Extravagant Love

Mary of Bethany came to the feet of Jesus, once again, and poured over Him an alabaster jar full of perfume. It was a sacrificial offering of her love. Jesus says that it was beautiful, and He sticks up for her, despite a band of critics (the disciples) who thought her offering was a waste.

I’ve been immersed in this story found in Mark 14 for the past week, on my six-week journey of speaking on “Remarkable Moments with the Savior.” The aroma of the story has permeated my heart and my mind in powerful ways, and I am convicted and encouraged as I dig deep in to the story. I won’t be able to consolidate my whole lesson on the blog – so I thought I would just share a couple of points that I think are thought provoking, perhaps even life changing.

1. Each time we meet this Mary of Bethany in the scriptures, she is at the feet of Jesus, listening to Him and loving Him. That is a good place for us to be, as well.

2. Mary gave lavishly and lovingly to Jesus (the worth of a whole year’s wages). She was not embarrassed to show her love for Him. Neither should we be.

3. Mary’s love for Jesus flowed out of a confident belief that she belonged to Him and that He loved her very much – with an extravagant love – a love that gave His life for her. If we really know that love, I don’t think we can help but being crazy in love with Him, either.

4. Jesus stuck up for her. She did not need to fear others; Jesus was there to validate her and honor her. Our identity does not need to be determined by what others think of us – God knows who we are, and that determines our worth.

5. Nothing that touches the life of Jesus or that He touches is wasted. Nothing.

6. Mary seized the moment to love Jesus, when she could, where she could, in a way in which she could. There are opportunities that come in to our lives which we must seize at the moment – they may never happen again.

7. The aroma of Mary’s offering filled the room. When we love the Lord and others in His name, there is also a sweet aroma of godliness that permeates the space and hearts of those around.

As we become aware of the deep love of Jesus has for us, we will have an increasing passion to pour out an extravagant love for Him and for others.

Mary did what she could. We cannot do everything, but we can take the gifts and resources that God gives us and love Him with those. Maybe it means spending more time with Him, praising Him, sacrificing money for Him, or waiting for Him. Extravagantly loving the Lord may look like trusting Him despite the outward appearances of our circumstances. Saying, “I’m going to love you, Lord, by believing you.”

We can also love others with an extravagant love, as a result of understanding what the Lord has done for us. Again, we cannot do everything, but we can do something. Write a note. Bake a pie. Make a visit. Plant flowers for a friend. Clean a house. Walk a dog. Hold a hand. Give a special gift. Speak a kind word. Extravagant love can also be expressed as patience, forgiveness, speaking the truth boldly but gently, sharing in another’s joy, or offering a sympathetic ear. It does not need to cost a year’s wages (as Mary’s did) – sometimes the most valuable gift is a gift of yourself.

I think the more we are aware of God’s extravagant love for us, the more we are able to love extravagantly. Dear reader, seek Him today. See and believe that He loves you so very much. It is beautiful.

The One Who Never Changes

“I hate the uncertainty of life,” I murmured out loud to myself and to God. “ I really do prefer predictability, Lord.” I suppose a surprise here and there is fun, but if I had it my way, I want to know what is around each corner before I get there. Sometimes I even think, “If I only knew than I could be prepared to handle it better!” My knowing what would happen next, of course, would be my source of security – which really isn’t secure at all.

One of the things about God that I am realizing more and more is that I just can’t predict what He is going to do. Sometimes I think it looks as if things are going to go one way, and then they seem to turn on a dime and go another. I get confused, and sometimes I begin to fear or worry or wonder.

Then I need to back up the cart and remember that although God’s ways may be unpredictable to me, His ways are not unpredictable to Him. Furthermore, and above all, His character is always predictable.

He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is faithful to those who love Him. He is in control. He sees all that is happening and He is orchestrating it for our good and His glory. He is compassionate and merciful. We see only a part of the picture; He sees the whole. He is not only loving and kind, He is just. He is good. He is everything we need.

The more time goes on, I realize (despite my frequent forgetting), that I actually do know Someone Who is around each corner, and that is my beloved Jesus. Sure I may not know the details of the next hour or day or year, but I do know Him today and believe that He is the same tomorrow. This gives me great comfort. He is always present - holding out His nail scarred hand – ready to hold mine and to walk with me through any valley or over any mountain slope that He plans for me. He is faithful. He is strong. He is mine, and He is yours, too.

When times are tough, as they often are dear reader, and you are caught “off guard” and feeling the wave of uncertainty wash over you, trust in the only One who never changes. Trusting in Him, resting in Him, is the most secure place you can be. No matter what you may face today or tomorrow, He is the same and He loves you very, very much. Turn your face towards Him and He will show you more and more of Who He is as you journey through this life together.

For Whom?

Sometimes, most humbly, I find myself heading down the road of wondering, hoping that I am going to get something out of all the pain, the brokenness, the sacrifice, the service. I keep on saying, “Your will be done, Lord,” and trusting Him for the outcome – but sometimes, unbearably selfishly, I wonder if and what I’ll get out of it in the end. Surely, there must be something that I will see or experience as a “reward” for my faith and perseverance! I am not proud of this thinking – my desire is not to be so selfish. Maybe you struggle, too.

Then, this week , this story came back to me that I recall Elisabeth Elliot sharing. It is an African legend about Jesus. It is not in the bible – it is only a legend, but it relays a strong, visual message. And so, I paraphrase …

Once upon a time, Jesus was walking along the road with His disciples and He asked them to pick up a stone to carry for Him. They all picked up a stone – one man a rather small one, another a large one. After some distance, and climbing to the top of a mountain, Jesus commanded that the stones be turned to bread. The man with the large stone had a lot of bread to eat and was satisfied. The man with the small stone had little.

Later, Jesus asked the disciples to again pick up a stone and carry it for Him. This time the disciple who had picked up the small stone the first time, thought he was wise. He picked up a large stone. They walked for a long ways and came to a river bank. Jesus asked them to throw the stones in to the river, which they did at once, obeying Him. They looked at Him, expecting something to happen.

Nothing happened. There was no bread – no reward. The disciples were disappointed and confused. Jesus looked at them with love and said, “For whom did you carry the stone?”

I love this story – and time and time again I have heard the gentle voice of God whisper in my ears this week, “For whom are you carrying this burden, Andrea? I have asked you to carry it, carry it for me, not for what you will see.”

It is humbling, isn’t it? God wants our whole-hearted devotion. He is working all things out; we may not see the result that it may be for the benefit of others and most importantly, for His glory. Sometimes, our motivation gets mixed up and we begin to lose a view of Him. Dear reader, perhaps this is a timely reminder for you as well. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind and soul and follow Him, not for what you will see or receive but out of a heart that loves Him deeply.

Dangers of Disappointment

Perhaps you know the feeling. One day you are encouraged by the Lord – a phone call, a note, a check in the mail, a visit from a friend – and the next you are wondering why the only visitors that are stopping by are unwanted ones, like discouragement, disappointment and despair.

I hesitate to admit it, but this is the predicament I find myself in today. It is “disappointment” that arrived, unannounced and uninvited. Doesn’t seem to matter – they just show up when we are not looking, and if we are not careful, sit down and make themselves at home.

The thing with disappointment is that, at least in my life, it seems to sneak in on the coat tails of sorrow, and before you know it, I am face-to-face with both of them.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot today and I humbly decided this – I am not just generally disappointed, but I am disappointed with God. And as soon as I thought it, I heard the lie of destruction say, “He really is a disappointment, isn’t He?” That’s really when I knew that it was not good, and I would need to ask God to help me rid of this grim guest.

I am in the process of writing my study for this Wednesday. I usually am looking for what God is going to show me “in the moment,” but I am not very proud of this one. The point that I was working on had to do with exploring the things that come between us and God, even as we choose to follow Him.

Money. Possessions. Popularity. Prestige. Fears. Pain. Worries. And now added to my list – disappointments. I’ve dealt with various idols from time to time – maybe we all have.

As I battled disappointment (and its strong defender – the evil one) I realized more and more that it is a hindrance for me. When I am disappointed, I am not trusting God for the life that He planned for me. I am wishing that parts of it were different. I hate that.

As I processed my disappointment and tried to hand it over to the Lord, I remembered what I wrote earlier. I was paraphrasing Jesus in Mark 10: 29-31. “There will be hard times – for My sake. I have special things just for you in the present and future “never ending, forever extending” life with Me, but it’s going to be hard when you choose to follow Me.”

At that moment, I felt the quiet nudge of God. “Oh, really Andrea? Is that so? Do you really believe that? Then why are you so disappointed in Me? Do you know the truths? Let me remind you. I have you right in the palm of my hand. I love you. I have plans for you. Look at Me – I am looking at you. I know that you are sad; it is hard, but you are mine, and I will never leave you. Trust me.”

I knew then that I had a choice – I could either wallow in my disappointment, and take the dangerous chance that it would become anger and bitterness, or choose to trust God – for the millionth time. Why would I hold on to disappointment when I can hold on to Jesus? I handed it over to Him. I can grieve the loss of what I wish I had, but I do not need to take it out on God.

Dear reader, when it comes down to it, do we really have any other right choice than to follow Jesus? He is the only way. The road is hard, but He is faithful, and He loves us very much. Unfailingly.

A Sweet and Tender Way

“Ohhhh,” I sighed quietly, yet heavily, as I paged through my calendar on Monday, noting the date – January 18. “Now, that’s why I feel so out of sorts this morning.”

January 18 is an important day to me, although very few people know of it. Sixteen years ago this week, pregnant with my first child, I was working as a Physician Assistant for a busy transplant unit. I loved my job and I was very excited about my baby. In my 6^th month of pregnancy, everything was going well. It is funny (not in a “ha-ha” sort of way) how one day can sometimes change your life forever.

That day my water broke prematurely and I spent the following 8 days flat on my back in a hospital bed, unable to get up. It was a difficult time; the doctors hoped that I would make it 3 weeks, but my dear first born did not make it that long. He arrived on January 26 after a difficult labor, sick and compromised. He spent 10 days in the ICU and came home after 3 weeks. Eight months later he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

I often wonder if January 18 would be as significant of a date for me if my son did not have a long lasting result of his early birth. I remember struggling early on with the reality of this and wise, older friends of ours responded, “This, too, did not slip through the hand of God. It is not a mistake. God has special plans.” I do believe it is true. It is hard for me to watch my son struggle, now in his teen years, but I am also very proud of him. He is overcoming much and is confident in His relationship with the Lord. It is beautiful, but difficult.

So, this Monday, January 18^th, as I was doing laundry, washing dishes and writing my study for this week, I found myself in familiar territory -- grieving a loss.

I kept thinking to myself, “Who can I call? I really want to talk to someone.” And as I went down the list of people in my mind, no one seemed quite right for this particular situation. “I would really like to talk to a friend who was there,” I said to the Lord, “but I’ll settle for You.” (Not really meaning that I was settling, at all. I did intend to be respectful, despite the way that it came out).

And then the phone rang. I couldn’t get to it, but soon heard a familiar voice, from my distant past, on the answering machine, “Hi Andrea! It’s Kris! I’ve been thinking so much about you and have missed you. Call me!”

I called her back, promptly. You see, Kris was my friend from college that was with me that day, sixteen years ago. I have not talked with her for 2 years. Truthfully, she did not remember that the 18^th was important to me, she just felt the urge to call me – and she did.

God really is remarkable, isn’t He? Kris didn’t know but God did and I believe He put the thought in her mind to call me. It was a gift for me that day. I am reminded that God cares for us in such sweet and tender ways. I felt loved by Him that day – and today. I was filled with sorrow, and He came in and brought me comfort through a far away friend who felt His nudge and called. It was just what I needed, when I needed it and my faith is strengthened, because of His love.

Inhaling the Truth

Last week, I went to the doctor for a chronic cough that I am struggling with. Long story short, his diagnosis is “post-infectious bronchospasm,” following a viral cold that I had a month ago. Basically, my lungs are irritated and sensitive, causing the airways to constrict down and resulting in my cough.

The remedy? A steroid inhaler, two times a day to help reduce the inflammation and irritation, and thus, over time, allowing my lungs to heal so that I can breath without the annoying interruption of a cough.

He explained to me how to use the inhaler. Hold it upright. Turn the device until it clicks, turn it back again and then carefully rotating the inhaler so that it is flat, place my mouth around it and breath in, hold it for 10 seconds, and exhale. That is it, just do not tip the inhaler over, for the fine powder will fall out and the inhaler will not help me.

Well, being a curious person, I checked to see if I could see the “fine powder” on a test run – and needless to say, I couldn’t. There was no evidence of medication, and yet, I was told that it was there and that it would help. I was to believe, even though I could not see.

And so it is with the inhalation of God’s truths in our lives – it brings healing and helps reduce irritations as we battle with the difficulties of this world. We are to spend time taking His Word in and believing, without seeing or understanding, that somehow these powerful Words will make a difference in our lives. And sometimes, even as we come out of time of suffering – there are still “post-problem” problems (if that makes any sense). We get through one major issue, to only realize that there are ripple effects that are present as a result of the original trial – and on and on it goes, unfortunately.

But, we are to walk by faith. There are new issues – irritations – that need to be helped and healed. God is faithful, this I know. I don’t know how He does it or how He uses His Word to continually bring healing in to our lives and make us stronger, but He does.

Even though I can’t see the “fine powder” I trust that my physician knows, and even though I do not see and understand how the taking in of God’s Word works, I trust that my Great Physician does. Yes, it is walking by faith, not by sight, through this life of brokenness – believing that He does bring healing. This is my hope. He is my hope.

Scrapbooking Our Storms?

I am half chuckling to myself at the visual and half pondering the reality of the question, “What if we scrapbooked our storms?”

The thought came to me yesterday, right before I was to speak at our women’s bible study on Mark 4:35-41 -- Jesus Calms the Storm. Now, I’m not a “scrapper” (are you smiling, Anne?), but there is a part of me that wishes that I was. I feel bad for my children. They are going to grow up huddled around a computer screen, viewing the pictures of their youth because I have not created volumes of sentimental scrapbooks, let alone printed out photographs. Maybe someday ….

Anyway, as I concluded the study today I posed the question to the dear women, “What if we actually scrapbooked our storms?” What if instead of only scrapbooking happy times – special occasions, birthdays, vacations – we scrapbooked the times when we found ourselves swamped by our sorrows, our sufferings and our pains?

Oh, I can only imagine what the papers would look like – clouds, rain drops, whirls of wind, mud puddles, avalanches, all in deep, muted shades. Maybe the additional decorations (there must be a term for them J) would be shreds of paper, ripped and torn, demonstrating chaos. I suspect it would be hard to have actual photographs; how does one capture pain, loneliness, sadness, depression, betrayal, and more, in a picture? And certainly most of us would not want to be photographed in the wind blown, weathered, wet with tears condition that we find ourselves in. However, perhaps rather, we could record all that God has taught us about Himself on this journey with Him.

And why don’t we? Are we afraid to show ourselves in our hard times? Does it make us feel too vulnerable? Insecure? Scared of what others may think of us if we sat down with them and paged through our pain?

The longer I live and the more storms I weather with Jesus in my boat, the more I know we need each other, too. We need to spend time with our neighbors, our friends, our families, and share with them the lessons that we learn from God about God, in order to help encourage and strengthen them in their journey with Him. And we need to record them for ourselves. As new storms blow in, we need to be able to look back and remember what God has done and Who He is to us, personally.

Maybe I’ll start a whole new crafting craze! I doubt it, but I would encourage you to at least record what God is teaching you. In the days, months, years to come I believe He will use it for you and for others as a reminder that He is faithful and to spur you on to continue to hold on to the hope that you have in Jesus (Hebrews 10:23).

Stormy Seas

As far as storms go, it is a small one in comparison to others that I recently (and not so recently weathered). I know it won’t last long, but I can still feel the wind whirling around me. Like the disciples who set out on a still Sea of Galilee, I stepped in to my day, but before long, I was engulfed with a thousand things to do and a mindset that was not feeling confident nor at peace. My heart is feeling fragile, and my list of things to do is a mile long. How am I going to get it all done? Why does my list have to be so long? I wish I could just quiet my mind and my heart and get through this all!

Bailing. Frantically bailing. Fearing. That’s what I am doing this morning. Bucket full by bucket full I try to toss out the excess “stuff,” -- outside stuff and inside stuff -- and as soon as I toss some out, more comes in. I am weary. Tossed about . Worn out. Having a hard time organizing and seeing what to do next.

Perhaps it is because I am studying the story about when Jesus calms the storm in Mark that the visual imagery is my grid of thinking this week. I can relate to the big storms of life blowing in without notice, and of late, I could probably write a book about it (maybe I will). Big storms. Little storms. Long lasting storms. Short-acting storms. Life is full of them. I am just not a huge fan of storms.

Rocking and reeling and overwhelmed, we find ourselves, like the disciples, out of control. We try to bail ourselves out. We try to find a solid footing. We try to manage the boat – our boat, and meanwhile we are heaving and hoeing and getting sick to our stomachs. We feel swamped.

In the story, the disciples panic (ever do that?). Jesus is sleeping on a cushion in the stern of the boat and they wake Him, saying, “Don’t you care if I drown?”

Ugh. If I had a dollar for every time I have caught those words slithering out of my mouth. It’s humbling. We doubt God’s tender care. We forget that He is present and what He has promised us. We doubt and we fear and we panic.

Did Jesus know that the storm was going to kick-up? Of course He did. This was another opportunity for the disciples to learn about Who He was and to trust Him. Jesus goes on to calm this storm and reveals His power to them -- and to us.

Jesus may or may not calm our storms – but He is the calm in the storm, and I know that to be true. I need to remember that which I have learned from Him and about Him. Yes, I am feeling engulfed, overwhelmed, wiped out, washed over - even fearing, but I know that Jesus is present in my boat, and so instead of panicking, I’m going to reach out and grab hold of Him. Instead of frantically trying to bail, I am going to seek Him first and trust that He will help me manage the mini-storm that He has allowed in to my life, today. The one He has allowed to teach me and to strengthen me. He knows where I am at and how I am feeling, and dear reader, He knows all about you today, too. Trust Him in the storm.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I knew the ground was not fallow for I heard the tender steps of the Farmer and felt His gentle touch, right from the very beginning.

I could not be certain, all the time, what was growing there in the field of “sorrow and suffering” – but I knew it was good, for He had promised me that what He would plant would grow, if I allowed Him to care for me.

He asked me if I would permit Him to work, no matter what it would take. I wanted to be useful to Him. I wanted to grow. And so I gave Him the one thing I could find – a willing heart.

I did my best to trust. The winters were long and hard; the summers dry and hot, but over time, small shoots began to emerge – some growing quicker than others.

The winds blew and strengthened the little plants. The Farmer ploughed the ground with His love. He fertilized with His Word. He brought the Son to comfort. And He used my tears, as they fell from my eyes and landed on my heart, to water the little plants.

“I have planted special seeds in your heart, dear one,” I heard Him whisper, “seeds of grace, compassion, patience, courage, fortitude, gentleness, and many more.”

“But why is it taking so long for them to grow? “ I asked.

“A weed sprouts up quickly, but that for my service grows slowly. Their roots must be firmly established and their stems strong.”

“But, Lord, it is so painful.”

“Rest secure in this, dear one. I love you and I have plans for you -- plans to transform you and to use you. However, it must be done this way – it is the only way for you to know Me deeply and believe in my great love for you. Growing hurts, but I am here to help you. I am the one who tends you with tenderness. You cannot blossom anywhere else than right here.”

The little willing heart was encouraged and realized more and more that striving would not make a difference; only trusting the Farmer would. And regardless of what tomorrow held, the little heart remained just that -- willing.

And so my heart, dear reader, continues to wait and rest upon the Lord. The field of “sorrow and suffering “ are beginning to sprout up with life. The Farmer has been faithful and I believe now more than ever, that He is Who He is, without a doubt. I have learned to love Him in new ways, not because of what He has done, but because of Who He is. And that in itself is a lovely flower that is already blooming.

Late in a Remote Place?

This week I have been over my head in images of bread as I studied and pondered the Feeding of the Five Thousand (Mark 6:30-44), preparing for the lesson that I taught today. At one point, I actually thought that I could smell bread baking; just thankful that it was not day old fish.

I came home and tried to take a nap – wiped out from teaching and staying up later than I would normally like. However, I couldn’t sleep. One small part of my lesson kept coming back to me.

The disciples and Jesus had just landed on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. Hours earlier, Jesus had suggested that they go to a solitary place to rest for everyone was tired, and so that was what they intended to do. However, there was an interruption in their plans. People. Hurting people. Lots of people -- probably numbering around 20,000. Jesus, being filled with compassion, as He always is, began to teach them.

Now, I can’t be sure what the disciples were thinking, but if I was there, I would have been disappointed. “What happened to rest and relaxation time? I am weary and worn out. I needed a break. And now this?”

So, the disciples take the problem in to their own hands. They state the obvious to Jesus, “This is a remote place and it’s already very late,” and they come up with a solution.

As I taught, I tapped my watch with my right hand, gesturing “I’m watching the time and it’s getting late!” And as I did so, I remembered how I have done this to God a multitude of times, speaking almost the same words, “This is a remote place and it’s already very late.”

Sorrow. Suffering. Pain. Loneliness. Betrayal. Regrets. Dreams dashed. These are the remote places I was thinking about – specifically, the most current remote place that I find myself in.

And like the disciples, I have tapped the old watch and reminded God of what is happening and the time that is slipping by. As if He didn’t know … but I was (am) worn out and weary. I often times can only see my time line. And while marinating in my own inabilities and unbelief, I – like the disciples -- consider taking the situation in to my own hands, saying to myself, “Is God going to do something about it or do I need to?”

Dear reader, do you feel like that? Are you experiencing a remote place in your life and feeling like it is getting late and something needs to happen?

I want to encourage you (and myself), today – continue to press on. Keep your eyes fixed on Him -- He is looking at you. He is watching and He is orchestrating. God’s ways are higher than our ways and He does have your best interest at heart. Keep on listening to Him and trusting the situation in to His hands. He will show you what to do, when to do it and how to do it. His timing is good and perfect. He has everything under control.

The Impass of the Impossible

My mind raced through the text in Mark on the Feeding of the Five Thousand and my fingers tapped across the keyboard. Finally, after weeks of research, thought and prayer, I was getting to my final truth that transforms – finally.

“Jesus equips. The impossible becomes the possible in His hands, and He allows us to be involved in the distribution of His grace. He is willing and able to take a little and use it to feed a multitude.”

Why am I such a slow learner? Have I not seen this truth in my own life over the past year, in a hundred ways big and small? And although I have not witnessed loaves upon loaves of bread being served up, I have witnessed the impossible becoming the possible; how many times would it take for me to believe it though?

These next six weeks are going to be a lot for me. Coming off of the last year, I know that God has grown me in incredible ways, and now He has given me an opportunity to teach and share the truths about Jesus that I know to be real in our Women’s Bible Study at church So, why do I feel so inadequate? So weary? So discouraged? I guess, because I am. I am face-to-face aware of my dependence on Him, and feeling the impass of the impossible.

God does give us opportunities in the midst of all sorts of details of life, dear reader. I am sure you experience the same, perhaps different ones, but opportunities for compassion, for truth and for grace.

And again and again, I think God brings us to a place of seeing and believing that when He asks us to do the impossible, it is so that we learn that He intends to do the work. It is only in His hands that the work to feed the multitude is accomplished. We are dependent on Him. Only He can make the impossible, possible.

Sure, we need to do our part – get out of bed, brush our teeth, be sensitive to the needs of others, spend time with the Lord, seek out the resources (even if meager), do the research – whatever it may be – but then we are to place it in His hands, not hold on to it, or bury it, or forget it – but trust Him for it.

If you are so led, pray for me these next 6 weeks. I may be gone more than usual on my blog – or maybe not – I’ll have to see what the Lord does and how He leads. Maybe you’ll just hear a lot about what Mark shares about Jesus as I teach through “Remarkable Moments with the Savior,” looking at Jesus as He comes face-to-face with people like you and me.

In the meanwhile, trust whatever you have in the hands of our remarkable God today. While we may feel that our contribution is small and of little value, whatever we give Him of our resources – time and treasure – is multiplied according to His will, in His perfect timing. Be strengthened by this in your weariness and woundedness. Just continue to be willing to give whenever He calls.

(Yes, Lord, I am trying to listen to my own advice – trying. Thanks for the reminder, again.)

A Special Gift

I sat at my dining room table, working on my computer. My youngest daughter skipped around the corner with a pink gift bag in her hand.

“Surprise, Mom! I have a late Christmas present for you!”

I began to open it up, only to find 2 more bags with tissue paper stuffed in them, inside the outer bag.

“I wrapped it in lots of packages, Mom. It’s a special gift I made for you.”

I finally found the little gift. A small shape made of little plastic balls stuck together in the shape of – well, she had to tell me – baby Jesus in the manger.

Her face was glowing. She was quite pleased with her gift. So was I.

A small handmade gift, of great value, was wrapped in layers and layers of wrapping.

That’s been my experience with God this year. As I look over the past year of heartache and sorrow, I realize that many times the gifts He has given me are not laying out in plain view. They have been covered up, and covered up, and covered up. They have been wrapped in all sorts of wrappings, and unlike the ones that my daughter presented to me, they have not always been very pretty or fancy.

But God is faithful to give good gifts. Helpful gifts. Lovely gifts. Valuable gifts.

Sometimes, dear reader, they are tucked deep down inside and they are not revealed on first look. Keep looking, though. Just like my daughters gift, I had to keep on unwrapping and unwrapping what she had wrapped around the gift. The end result was a treasure that she made, just for me.

God has surprises for you, as well. He has treasures of truth and gifts of love that He has hand wrapped in His perfect timing and His perfect way. Trust Him and wait patiently to see what He is giving you and believe that He, as you seek to know Him and love Him, will present to you special gifts that He has made just for you.

My prayer for you as we enter the New Year is that no matter what the wrappings may look like or how many there may be, that you will see and believe that God has good gifts for you.

What a Mess!

We walked in to the family room. Strings, globs of strings and chunks of rubber dog bone were everywhere. What a mess!

“Ok, buddy,” I said to my 10 year old son. “Please! Help me clean up this mess the dog made, before we head to bed.”

“Why do we have to clean it up, Mom? Why can’t Courage clean it up? He’s the one who made the mess!” he said, with a chuckle in his voice.

“You’re right, William. He made the mess, but unfortunately we have to clean it up. He doesn’t know how to pick up string with his paws.”

And so it is with us, dear reader. Life can get pretty messy sometimes – either by our own doing or someone else’s. We need a lot of help and most of the time we really aren’t able to clean it up ourselves. Oh, we may try, but without the capable and wise hands of our Jesus, it’s just not possible. A dog doesn't have the ability in his paws to pick up chunks of bone and string and clean up, and we don’t often have the ability to clean up our messes with our own hands.

It’s humbling and yet reassuring at the same time. God is the only one who can help. Call out to Him and trust your mess to His sovereign plan. It will likely not be easy, but it will be worth it. When we step out in obedience and trust Him with our lives He transforms us into something beautiful, and that something beautiful looks like His son Jesus. Often times, it is a day to day decision. Waiting on God and seeking His will requires great patience and great strength. He is able and willing to give you both. Commit your life and your mess to Him – just for today – each day.

Merry Christmas

”They returned glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them” (Luke 2:17-18).

God chose shepherds to spread the Word. Shepherds were not fancy, and in fact, they were looked down upon. Maybe you feel that way sometimes, but be encouraged. God uses whatever He chooses to tell of His love, and He will use us, too.

The least of them were the ones who received the Word from God, via a magnificent heavenly display of angels. They heard the great news, dropped everything, and ran to see Him and worship Him. They sought the greatest gift and they found Him, After coming face-to-face with the Living God, they left glorifying and praising God for all the things they heard and saw, which were just as they had been told, and people were amazed!

May this be for you this coming year, as well dear reader. As God reveals the truth of His Son to you, go out and seek Him. Spend time with Him. Honor Him. Admire Him. And then, having heard and seen what God is doing in your life, spread the word about this child, this man, this God who came to save the lost. Glorify and praise Him by sharing the truths that you know of Him and the love that you have experienced from Him, to a hurting world.

Remember, you are loved with an unfailing love. Rest in that today, no matter your circumstances. Jesus came for you.

Merry Christmas!

Come Dance with the Prince

There is something in Christmas that takes us by the hand and walks us down memory lane. As we look back over the years, we may reminisce about sweet memories of Christmas joys and times that were filled with safe, secure, and unconditional love. However unfortunately, I think most have experienced either a mixture of joys and sorrows, perhaps even a life story that is infiltrated with pain and loneliness. Rather than feeling connected, we’ve felt disconnected; rather than seen and cherished, we’ve felt invisible; rather than included, we were excluded; rather than remembered, we may have been often forgotten and rather than being hopeful in a season that is decorated with hope all around us , we have felt hopeless. Maybe these things are even true for us right this moment.

Perhaps it is the music, the lights, the stories, the gifts, the decorations, the beauty – that makes our hearts yearn for love. And I believe that it is the love of God – Jesus – who takes our hand and takes us for a walk. As we walk, I think we begin to explore questions in our little girl hearts (and not so little girl hearts – I know it does in mine) that we have either not been willing to ask or courageous enough to ask, like: Am I beautiful? Am I worth a gift? Am I special enough? Am I worth being pursued? Am I worth fighting for?

We wonder, “Do dreams really come true?” We so desperately want to have hopes and dreams and the assurance of love, and yet, time and time again throughout our lives these desires have been dashed.

Well, I have good news of great joy!

There is a rescuing, powerful, gentle relentlessly pursuing love our hearts beat for and His name is Jesus. We’ve been rescued by love – we just miss it. Somehow, the very thing that opens our hearts at Christmas time (the beauty and festivities around us) also numbs our ability to remember. And we forget –

The Greatest Love Story Ever (not just told) but Lived.

It is an adventure story of a young Hero – the Prince of Peace – who comes from a far off land to rescue His lost treasure (that’s you and that’s me!) And Jesus, being the Prince of Peace that He is brings peace that makes you whole. It makes you complete. It is beyond understanding, and yet, even in a world full of chaos and strife and pain (whether in your home, in your heart or far away) it is a real peace. A tangible peace. A deep Peace. A forever Peace.

He left one castle – an incredibly beautiful, perfect place to rescue the one He loves. He came from a beautiful city, with walls of topaz, jasper and sapphire, streets paved with gold and gates of pearl. He came from a place where there was – is – no darkness. Just light – and lots of it! He left the light and entered in to the darkness on a night when no one was looking, other than Mary, Joseph and a band of smelly animals.

And Jesus came, willingly, humbly. He came and he lived, died, and lived again. He sacrificed it all for you and for me, because He loves us.

Dear reader, we often miss the tender, intimate, personal message that God has for us at Christmas. He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to rescue you and to rescue me! It was not just a general rescue mission, but a personal one. He knows your hurts – whether they happened to you or whether you have caused them yourself. j

He has chosen you. You are the girl at the ball, who stands in the corner. He has come to make His way through the crowd to your heart and He says, "Come dance with Me.; come be with Me forever." Acknowledge His love and His power in your life this Christmas. Others may have failed you, but not Jesus. Take the hand of the Prince and dance with Him in the castle of your heart this Christmas, and all year through. Merry Christmas, dear one!

Dealing with Discouragement

In the Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the opening scene is one of a snowy night in Bedford Falls. We hear the voices of people praying for George Bailey – people who love him and whom he has helped. In the next scene, we see stars in the galaxy and witness a conversation that appears to be between God and a senior angel, Joseph. They are discussing a man, George Bailey, whom people are praying for. The decision is made to send Clarence, an angel trying to earn his wings, to help George. Clarence is beckoned and arrives.

“Clarence, a man down on earth needs our help” God reveals.

“Is he sick?” Clarence replies.

“No, worse, “God responds, “He’s discouraged.”

All faulty theology aside (for instance, angels come with wings -- they don’t earn them), my own heart is stirred with the reality that when we are infected by discouragement it can be worse than physical sickness. It can permeate the core of our being and attempt to destroy our joy and our hope, perhaps even leaving us weak and wounded. Sometimes it’s related to something particular (a dream dashed, a conflict unresolved, a trial persisting) and other times it sprouts up by itself like a seed blown in by a storm, taking root whence we know not where it has come from. As powerful as fear can be in our lives, discouragement can be equally so. It disarms our ability to persevere and be strong, if we allow it settle in and take up residence in our hearts, and causes us to lose sight of the big picture.

However, there is hope and His name is Jesus. Jesus overcomes our discouragement when we relinquish it in to His capable hands, and I believe He can transform it and use it to develop patience in us (and perhaps a hundred other things).

James 5:7-8 says, “Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.” Whenever we feel discouragement settle in, whether it is in regards to our ministry, our calling, our relationships, our finances, our families, or ourselves, we can try and look past it, focus on the Lord and the hope that of the work that God has promised to do in us.

Patience will grow in us when we respect who God is, trust in His timing and remember that He is coming back. Now, we celebrate the first Advent, but we look towards the second Advent when He will come again. It is easy for us (at least it is for me!) when it seems as if things are just not going as I hope or plan, to be discouraged – but I can be short sighted and need to remember that Jesus is coming again and all that is orchestrated now is for my good and His glory.

Needing to Make Room

“... because there was not room for Him in the inn” (Luke 2:7).

I have never kept an inn, but I do run a household that sometimes feels like an inn. People come and go, mostly my own, with distractions of all sorts always bombarding my heart, soul and mind. I have lists and lists of where I have lists. I keep them in my car, in my bathroom and in my kitchen, not to mention, in my mind. I write lists about things to do, people to call, bills to pay, groceries to buy, notes to send and things to write about. If I am not dealing with a list of responsibilities, my mind is full of thoughts and feelings. Something is always vying for my attention, in one form or another. Bottom line – there just is not a lot of room up in the old noggin’, or at least it seems.

There really isn’t mention of an innkeeper, per say in the bible. We imagine that someone must have let Mary and Joseph know that there was not room for them, probably an innkeeper. The census was drawing people in by the droves. The inn was most likely overcrowded – families reuniting (or fighting), food, music. The inn was too full. Mary and Joseph went out back and the greatest event of all time occurred in a lowly stable.

Why did God tell us that there was no room? What does He want us to learn from this detail? I’ve been pondering this short verse as I have been struggling with distractions today. My guess is that whoever turned Mary and Joseph away didn't even know that Mary was carrying the most precious gift of all.

This is the point that God has impressed on my heart today: The innkeeper, who most likely did not know about Jesus, did not make room for Him, but we do know Jesus and often times we still don’t make room.

God knows that we have the propensity to fill up our lives, not just now, but always, with busyness, thoughts and feelings. Distractions. Things. Stuff (as my 10 year old son would say). Items that divide our attention and prevent us from concentrating. Diversions. Oftentimes, my heart and mind feel as if they do not have room for one more thing – a “no vacancy” sign is ever flashing. It’s not that my intentions are not good – I desire to make room for Jesus -- but there are always the needs of the immediate, and let’s face it, there are lots of them.

Dear reader, perhaps you can relate. Life is full, and well, at Christmas time, it is over-flowing. The reality is that we can be distracted by responsibilities, by pleasures, and even by our pain. Our lists of “things-to-do” can be long, but our thoughts and emotions can be just as consuming, if not more so.

Jesus – Emmanuel – came to reside with us, but we just don’t take the time to make room for Him. “Stuff” gets in the way -- lots of stuff. We need to move some things out or move them over, make room for Jesus and abide with Him. And when we do that, He will help us care for the list of distractions – whatever they may be – responsibilities, pleasures and pain and bring us peace.

The Christmas Story According to My Toddler

Several Christmas’ ago, I was standing by my kitchen sink early in the morning making muffins. I noticed the presence of my three year old son out of the corner of my eye. He was dressed in his jammies. A blanket, decorated with frogs, was draped over his head and shoulders in a standard shepherd like fashion.

“Hi! I’m Jonas,” he said in his gruff little voice.

I quickly tried to process toddler dialect. Jonas? Did he mean Jonah from the bible? No, it’s Christmas time; he must mean Joseph.

“Oh! Do you mean Joseph?” I asked.

“Yah, that guy. Jofus, “ he grunted as he pointed over his shoulder. “And that’s Mary right behind me.”

“Mary and Joseph! And what are you doing?” I queried.

“Taking care of some animals."

“And what else are you doing?” I asked.

“We’re camping.”

“And where are you going?” I continued.

“To a stable."

“And what are you going to do there?” I asked, curious about his rendition of the Christmas story .

“Fix it,” he said plainly. (That is when Bob the Builder was popular and fixing things was Bob’s job).

“And what else is Mary going to do there?” I asked, eager to hear my dear son express the true meaning of Christmas.

“Why, she’s going to have the baby Jesus!” he said.

Now, I was excited. I dried off my hands, knelt down next to him and held his little perfectly round face in my hands. I could hardly wait.

“Oh! William! And WHY is Mary going to have the baby Jesus?” I asked with great enthusiasm and passion.

His little blue eyes looked at me, peaking past the blanket, a bit confused at my question and said, “Well, because she’s a girl!”

I still chuckle every time I think of that story. What does one say after that? I’m not sure. I just hugged him and smiled, and it brings me joy to this day. Hope it made you smile, too.

You are Loved

Black table cloths blanketed the tables. Votive candles encircled center pieces made of wreaths and hurricane glass containers filled with gold accents. Desserts were served with coffee and tea by waiters. Little gold wrapped gifts sat at each setting. A harpist played. Women talked and laughed and relaxed, taking a break from the busy holiday season. Even though a winter storm raged outside, women gathered to celebrate at our church’s Christmas Tea, in the atmosphere of this year’s theme “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.”

I had the privilege of sharing the message this year. It brought me a great amount of joy to share with the women the truths that God revealed to me over the past years, especially in regards to His gentle, relentlessly pursuing, rescuing love. Although I did not share the details of my life story, I was able to speak from my heart -- a heart that is fully convinced of His great and faithful love. This is a bit of what I shared.

I believe that through the years, ever since we were little girls, our hearts beat for the assurance of love. The world has stolen from us the belief that we are loved, special and beautiful. We have been tainted and stained by hurtful experiences of either our own doing or the doing of others, and we (most of us) have slowly but surely believed a lie that we are none of the above.

But that is not true. When God looks at you, He thinks you are beautiful and you are special and you are valuable – because you are. You see, regardless of whether you are young or old, tall or short, have gray hair, brown hair, blond hair or red hair, He thinks you are beautiful and loves you. It does not matter the color of your eyes, the size of your dress, your shoe size, what you do for a living, how many children you have or the fact that you do not have any. It does not matter to Him whether you are married, divorced, single or widowed. It does not matter where you live – in a house, an apartment, or a car. He doesn’t mind if you have scars on your face or scars on your heart, He created you and loves you with all His heart, and that is what makes you beautiful.

In a world that has a warped image of beauty, listen to and believe the One who made you. You may not feel chosen, but He has chosen you. You are the girl at the ball, who stands in the corner. He has come to make his way through the crowd to your heart and He says, “Come dance with Me; come be with Me, forever.” You are His treasured possession. You have great value. You are a priority. Jesus loves you even when it feels as if no one does, or ever did. He is searching for you, even though to Him, you were never lost.

Our little girl hearts (and not-so-little girl hearts) yearn and long and sing, “’Someday my prince will come …. “ And the good news is – He has.

I will share more with you in the days to come, but for now, ask the Lord to help you believe how very much He loves you, regardless of your circumstances of today or your circumstances of your past. Place your heart, with all of the hurt, sorrow, loneliness, guilt, and even joy, into His gentle Hands and allow Him to rescue you, for you are loved.

Wonderfully Made

The photographer held her camera with confidence and creativity, clicking pictures of the children from every angle. The children, who at first were uncomfortable and hesitant, soon began to giggle and glow as their comfort level increased and they felt free to be themselves. It was an amazing transformation that I witnessed, and it was a gift.

I smiled, watching the whole event, taking in every moment. The children were dressed in long sleeved white shirts, jeans and wore (why do we say it this way?) bare feet. They were naturally beautiful. Now, I suppose like any mother, I’m terribly biased about how beautiful my children are but what I saw yesterday was deeper than that – it was an outward expression of their inner uniqueness, and that was beauty.

I was a bit unsure of how a photo session with five children would go. Needless to say, it was enough for me to decide what to have all five of them wear, appropriate for their ages and stages. We had not had the children’s pictures taken in years (I wish I was a mother who was more diligent about it, but I’m not) and so when the opportunity arose for them to be photographed by a professional, I thought I had best seize it and just weather the chaos.

But there was not chaos -- it’s true! There was joy, and lots of it! Each child, once they became comfortable with the photographer (a complete stranger at first) began to engage with her and react to her. The photographer was effervescent and delightful, popping her head in and out from behind her camera, relating to them, sharing stories with them and encouraging them with words like, “beautiful – fabulous – incredible – wonderful!” She praised them for their naturalness and for their joy. She laughed at their funny little mannerisms and encouraged them when they were playful and endearing with one another. Gradually, the children became more and more open and by the end of the session (1 ½ hours later) the children were begging her to take more pictures of them while they acted silly, sweet or sassy. The girls performed hand stands, wrapped themselves around each other in all sorts of configurations and modeled “attitude” poses with my reading glasses. The boys lounged on couches and against the wall looking cool, and even my 15 year old son (who has CP) propped himself up against the brick wall and flexed his much defined muscles in an atlas sort of pose.

I received so much joy watching each one of them express who they are and enjoy themselves.

I think that is how God feels sometimes with us. Psalm 139:14 says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” I have been pondering that in light of the experience I had yesterday. If God in His great love takes the time to make each one of us unique, why do we spend so much time not appreciating our uniqueness?

I think that somewhere along the path to adulthood, some of us, sometimes, lose the ability to be comfortable with the unique being that God created us to be. We become stained and tainted by the world, and we shut our unique selves in to little boxes and fear that if we ever come out we will either be made fun of or criticized for being prideful. Our ability to be ourselves falters as our life experiences battle against who God created us to be.

Oh, we are not perfect, but we are unique. In some ways, it is about honoring our dignity and honoring God in appreciating how He made each one of us. We hesitate to be ourselves because we do not feel safe and secure; we fear. We feel judged, less than, ugly, inadequate, a failure, and we may end up even trying to be someone we are not. What a tragedy. We are our worst enemy and I think that the evil one rejoices (if that is possible of one so dark and demented) when we refuse to be who we are created to be with the gifts that God has given us.

When we appreciate ourselves in the Light of who God is, it is beautiful. It is as if He is the photographer, desiring to have us be who we are and we just stand there --- scared and insecure, rather than free and engaged with Him. But like the children, who opened up and were more comfortable the more they got to know the photographer, so can we begin to be more comfortable with who God created us to be and experience more freedom and joy in being ourselves, by spending more time with Him and allowing Him to work in our lives.

Dear reader, you were fearfully and wonderfully made and still are. God has created you with special gifts and a unique personality that only you have. And in it, He has a purpose for you to bring beauty to a hurting world and to reflect a dimension of Himself that only you can. Ask the Lord to show you who you are, if you are not sure, and be the best you that you can be for Him.

Learning to Enjoy God

We walked 3 blocks to the Jewel grocery store every day. We played Yahtzee, ate lunch on T.V. trays in the T.V. room (a bedroom that had been converted into a family living space), and went to the beauty parlor together, where she had her hair done once a week. We went to the Moose and saw her friends, where I was the “guest of honor.” She gave me small prizes (AKA junk) that she won at bingo and other games. I ate Brach’s candy with her in the car. She always made me peanut butter and honey on toast before I went to bed. She said funny, ordinary things that would make me laugh. I went to Marshall Fields with her to get a new slip and pantyhose (how’s that for an “old” word?). She rubbed my back at night; always called me “Dolly” and let me be me. I loved my grandma.

When I was a girl, I was crazy about my grandma. Every summer, I would go to spend one week with her and my grandpa. When I was with them, I felt special and like a priority. It’s not that they did anything extravagant (other than occasionally going to a Chicago Cubs or White Sox game – which was pretty special) but I loved being with them and we were very close, particularly my grandma and I. I miss her.

The thing about my grandma is that she was very present with me in and out of the activities of daily living. She listened to me, engaged in conversation with me and held me. I loved that about her and I enjoyed being with her. This challenges me to reflect on my relationship with the Lord. He is ever present (even more so than she could have ever been). He listens to me, speaks to me, and holds me. He is always available and never out of reach and He desires for us to be present with Him, as well -- to speak to Him, listen to Him, spend time with Him, share with Him our joys and our sorrows, and enjoy Him.

I want to be more aware of enjoying God. I want to enjoy him in the moments of each day. Enjoy His grace and great love for me. Enjoy the intricate and immense dimensions of His personality. They do not have to be big “over the top” experiences, just living life together. It makes for a relationship, a deep, never leaving, always abiding type of relationship.

Dear reader, you are a priority to God and He desires to be a priority to you. Take time in the little and big things of each day to acknowledge His presence and His love and affirm your love for Him. I learned from my grandma that it is in the little things that we are given opportunities to love and be loved. Make a conscious effort to grow in your relationship with the Lord in this way, as well. Enjoy Him!