Thankfully, He is Not Making It Up As He Goes Along

“Would you like me to read you the story I’m writing, Mom?” my youngest daughter asked me, with a smile on her face.

“I’d love to!” I answered, eager to hear what she had to share, and thrilled that she loved to write.

She read aloud her story about a bear named Snuggliciousness who lived in “Smiles and Giggles” toy store.

(Makes me smile and giggle just thinking about it).

Shortly (very shortly) in to her introduction, she stopped reading and exclaimed, “That’s all I have so far, Mom! What do you think?”

“That’s great,” I cheered.  “Do you know what else you’re going to write?  Have you decided what is going to happen to your big ole’ bear?”

“Nah.  I just make it up as I go along. I have no idea!”

Her words are a ‘pause point’ for me that I’ve been pondering for days.

I am so relieved (and grateful) that the Lord does not make it up as He goes along.

That gives me hope on a day when the story looks unwritten, when the tension is mounting and the ending does not look so great, from my perspective.

I need to remember that He knows every villain and every hero (and every heroine)!  He knows every detail of every moment, every interwoven plot and sub-plot. He knows every lull in the action and every disturbing drama. He knows all the lows and all the highs and every twist and turn.

He knows it all. He’s writing it all. No rough drafts with God. He gets it right, the first time. He doesn’t erase errors. He doesn’t make errors. And He has more than an idea, He has a plan. He has a perfect plan, and allows us to be are part of it.

How many chapters? How many volumes? What’s the Word Count?  I have no idea, but He knows.

And all I know is that I am counting and resting on the truth that He is not making it up as He goes along. 

I may not always understand what the Lord is doing, and I may not even like what He’s writing, but in The End, I know it will be the best story ever.

Sharing a Note from a Reader ...

I almost missed it! A yellow floral note card peeked out from between catalogs and credit card offers, in my mail 2 weeks ago. It’s not every day I get a handwritten note in the mail. I was so excited.  I pulled up a chair, and sank in to it as I sank in to her words. 

(I got her permission to share with you all. She asked to remain anonymous).

Dear Andrea, 

I want to thank you for the entry I read today, Friday, October 21. It met me exactly where I am.  For the last ten years, each fall, my heart and mind do a “march” that takes me back to past events beginning in the end of October retracing my steps to find me standing at the sight of an open grave of my son, at the end of November.  

God has sustained me, grown me, helped me these past 10 years. His Mercy and Grace support me, hold me up and lead me on.  His great love gives me Hope and Strength.  Yet, here again, another fall, and I find myself on that “march” again. Like you, in hope and in trusting, I see each year God exchanging beauty for ashes.

This journey, this “march” as painful as it is, does remind of where I was , but more powerful yet, I see in hindsight the victory and overcoming power of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  He loves us and does not leave us where we once were.  This “march” may continue every fall, for all my life, but I can ‘see’ from where I stand today that defeat and despair have been replaced with rejoicing and praise.  This trial has been a ‘tool’ for my transformation in the refiner’s fire.  To Him all praise is due. 

So, I will keep on “marching” to “see” His glory – all for His glory. For it is not about me, it is all about Him.

Thank you, dear one, for sharing your faith, your hope. Thank you for your transparency and honesty. I continue to be a faithful reader. Keep on sharing your heart.

And thank you, friend, for taking the time to write and share your story with me -- with us.  It is a treasure.  You are a treasure.  May the Lord continue to strengthen you.  Your “march” is not in vain.  He is using you for good.

A Refining Silence?

“Who has God been to you this week?”

That was the question the teacher asked at our Women’s Bible Study this week.

I gazed down at the long list of Names and Attributes of God printed out on the paper that she shared with us.

·         He is my Hope (Psalm 71:5)

·         He is my Restorer (Psalm 23:3)

·         He is my Stronghold in the day of trouble (Nahum 1:7)

·         He is my Refuge from the storm (2 Samuel 22:3)

·         He is my Shade from the heat (Isaiah 25:4)

·         He is my Refiner (Malachi 3:2-3)

In my mind the font seemed to change, the words grew bold, and the size increased by 20 points.

Why "Refiner"?

I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen it off the top of my head.  I knew Him to be the others (and so much more) but as I straightened up and froze, I thought, “Refiner? Could that be what He is doing now?”

As I shared in my last post, with the exception of the conversation that we had in the kitchen a few days ago, the Lord has been terribly silent to me over the past few weeks.   

I’m trying to read His Word and seek Him in prayer. I find myself pitched forward, listening and looking for what He is saying and for His direction – but nothing. Am I not hearing or is He intentionally being quiet for a reason?

I have felt His refining hand through trials and heartache, but could this be His refining?  Is it a refining silence?

Is He speaking to my heart in a new way?

Is He saying:

Will you trust me even when I am quiet?

Do you believe I care about you, even when you cannot feel me?

Do you believe I love you even when you cannot see me?

Do you believe that I am here?

Do you believe?

Do you?

A refining silence?  Maybe this is it.  I am trying to trust Him in the process, knowing that He knows best and knows what needs to be refined in me.  I believe that He loves me enough to shape me and mold me, in His perfect way. Perhaps a "refining silence" it is.

How about you, dear reader? Have you ever experienced a refining silence?

Who is God to you this week?

A Cup of Cold Water Calling

A small, striped cat wove itself between the pool deck chairs, peeking out from time to time to see if it was safe.  It occasionally, hesitantly meowed a feeble cry for help. It skittered when anyone came near.  As I observed more, I noticed a red, raw wound on the side of its neck.  It was injured, scared and in great need.

I sat at a distance from the cat, watching it and then watching a fair skinned woman, wearing a hat and speaking English approach it.  It ran from her, hiding once again.  She asked someone to bring her a cup of water.

She placed the cup of water on the patio and knelt down to care for the cat.  It responded, and eagerly lapped up the water from the plastic cup. 

The woman spoke to the pool boy who brought the water.

“Is there a vet nearby?  How can I find one? Can I take this cat there, if I pay for a taxi? And then pay for the vet?  This cat is sick and needs help.”

The cat was sick. It needed help. It could not help itself. 

“Yes, ma’am.  I can get you the number. I can get you the address, and I can get you a box to carry the cat in” the pool boy, answered, apparently sensitive to the request of the woman and the plight of the cat. 

The woman hugged the young man, thanking him.

The kitten was helpless. It did not know it was sick. It was scared. It was alone. It did not know there was such a thing as a veterinarian. And even if it did, it could not get there on its own. It was helpless and hopeless.

I turned my attention back to the book I was reading about global poverty, worldwide oppression of women, HIV/AIDS and other humanitarian issues. Issues plaguing precious people – God’s precious people – who are injured, hurting, helpless, scared, without resources, perhaps even without knowledge that there is help out there for them. They often – most often -- are hopeless.  They are in great, GREAT need.

My passion has long been for women who are hurting and in need of encouragement, but this was a new spark in me that the Lord was breathing upon, igniting it in to a flame.

Part of my “considering the clutter” is asking the Lord to show me more of my heart (the heart He formed and impassions) and more of His heart.

So, I’m asking myself, “What is God calling me to do?”  That is what I’m seeking and praying about. Who is He asking me to reach out and give a “cup of cold water” to? What does that “cup of cold water” look like?  When? How?

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward”  (Matthew 10:42).

Stay tuned for more information, more thoughts and more resources … and may I challenge you, too?

Who may He be asking you to reach out to?

Taking Time to Consider the Clutter

Every once in awhile, I can feel the stack of clutter grow to the point of toppling over in my head, and I realize that I need to stop, take a break and consider the clutter in my life.

That’s what I’m determined to do over the next couple of weeks. 

Who knows how clutter forms?  We put something down here and something there, determined to get to it later when we have more time, but life gets busy and finding (or making) time gets harder. And the clutter grows.

So, I’m making and taking the time to look at the clutter. Just like clutter in my house, there is probably stuff I’ve collected that I don't even need anymore. Might not even know why I kept it in the first place. There are things that need to be attended to and important things that need to be given priority to, instead of getting lost in the shuffle.

Reorganizing. Reenergizing. Reconsidering. Recalibrating. Relaxing.

I’m not even sure what’s cluttered around up in my head. That’s what I need to sort through.  From practical issues like kids activities, plans for our home, yard and health, to future issues, like finalizing plans for a mission trip, and what I desire to do in ministry. Should I continue writing? Blogging? Teaching? Speaking?  Should I take on a part-time job? There are even some dreams that I want to sort through.  Should I write that book?  Go back to school?  Run a race? Take up photography?

I’m not doing it alone, though.  My husband and I will be taking this time together to sift and sort through all these things. I’m sure he has some clutter of his own that he wants to work on, too.  And above all, we are seeking  the Lord and considering what He is asking us to do.  

I’m sure that there will still be some piles when I am done, but hopefully they will be a bit more organized and I’ll have some peace over the direction that I am walking in with the Lord and in my life. 

It’s good.  The clutter gets overwhelming and it’s hard to see over the piles.   I’m excited to see what God is going to show me as I take time to take a deep breath, relax, allow His will to settle in to my heart and listen to what He has to say.

I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. Thank you for journeying with me.

Why did God use the Shepherds in the Christmas Story?

The Shepherds were going about their business. They were just living their lives out in the field, watching over their flocks at night. Things were pretty “normal” for them that night when the page to the next chapter in the greatest story of all time was turned and their names were written on it. We know that now; I suspect they had no clue.

Who would have thought a band of lowly shepherds would be the first ones to meet and greet the Savior of the World and be the first to tell of this baby?  Not me. If I was writing the story, I may have inserted a much more impressive crowd – fans at a sporting event, people at a party, onlookers at a concert in an auditorium.  But not God.  He chose the unlikely.

But why? I don’t know. I don’t get it, and I find myself pondering, “Why did God use the Shepherds in the Christmas story?”

I guess the word had to get out there somehow, that the Savior of the world had come in to the darkness of the night to be The Great Light.  Perhaps God prefers to use the simple and the humble.

Hmmm.  Shepherds --  just normal, every day shepherds. Isn’t it funny how God uses those whom we would never guess? 

And I’m so glad for that, for today (and yesterday) I find myself wondering, “Is God even using me? Is there a purpose to where I am, doing what I am? Or is it random and without value?”

Of course, my head knows better, but sometimes, it is hard for my heart to believe.

The truth is, most of the time, the answers to exactly what God is doing are not very evident or clear.   I suspect the Shepherds had no idea as to what was going to happen that night, nor how their lives were part of the greatest story of all time.

I believe the same goes for us. We just never know what God is doing or how He is using us, but we can be confident that He is involved in everything, orchestrating all for our good and for His glory.

This is what the Lord is impressing on my heart today – a normal day, filled with normal events --

 “Go about your work, dear child, the work that I have given to you.  Tend to your flock.  Care for those around you, those I have placed near to your heart.  I am using you, for my promise is that I have plans for you. You may not see them, but that does not mean that it is not happening.  Go about your day, and believe Me, I am working in You and through you, because I love you.”

I hope this encourages you, too.

Trying to be Thankful for the Thorns

In addition to thanking the Lord for the blessings this Thanksgiving I am convicted to try and be thankful for the thorns.

I was reading about Paul’s thorn last night, and I was struck by this --Paul said, “…to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh” 2 Corinthians 12:7.

God gave Paul a thorn. We don’t know what it is. Speculations range from an illness to a temptation to persecutions and an abundance of other ideas.  No one really knows, but Paul knew, and he asked the Lord to remove it 3 times.  However, God said, “No.”

But He just didn’t say “No,” (and He doesn’t just say "No" in our lives as well), He went on to say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  God’s answer to Paul’s request was His grace.

I don’t know for sure but I bet you have at least one if not a few thorns in your side. I do. Uninvited trials that inflict, infest and infect our lives with pain and discomfort.  Chronic issues that do not resolve – sorrows, physical pains, relationships with intractable people, disappointments, inner battles, temptations, insecurities and more.

These things that never seem to totally go away, prick and swell and get inflamed, but they are left there for a purpose, and often it is hard to understand. The answers to our hopes and prayers are not always what we hope and pray for.  God has other ideas – but they are good ideas.  Very good, for they are for our good and for His glory.

This Thanksgiving I’m thankful for all the blessings that God has given me, but I am also trying to be thankful for the thorns. I’ve stuffed the reality of my thorns for far too long, and over time, they just end up poking through and causing more problems.  I am going to choose to embrace the reality of my thorns, as a gift from God.

They keep me from exalting myself. They keep my humble.  They keep me on my knees. They keep me aware of my need of Him. They keep me sensitive to the needs of others, for as I embrace the reality of my own brokenness and the presence of God’s grace, the more I am willing to extend His grace.  They are one of the instruments that God uses to make us more like Jesus.

Is it hard for you to be thankful for the thorns? It is for me, but I am trying.  May I pray for us?

Dear Lord, Thank You for loving us enough to protect us from ourselves.  Our tendencies are to exalt ourselves and our abilities when we are to only exalt You. We want only happiness when You want so much more for us. Thank You for all that You give us, even the thorns.  Help us to realize the work that they do in our lives, through Your plan, and help us to extend grace to others, not always knowing what thorns they are dealing with.  Thank You for all You do and are.  Amen.

Blessed Thanksgiving, dear reader.

In the Grip of the Potter

Pressed in upon. Squeezed.  Overwhelmed. So much to do – so much to be.  I went over my mental checklist of things that I needed to do, from e-mails to lessons and housework to phone calls. My mind was spinning. Oh! So much, and then I felt the nudge of God.

“Look upward, dear child. It is Me. You are not squeezed in by your circumstances, by the needs of the day or your concerns for tomorrow, what you are feeling is Me. I am holding you tightly. I am molding you and shaping you.”

Was it His grip I was feeling?  Or the grip of the world squeezing the life out of me?  Could it be Him?  Dare I believe?

I have a choice. I could choose to feel imprisoned by my long list of things to do and my fears and my worries or I could choose to believe that He is the one who is holding me tight.  The Potter is holding my heart and my life like clay, in His tender, gentle, loving grip. He takes me, and knowing what is best, embraces me, molds me, and shapes me. He knows where to push to make me in to the vessel for His use for this day, and for all the days to come.

He knows what is necessary for me today. He knows what I need for tomorrow. He knows the plans He has for me. He is the perfect Potter.

“Will it hurt?” I wonder.  “Please don’t push too hard. Please don’t stretch me too thin. But please don’t let me go,” I call out to Him. I am guarded. I am scared.

I brace myself, and stiffen up, fearful that it is going to hurt.  I just want to be comforted.  I fear pain in the process, but I know that if I am to be for the display of His splendor, that I must also be willing to trust His hand, for there is  where growth and beauty will be found.

Oh, Lord. I don’t know what today holds, or tomorrow, but You do.  You hold me, You mold me. You shape me, You make me. I am clay in Your hands that You have chosen for Your purposes  I am choosing to trust my life in this day to Your firm, gentle, loving touch, and although it feels as if I am spinning round and round, I know that I am in Your grip, turning on the wheel that is powered by Your love, in order to make me who You desire for me to be. And I am loved.

A Bad Case of the "I am nots ..." (or is that Good?)

I gotta tell you, I started out the day with a long list of the “I am nots …”

I am not going to get everything done. I am not going to get to the store. I am not equipped for this job.  I am not going to get through this pile of paperwork. I am not going to get a chance to write a post. I am not going to make it … I am not. I am not. I am not.

And then I remembered a book that I recently read (and I am highly recommending it to you) – “I am not but I know I AM” by Louie Giglio.  Listen to that again. “I am not but I know I AM.” 

This is a great read.   Great points to ponder. Great truths to bask in.  In brief, the book is about embracing (and I don’t want to ruin it for you – you really should read it) God – the great I AM – who He is and who we are (and are not) in light of Who He is.

To give you a glimpse, the back cover reads, “I am not but God knows my name. I am not but He has pursued me in His love. I am not but I know the Creator of the universe. I am not but I have been invited into His story. I am not but I know I AM.”

As I page through the book this morning, reflecting on the truth and sweet relief that I do not have to worry about all that I am not, because I know I AM – and He is all I need – I am drawn to a couple of things I underscored when I read this book before.

·         “Everything does not hinge on me.  If I stop doing my part, the whole world will not fall apart.  I am not in control.  God made the made the world in six days without any input from me, or my assistance. God doesn’t need me to accomplish His work. I am little. God is huge. I trust Him.”

·         “The story already has a star, and the star is not you or me.  We’ll spend our days trying to hijack the Story of God, turning it into the story of us. We can choose to cling to starring roles in the little-bitty stories of us, or we can exchange our fleeting moment in the spotlight for a supporting role in the eternally beautiful epic that is the Story of God.”

Whew! I can already feel my heart beat slowing and my breathing normalize. The muscles in my neck are relaxing and the knots in my stomach are untwisting.  I can relax. I may not understand everything, maybe not even a little, but one thing I know for sure – I know I AM.  I may not know all of Him, but I know that He loves me, that He has a plan for me and that I am part of His story.

What about you, sweet friend? Are you finding yourself caught up in the ways that you are not this day?  Take heart, you are not because you can’t be, but God IS – and He loves you.

At the end of the book Mr. Giglio says this (and I’m going to give you only a snippet, because it is so good and I want you to read the book):

“When you cry out all the things that you are not, you’ll know His answer is, “I AM.”  For every cry, there is one answer:

I need help.  I AM.

I need hope. I AM.

Who could possibly be smart enough to figure this out?  I AM.

What’s the latest thing? I AM.

Nothing’s real anymore. I AM.

Nobody’s listening to me. I AM.”

... and on and on the list goes.  “I am not but I know I AM.” I love that. I love the Lord.  And that’s enough for me today.

What Would You Pick from that Tree?

Sitting at the kitchen counter this morning, my youngest son and I chatted back and forth about his upcoming day and about his concerns.  He did not want to go to school. Not because he does not like school. He does.  It was because he has a test.

“I wish I had that tree right now, Mom.”

“What tree?” I wondered.

“The tree you talked to us about the other day.  Remember? The one that you said, ‘What-if you could pick …?’”

Last week, my friend Bobbie spoke at our women’s bible study. After she was done speaking, we discussed questions that she wrote, at our table.  I brought home one of the questions for my children to consider.  The question was this -

Money doesn't grow on trees -- or so the expression goes.  Imagine something unusual besides money) could be grown on trees and you could pick it whenever you wanted. What would you want your tree to produce?

We came up with all sorts of ideas from the silly to the series.  Video games. Candy. Answers to tough questions. Energy. Sleep. Even one of the children wished that I grew on trees so that they could have me whenever they wanted me. J

But on this Monday morning, my son with anxieties high over a history test said, “If I had that tree, I’d pick the answers to the test – all I’d have to do is reach up and they all would be there --  or I’d pick a tree that grew ‘pretend sick’ things so that I don’t have to go to school.”  Apparently, he’d been thinking about this tree …

I guess I do, too, just in a different way.  On good days and not so good days, I find myself seeking answers and reaching for a multitude of things.  I am convinced that I am a slow learner,  but the more time goes on and experience proves, I am realizing that although none of these things grow on trees, the Lord gives willingly when we reach out and seek Him.  He may not choose to give us all we want, but He does give us all we need.

Today, I need courage and I need wisdom – to both sit down and stand up, to speak and to hold my tongue.  That’s what I would pick – it’s what I am picking to seek God about.

What about you? 

What would you want your tree to produce today – what are you in need of? Ask God. He is more than willing and able to give.