to gather up some of her work to be shown and sold, and thought that it worthwhile to explore the basement gallery where some of her work slept.

I pulled off the shelf a painting of red potted geraniums. It appeared dusty, old and worn.

"Oh, dear, " she sighed. "No one would be interested in that one. I painted it years ago. Dick gave me those geraniums and I set up my easel in the kitchen and painted them right on the spot. The painting hung in a local art store, but then was returned after a fire had damaged the store, and the painting. See the sides, dear, they are gray from the smoke. The whole painting, in fact, is dingy and has little beauty anymore."

I was taken by the story. How interesting and yet sad. All those years had gone by and this painting sat, unframed, resting on the shelves in this small place. No light. No love. No appreciation. Just waiting.

After consulting with Mary, I took a damp towel and began to wash the painting with gentle strokes. Layer by layer, the grime and smoke particles came off, and underneath, brilliant and deep colors began to emerge. The painting was being made new again and it was quite lovely.

The painting was gradually being restored. To restore something means to give it new life; to bring back from a state of injury or decay. It is taking something from a changed state and returning it to life.

Dear reader, are you feeling veiled by the darkness of your circumstance? Is the suffering that you are experiencing like a shroud of gray covering your heart, mind, body and soul? Do you feel as if you are in need of new life? Are you dry and lifeless needing refreshment?

Psalm 23:3 tells us that "... he restores my soul." God comes in and revives us and refreshes our spirit. He takes our hearts that have been covered in our sin or our suffering or our sorrow and gently wipes away that which clouds, and brings out new color and depth in to our lives.

Like the Psalmist we can cry out "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (Psalm 51:12). Dear reader, only God can do this. He is the Artist of your life and He can wipe clean all that stands in the way of you radiating your true beauty. And with that, He will grant a spirit within us that will help us to hold on. Only God can restore our joy.

God is the Great Restorer. We may wonder today, "How in the world will that happen? What will it look like? When, O Lord, when?" But we can rest, in our wonder, knowing that He will restore the joy of Jesus in us, and like the picture, we will reflect anew, His beauty.

Scared about Hard Tests?

"Mom, do you get scared about hard tests?" my nine year old son asked me, after I picked him up from school. He was talking to me about a big science test that he is concerned about on this coming Monday. "Oh, yes, dear I get scared about hard tests, too."

My thoughts immediately turned to the current tests -- hard tests -- that I am facing right now. The thing about tests is that we often don't know the format or the types of questions that are going to be asked of us. Sometime we are not sure if we'll have the answers or have to learn by taking the test. We are not sure if it is going to contain "true or false" questions, in which we are going to have to discern truth from lies. Or whether there are going to be multiple choice questions, where we are going to have to look at all our options and choose the right one, following God's will. Or is the test going to contain long essay questions that are going to be laborious, intense, and needing of much information to answer? Or all of the above?

Having tests can be scary. And yet the bible says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (James 1:2-6).

I have a hard time with that. Maybe we all do. It's hard for me to "consider it joy" and its hard for me to slow down and let perseverance do its work. But I do know though, from experience, that it is possible and God works powerfully in the process by giving us the wisdom that we need when we ask for it. Sometimes it is hard to believe, maybe even scary to believe.

Each day I ask the Lord, please reveal the truth to me today and help me to walk in Your ways. As I participate in the tests in this day, help me to understand the questions and believe that you will give me the answers, through your Word, prayer and the counsel of Godly people.

Yes, hard tests can be scary, but remember that we know the One who not only holds the answer key but is willing to give generously the answers that we ask for; all we need to do is believe in the One who is the Answer to all, Jesus, and cry out to Him.

Hold on to that truth, dear reader and believe, so that you are not tossed about on the sea, but can stand firm on the solid ground of God.

Truth Amidst Tears

It is late now. The last couple of days have been tear stained, and I am exhausted. But, God continues to be faithful and to show me much about myself, Himself and the truth of my circumstances.

Tonite, I want to briefly share with you a paraphrase of Isaiah 61:1-3. It comes from the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. If you are struggling with wounds and brokenness, and lets face it, who of us is not at some level, I highly recommend this book.

Two and a half years ago, I happened across the book at the Christian book store, and began to read it. It coincided with a time in my life when God was gradually beginning to lift the veil that had been shading my heart, and show me many truths. I wrote alot of thoughts in the margin of the book and dated them. As I picked up the book again today, it was very personal and intimate for me to see what I was thinking, where I was and where I am today, by what I had written at that time.

On one of my most marked up pages (page 95) the authors paraphrase verses from Isaiah 61. They were powerful words for me then and are very much for me today. Jesus says to my broken heart,

"God has sent me on a mission.
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release something.
And that something is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight
against him.
Let me comfort you.
For, dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in the places of your deep sorrow.
And I will robe your heart in thankful praise
in exchange for your resignation and despair."

And He says that to your broken heart, too. On a day when it feels like I am surrounded by too much loss, and too little gain, I am choosing to remember that God does have joy for me in the places of deep sorrow, that He is fighting for me and giving me back my heart and setting me free.