He Will Restore Our Joy

Mary sat on a stool in a storage room in the back of the basement. Her husband was upstairs, fighting a courageous battle with cancer. Her sweater and slacks hung loosely on her thinning frame. Her gray hair, wrapped up in a loose bandanna, framed her bright and beautiful face that reflects a love for the Lord Jesus. At seventy five years old and she is an artist pursuing the heart of God.

I stood a short distance from her, examining the storage shelves that had been built by her husband years before. Gradually, I pulled out bound canvas pictures that she painted over the years, and for one reason or another, had stored away in the catacombs of her basement. Most of them she was displeased with. The balance or the proportions or the colors were wrong, in her eyes. We were on a quest to gather up some of her work to be shown and sold, and thought that it worthwhile to explore the basement gallery where some of her work slept.

I pulled off the shelf a painting of red potted geraniums. It appeared dusty, old and worn.

"Oh, dear, " she sighed. "No one would be interested in that one. I painted it years ago. Dick gave me those geraniums and I set up my easel in the kitchen and painted them right on the spot. The painting hung in a local art store, but then was returned after a fire had damaged the store, and the painting. See the sides, dear, they are gray from the smoke. The whole painting, in fact, is dingy and has little beauty anymore."

I was taken by the story. How interesting and yet sad. All those years had gone by and this painting sat, unframed, resting on the shelves in this small place. No light. No love. No appreciation. Just waiting.

After consulting with Mary, I took a damp towel and began to wash the painting with gentle strokes. Layer by layer, the grime and smoke particles came off, and underneath, brilliant and deep colors began to emerge. The painting was being made new again and it was quite lovely.

The painting was gradually being restored. To restore something means to give it new life; to bring back from a state of injury or decay. It is taking something from a changed state and returning it to life.

Dear reader, are you feeling veiled by the darkness of your circumstance? Is the suffering that you are experiencing like a shroud of gray covering your heart, mind, body and soul? Do you feel as if you are in need of new life? Are you dry and lifeless needing refreshment?

Psalm 23:3 tells us that "... he restores my soul." God comes in and revives us and refreshes our spirit. He takes our hearts that have been covered in our sin or our suffering or our sorrow and gently wipes away that which clouds, and brings out new color and depth in to our lives.

Like the Psalmist we can cry out "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" (Psalm 51:12). Dear reader, only God can do this. He is the Artist of your life and He can wipe clean all that stands in the way of you radiating your true beauty. And with that, He will grant a spirit within us that will help us to hold on. Only God can restore our joy.

God is the Great Restorer. We may wonder today, "How in the world will that happen? What will it look like? When, O Lord, when?" But we can rest, in our wonder, knowing that He will restore the joy of Jesus in us, and like the picture, we will reflect anew, His beauty.

An Unique Fellowship

When I think of "fellowship" I think of two things primarily -- donuts and coffee in "Fellowship Halls" and spending time with people that I love who have the same love for the Lord. Recently, I had a gathering in my home. Some people who are very dear to me were present, and I realized that due to my not being as involved during my current situation, that I really missed fellowship with them. I reflected back on different activities and committees that I was part of and my heart felt the loss of having to give those things up, at least for a season.

And then the Lord reminded me that I am not alone, but part of a fellowship, indeed, a very special and unique fellowship.

Philippians 3:10 says "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings ..." I stand in the face of the truth of these verses and I find myself passionately affirming "Yes! I want to know Jesus. I want to know all about Him. And I want to know and understand the power of His resurrection and what that means for my life!"

But admittedly, I stumble through the next words, guarded and uneasy, not quite as enthusiastic about wanting the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings. Ouch! A desire wells up inside of me that says "Yes, Lord, whatever it takes." But my mind and body glance sideways and query "But do I have to do that?"

What does that or could that mean? The word "fellowship" in the Greek is "koinonia" meaning a state of joint participation and cooperation in a common interest or activity. It is the highest expression of a personal relationship, not just coffee and donuts and committees.

When we walk through the valley, we can take comfort that we do not walk it alone, but in fellowship with the One who has endured all things. He knows our pain and our trials. These very things that bring us affliction also are the things that drive us to Jesus. He has experienced more than we could ever imagine, and yet in His loving kindness, He fellowships with us in our sufferings. He is ever present. When we hurt, He hurts. When we weep, He weeps.

Dear reader, we must admit, that it is those people who have walked through a great amount of suffering whom we can depend on the most to enter in to our pain and give us the comfort of God which they have experienced. But with Jesus, it is even more so. Our companionship with Him in our grief and our sorrow and our struggles is bound together by the strong, long lasting ties of His love. Our heart grows closer to Him and richer with Him as we fellowship with Him amidst our suffering.

Do we want to know Jesus and the power of His resurrection? Yes, but we can not know Him apart from abiding in the fellowship of His sufferings. The things that we learn and the changes that occur in the school of suffering are permanently marked upon our hearts, and the relationship with Jesus that is experienced is far deeper that one can ever imagine. And in the darkest and stormiest of journeys through the valley this gives our suffering a purpose and a peace, and in that we can rejoice.

He Will Renew Our Strength -- That's a Promise

The sense of renewal abounds in Spring. The air has a new smell, the ground is fresh with new growth, birds begin to find their sweet little voices again. Even our homes seem to ache for a good cleaning and a freshening up with pastel colors and the accent of flowers.

And so it is with the desires of our hearts, a longing for renewal runs deep and wide. Amidst trial and suffering, we walk the precipice of wanting renewal and being overwhelmed with our here and now. The tension of living in this place of teetering on the edge of both realities is difficult.

Isaiah 40:30-31 says, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

We can take heart. We all are going to grow tired and weary, even the youngest and most fit. However, the Word then says "but," in other words "even when you do" by hoping in the Lord, your strength with be renewed. To hope in is to trust and look expectantly to the Lord. To renew in the Hebrew means to literally "change" like in a change of a clothes. When we are weary, we can put on a fresh garment of the strength of God through turning to Him and putting our trust in Him.

Waiting on the Lord is not a passive process. It is an active seeking and relying on Him, despite what our circumstances are. This is a process of discipline. Sometimes we are tempted to cry out "But it's too hard!" This is one of the mysteries of God at work in us, we try to hope, and at the same time, He pours in to us the strength to do so.

When we do, we are able to do the unimaginable. God gives us the strength to soar above like the eagle. He gives us the strength to run the race marked out for us and to move forward in His work in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. In Isaiah 40:31 "weary"means "exhaustion because of the hardness of life." We can trust that God will give us the strength to overcome this weariness, even when our circumstance may not change.

Yes, dear reader, in all of life, we will grow weak and tired. We may be exhausted. But as we hope in the Lord and trust Him, He will renew our strength. He will bring life to us again, rejuvenate us, grow us up and make us new again. And we will be able to soar and run and walk over and through wherever He asks us to journey with Him.

As you look about in our physical world of the renewing that God is doing in the process of Spring, take heart that as you depend on Him, He will (not maybe) give you strength and bring new life to you.

God Does Reveal Deep and Hidden Things

I must admit that I have not had the greatest week. Oddly enough, it is not anything in particular. The only way that I can explain it is a a vast cavernous sense of loneliness in combination with being filled with a great amount of sorrow. Empty but full - I am sure there is a powerful lesson in that.

But despite how I am feeling, I try to see God and what He has to share with me about myself or my circumstance or about Him, in the details of each day. Sometimes it seems as if I discover a treasure trove; this week I am struggling to see much, but this is one thing I noted.

I took the dog for a long walk or rather, he took me. (He is still struggling with heeling and obeying! Both of which seem to take a long time to learn, unfortunately.)

We were experiencing our first day of over sixty degree temperatures. It was beautiful. The birds were singing. The air smelled of moist soil and sunshine and running water. Do you know that smell? You can hear the flowing water, as the snows of winter are melting, and the smell is fresh and clean.

I love the sound and smell of melting snow. After a long winter, it is so pure and hopeful. I live in a climate that gets alot of snow. The snow banks are still 4 -5 feet tall in some places, but you know what I noticed about these snow banks on the side of the road? They are filled with junk. As the sun and the warm air have their thawing effect, alot of stuff from the long winter is revealed. Up until now, the snow had covered up all of the refuse, but now I could see it. It was always there, but not seen. Styrofoam chunks, and straws, and chunks of plastic, and soda bottles and milk bottle rings. Junk of all sorts had been hidden under the snow all winter, and now, in the melting process, it was being revealed, and would have to be dealt with. Someone was going to have to clean it up.

Daniel 2:21a-22 says "He changes times and seasons. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him." Over time, God does reveal all that is hidden. He knows that it is there. Nothing is out of His sight, and with the light of His love, like the warmth of a Spring day, truth is exposed. I have known by experience that when I ask God to show me the truth, whether in my circumstances or in my own heart, He does so. It may require some waiting on my part, but He does reveal it. Sometimes, it is junk in someone else's yard, and sometimes it is junk in my own yard, but He is faithful to show it.

Not to be too pessimistic, however, the truth is that as I see the snow melt, there is not only harsh, ugly truth that needs to be dealt with but beauty as well. Underneath the cold dark covering of snow, is new growth. Fresh, vibrant green shoots of life begin to poke their little heads out of the soil. This is truth, too.

So, dear reader, as you walk through today, ask God to show you the truth. Maybe it is truth in a relationship or about Him or about yourself. Maybe it is junk, and maybe it is beauty. In time, as He reveals the truth to you, trust Him to give you the grace that you need to face the truth. He loves you so very much -- unfailingly.

Do Not Lose Heart -- Nothing is Wasted with God

With muscles aching and breathing labored, I began to unpack the streamers and balloons. I was getting ready for my pity party. It started during my workout. I was with a group of people, participating in a "boot camp" style of working out. I was rotating through different exercises, led by a "platoon leader" and just about killing myself with exhaustion. I appreciate the results of working out, but I hate the process.

"Why does everything have to be so hard for me?" I grumbled to myself. Everything about getting through this trial is hard. Working out is hard. Getting up is hard. Sleeping through the night is hard. Staying organized is hard. My list went on and on. The only thing I could really say wasn't hard was eating, and that was only because I had Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies in the house, but even so, resisting to eat the whole box, was hard. And so the party began, and I was well on my way with noise makers and party games before long.

Then in the nick of time, thankfully, the truth of God was hand delivered to me by two people; nothing is wasted in God's economy. And the still small voice of God gently nudged my stubborn heart and said, "Therefore do not lose heart."

Now where was that verse? I picked up my bible and searched it out. 2 Corinthians 4:16 - 18 says "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I felt as if I was losing heart. I wanted to give up. Throw in the towel. Jump ship. (Although I wasn't sure where I would jump to.) The truth is, we all are getting older day by day but more so, I also was feeling the outward physical effects of wasting away as I was enduring a trial for a long period of time. I was tired, weary, even aching. Much like I feel during my workout.
The verses encourage us, though, that, in the power of the Holy Spirit, our inner being is being renewed day by day. When I workout, I do not see the benefit of what is happening each time I lift a weight or run or row. The great amount of physical exertion and strenuous activity do not produce strong muscles overnight. Much in the same way, the suffering in our lives although it may be taking its toll on our bodies, is producing a strength in our inner being. And God as the great "platoon leader" is standing there assisting us through the whole process.

There is so much in these three verses that I see, as I study them tonite, and it would take me a long time to write them all, so I encourage you, dear reader, to seek God in what He may have for you here. We need to keep our eyes fixed not on our circumstances, but looking up and away, we can fix our eyes on the eternal glories that our trials are achieving for us, producing for us, working out for us. Nothing is wasted in God's economy; He is using it all.

This is not all for our good, however. It is also for the good of God's people and for His glory. As we endure the workout of our sufferings, we gain a greater capacity to praise, serve and glorify God, not only in the now, but in the future, when we will stand before Him and struggle no more.

Just for the record, the party is pretty much torn down now. The Lord helped me get rid of the pathetic pity party. The only party I'm now working on preparing for is the one that I look forward to celebrating in heaven.

Trash or Treasure

I am unlovable. I am not special. I do not have anything to offer the world. I am a disappointment. I am not worth fighting for. I am alone. I am always wrong. I deserve bad things. I do not deserve respect. There is something wrong with me.

My friend and I rambled to each other on the phone the other night. We talked about how annoying, if not downright painful, it is to have old tapes slipped in to the tape recorder, and before we even know it, we are hearing the junk again. I think as women, if we are totally honest with ourselves and each other, we think these crazy thoughts from time to time. They often come out of no where, usually when we are weak and worn down. They may be things we heard from the past or the present, and our minds just don't forget. When we are struggling and weary, they slip right in and try to make themselves comfortable. They think they belong, but they do not. They are trash.

The enemy of our soul wants to have us believe that they are true. Satan is a deceiver and murderer and he will try and use these thoughts to manipulate our faith and kill our hopes, our dreams, our desires and our trust in God. He is ruthlessly determined to convince us (and when we are down in out, what better time?) that God does not love us or care for us or have plans for us. Satan's talk is trash talk. And He thinks the more trash he throws, the more likely it is that we will pick it up, or at least, that it will get stuck to us, somewhere. Yuck.

Dear reader, do not let this trash reside within you. Take hold of the trash and drag it out to the curb. In the powerful name of Jesus, you can remove it. Get it off the premise. It smells and it has not use, and in time, it will breed infestation and infection. This trash is nasty and it is a lie.

Drag out the trash, and grab hold of the treasure, God's truths about you. You are His treasured possession, His chosen one, belonging to God. You are loved with an everlasting love. You are worth fighting for. He has fought for you by sending His one and only Son. You are special, and created in the image of God, and you are beautiful. You are not alone. He has not forsaken you. That is a promise. He has great plans for your life, and in each one of them He is making you even more special, as He forms you to be more like His Son.

Dear loved ones, what will we choose to listen to? The trash that comes in to our heads and holds us back from experiencing life with Christ and healing or the treasure of God's Word that teaches us all about God and who we are in His image? Right now, in the name of Jesus, ask God to show you what trash to take out and what treasures to believe. He is faithful and just to show you the truth, and loving and tender to gently care for you in the process.

Lost and Lonely and Brought Home

I spoke to a friend today about her kitten. It was missing for 4 days, and showed up on her back porch today. Visions of this lost kitten conjured up images of it being tired and hungry and lonely, out in the cold, trying to find its way home, not hearing the voice of its master calling for it from a distance. My heart went out to this poor little kitten, and then I realized why. I was feeling a bit lost and lonely, myself.

Loneliness can occur in different scenarios. We can be lonely when we are alone, lonely when we are in crowds and even lonely in our circumstance. Loneliness feels empty and it can hurt.

I wrote and taught a bible study last year, long before I knew of my current struggle. It was on Psalm 107 and it was titled "Unfailingly Loved." In particular one of the phrases that I used to summarize part of the chapter (verses 4-9) was "Lost and Lonely and Brought Home." The Psalmist talks about being lost in a desert wasteland, thirsty, hungry and failing away, looking for a way to a city. Finally, the people cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress, and led them by a straight way.

Yes, sometimes we wander from the Lord and we are lost, and other times I think that we can even feel lost and lonely in our troubles. They become wastelands for us. We are in need of so many things (food and water, only to name a few of what seems like the least of our needs) and we are looking for a place of safety -- a refuge. We are not much different from the Israelites of old or even from each other. Our pain and suffering may be different, but in it, we can feel lost and lonely.

The good news is that we can be brought home, as we call out to Him. He leads us by straight paths, satisfies our needs and brings us to a place of safe keeping. It may not always feel like it, but we can be confident. For the God that loves us with an unfailing love, even sent His one and only Son to die for us, and be raised from the dead, so that we can have forgiveness of our sins and live in the bliss of eternity with Him. This very God relentlessly seeks after us, and is waiting for our call.

Sometimes, I think I get too weary or discouraged to cry out to Him, perhaps afraid that He will not answer or will not hear, both of which I know are not true. I can fear that His answer may be different than what I expected, or think that I can handle. However, we can trust God that His way is the straight way, that He knows every need that we have and will satisfy it, and even give us good things amidst it all. He has us just where we need to be right now, and is directing us towards the city of refuge that He has for us - Himself.

Dear reader, perhaps you feel the same right now, in your solitary place of suffering. If so, join with me as I cry out to the Lord. "Dear Lord, I am lonely and feeling as if I am wandering in and through my time of suffering. I do not always feel your presence. Help me to really know that you are an ever present help in trouble and that you are leading me, satisfying me and filling me with good things, even now. Help me to know the safe refuge of You as my home. Please hear my call. I choose to trust in You. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

Power, Perspective and Peace

Regardless of whether we are in the heat of the trial or in the monotony of the mundane, we may fall in to patterns of worrying and wallowing. We may tend to take our eyes off of the Lord Jesus, and get bogged down in the details of our current situations. This is where I am finding myself lately, and realizing that I am in desperate need of reigning in my thought life.

To "reign" means "to rule over." Our thought lives can get away from us. We can fret over the littlest things, or the biggest, or we throw our hands up in to the air and feel like giving up. We obsess about our fears and exhaust ourselves with the work-out of worry.

God's Word tells us to "take captive every thought" (2 Corinthians 10:5). It can be challenging to break out of the cycle of destructive thinking that we can fall in to, but it is possible, and God's Word is one of the keys.

Imagine a horse out of control. He is bucking and running wild. The owner takes hold of the reigns, and holds firm. With a strong grip, the owner pulls hard on the reigns and slows and directs the horse, so that it becomes more obedient and relaxed. The owner rules over the actions of the horse.

And so we can with our thoughts. We can grab hold of our thinking with a strong and firm grasp and slow it down, making it more obedient to the will of God and subsequently, bringing peace to our soul. We reign in our thinking and align it with the thinking of He whom reigns over all, Jesus.

But how can we do this? We immerse ourselves in to God's Word. It is here that we experience three things -- perspective, power and peace. When we read God's Word, God reminds us of Who He is. We remember His faithfulness and His love, His tender care and His all-sufficiency. He shows us Who He is specific for our particular situation.

We experience the power of God's Word. Hebrews 4:12 says "For the Word of the God is living and active." Somehow, like the healthy food that we eat, it comes in to our bodies and nourishes our souls. We may not always be aware of how it is working, but just like the nutrients that strengthen us when we eat food, the Word of God strengthens us.

And we experience the peace of God. God uses His Word to calm our anxious hearts and to remind us of the peace that only He has for us. Like a warm blanket on a cold day, a peace wraps around us and brings us comfort.

So, dear reader, as you may struggle with your thoughts getting away from you and taking you on a wild ride, turn to God's Word and experience the perspective, power and peace that He has for you, as your thoughts are reigned in and ruled over, once again, by Him.

What To Do With These Broken Pieces?

Do I sometimes feel like God swoops in for the big rescue and then leaves me to clean up the debris and make new of the situation? Admittedly, I do. I rummage around looking for items to salvage and then wonder how I'm going to use these bits and pieces to rebuild my life, forgetting who is in control and getting impatient with God and His perfect plan. Sitting amidst the rubble right now, I have grown quiet and discouraged.

I am tempted to begin to think that that God does the big job, and then I fix it up. I forget that He takes the broken pieces and is the One, the only One, who can put them together and make me whole again.

Psalm 147:2 - 5 says, "The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the exiles of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; he understanding has no limit."

I need to let go of trying to put the pieces together, and hold on to God, Who not only knows the name of every star, which He created, but knows mine. Dear reader, embrace this truth in your suffering, as well. He does all of the gathering and building of His loved ones. He takes the brokenness and makes it whole. He binds up the wounds, because of His great and unfailing love. His understanding has no limit, and therefore, He knows the very best for us and the very best timing.

Little by Little

From time to time it seems as if God gives me a special verse. Today, the Lord brought to mind a verse that he gave me in August of last year, and I believe that He wanted me to remember it to encourage me to persevere, even now.

Exodus 23:29-30 says, "But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land."

Does it seem as if God is taking too long to work in a situation? The foe is great and prayers seem to be unanswered, or partially answered. We may call out to the Lord and ask for deliverance. "Please! The trial is too great! The burden to heavy! The oppression too fierce! The battle too intense."

Of course, God is capable of responding in one massive movement (after all, He did create the world) but sometimes He chooses to work slowly, or at least, what appears to be such, and it is hard for us to see the benefit of His strategy amidst the long dark expanses of time.

We need to remember that God knows who we are and what we need. In our circumstances, we may need to further develop our strength or perseverance or integrity. If He was to remove that which plagues us too quickly, we may not grow in those areas. Only God knows.

The wild animals of entitlement, ungratefulness, apathy, mistrust or self-doubt could over power the victorious land that God intends to give us. And so, sometimes, little by little, God drives out the wild animals and desolation that infect us, inside. These things would overtake us if we did not deal with them, with Him -- our own sins, our past, our mistrust, our unbelief, our selfishness or our insecurities (to name a few).

Little by little, in great detail with fine quality, the Lord deals with us in our circumstances until we have the strength and integrity of character to possess the land -- the life -- that God has for us in Christ Jesus. And little by little, He drives out the enemies that we battle with, until we are ready to possess that land of freedom that God has prepared for us.

So, dear reader, persevere in keeping your eyes and faith focused on Jesus. God is about a very detailed work in your life, as you trust in Him and obey Him in the way that He may be asking you to walk. It may seem like He is holding back, but I believe He is not, but just working the very best plan so that we will be ready to possess a fertile, healthy, beautiful land.

My Thoughts on Anger

I find anger a very challenging and mysterious emotion to deal with. Culturally, especially for women, it is often not accepted, and we grow up and continue to shame ourselves when we become angry or totally dismiss the emotion, thus ending up not really dealing with it, and unfortunately, watch it grow in to either depression or bitterness.

I believe it has been said that angeris one of the stages of healing. It doesn't really feel like it, but I am trying to give it the benefit of the doubt, and allow it to knit its way in to my healing.

I have been teasing through the details of righteous anger and unrighteous anger. I am not sure if what I am thinking is entirely right, but it is where I am at right now, and I am mulling it over. Feel free to share with me your thoughts.

As far as I can tell unrighteous anger (that which is not consistent with God's will and His ways) pins me down and gets in the way of my spiritual growth and healing. Righteous anger (that which is godly and grieves over sin) helps to define more of who I am, helping me to heal and helping me to grow in righteousness.

In evaluating our anger, we are to first seek God's truth. Is the "thing" that we are angry at in accordance with what God says is wrong or contrary to what God says is right and true? In prayer and reading God's Word we can seek counsel from the Spirit and ask Him to reveal to our hearts and minds the source and reason for our anger.

If we realize that our anger is unrighteous or that we have sinned in our anger, we need to ask the Lord to forgive us, and perhaps others, as well. We lay it down at His feet and ask Him to wipe away our anger and help us to walk in ways that are obedient to Him. This is a constant act of worship and awareness as we acknowledge our sinfulness before God, and acknowledge the saving power of Jesus to make us right with God.

If we realize that it is righteous anger, we need to also acknowledge exactly what it is that we are angry about. What wrong are we abhorring and feeling such a strong emotion against? What are we coming up against that God's Word says is wrong? Is it gossip, betrayal, deceit, injustice or any number of other acts of evil? As we are able to define that which is angering us, we are better able to define who we are, created in the image of God. For instance, if we are angry because gossip is wrong, we realize that sincerity and truthfulness or confidentiality are important to us. Our anger becomes a tool that helps us to define the good and godly traits in us that God has written on our hearts. I suppose if we do not have anger against that which is evil and wrong, perhaps we do not have a true love for that which is godly and good.

Once we are able to define our anger, repent of any unrighteous aspects of it, understand its value in defining who we are, we are then able to begin to embrace it. We can begin to trust the Lord that bit by bit, in good and right time, and in His tender care that he will weave it in to the redemptive healing process that He is at work with in our lives.

These are just my thoughts for today, dear reader, as I wrestle with a growing sense of anger within my heart. I am trying to uproot any bitterness that is trying to sprout up, and trying to let God use my anger for my good as he shapes and fashions me to be more like Jesus. Somehow. Is it simple and easy? How I wish I could say that, but I am believing that God can do immeasurable more than I could hope for or ask for, even in this.

Standing on His Promises

"Well, I guess I'll just keep on riding the wave," I said to a friend on the phone, rather flippantly and fatalistically. She asked how I was doing in regards to holding up under the pressures and sorrow of my current situation. "The problem with that," I groaned "is that I seem to keep feeling as if I'm either crashing against the shore or getting sucked out to sea."

Later, the misery of my moaning gnawed away at me. What sort of truth was I embracing? What thoughts was I allowing to creep in to my heart and soul to believe that I was just being tossed around with out a purpose or being part of a plan?

I needed to re-group. Within a few days, another friend of mine shared with me that she was really working on internalizing the truth of "standing on the promises," and I realized that I needed to take that to heart, as well, and remember what I knew to be true and who God had been and was in my life. He was in control and I could stand firm on the truth of God's faithfulness and the precious promises that He has for us.

The second verse of the old hymn, Standing on the Promises by R. Kelso Carter says,

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,

When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,

By the living Word of God I shall prevail,

Standing on the promises of God.

Here is where we stand, on the promises of God, revealed to us through life and His Holy Word. We are not floating out at sea, being tossed about by the wind and waves, without purpose or care.

Hebrews 10:23 says, "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Dear reader, let us take hold of our Jesus who will steady us and help us to stand firm on the promises of God. We need not be tossed by the waves of fear and doubt, but can trust in the Lord and believe that He has a perfect plan for each one of us. What promises are you standing on today? Search God's Word for the wonderful words that He has for you.

Suffering is Not a Sprint (No kidding!)

When I was in high school, I used to be on the track team and my events were primarily the sprint events. I did not run long distance races. Too long, too hard, and I could not see the finish line when I started. I didn't like that.

The thing with the sprint events is that they are quick and you can always see the finish line. You have to expend alot of energy to get out of the blocks, but being able to see where the destination is makes a big difference. When we cross the finish line, we can look back and see where we started, and even the wind may be knocked out of us, the recovery time is shorter and the reward for our accomplishment, quicker.

I guess I am a better sprinter when it comes to life's trials, as well. I can get out there, rally the troups or myself, and with a burst of energy and the finish line in view, I can do it! I am definitely significantly more challenged when it comes to the long distance race; here is where we have to pace ourselves, aware of our energy levels at any given moment and despite the fact that we can't see the finish line, persevere believing that we will cross the line.

Dear reader, perhaps you are aware of what I speak of. We can "survive" the intense but short crises of life, but it is the long, stretched out sufferings that can take their toll on us. If we could only see the finish line. I do not necessarily mean the finish line of heaven, although that may be the case, but even what appears to be the finish line just for this event. How will this particular "event" end? What is God's redemptive finale and what will our story look like?

I find myself breathless and weary -- "hitting the wall" as they say. No sign of the finish line, and in need of energy and replenishment, and yet determined to finish the race, strong because of He who strengthens me.

Hebrews 12:2 encourages us to run the race that marked out for us with perseverance! God marks out the race, where the finish line is and how long it will take us to get there; we really don't need to see the end point to run the race. He knows each step of the way, what we need for replenishment, what the end of this "event" looks like.

Let us, like the Apostle Paul be able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 4:7). It does take alot of faith along the way. Hebrews 2:2 goes on to say, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith." Persevere and run the race, not growing weary. Jesus, the author and the perfecter of our faith, will show us the way to the finish line and we will rejoice with Him there!

Through Thick and Thin Thankfulness

Over the past couple of days I have been keenly aware of the value of trying to attain or maintain a thankful heart. Somehow, I think that we can find the peace of God there as we bask in an awareness of that which He has given us, even amidst great pain and difficulty, and offer that back to Him on the pillow of thanksgiving.

So, today, I quite simply want to express my gratitude to God for the friends that He has given me, and all that they have done for me. As I look back over the last several years and even more so months, I can see how God has used each friend in a unique way to build me up, hold me together or let me fall a part in a safe place.

I am thankful for meals, cards(I have saved every one) and phone calls. I am thankful for friends who offer up prayers for me and my family. You have stormed the gates of heaven for us, and I am confident that God is using them. I am thankful for the friends who come over to my house, even when I want to just hide and cry, and thankful for the ones who give me space when I need it. I am thankful for friends who encourage me with God's Word. You will never know how it cuts straight to my soul and nourishes me when I need it most. I am thankful for the people who take a risk and care for me, even when they do not know what to say; I feel the Lord's presence when they took the time. I am thankful for friends who stand on truth and do not tolerate sin. I am thankful for friends who take time for my children, giving them attention and showing them what it means to be the family of God. I am thankful for the wisdom and discernment that friends share with me, not fearing man, but fearing God only, in all that they say. I am thankful for friends who sit with me late in to the night and hear my pain, and then do something silly to make me laugh. I am thankful for my friends who believe in me, even when I do not believe in myself, and encourage me to be all that I can be. I am thankful for their words of encouragement about Who God is who I am and about what I write.

Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times." Like the card above sent by a friend says, a friend does love Through Thick and Thin. In addition, Through Thick and Thin we are to cultivate a heart of thankfulness. So, thank you to the Lord and thank you to my dear friends. They show me the love of God and hold out the Light to light my path when the darkness feels too dark for me to see. I have learned of the love and peace of God through all of them.

Slow Down and Heal

Courage, my puppy, is growing. I try to take him for a walk twice a day. He has alot of energy and needs alot of training. One of the things that I am trying to teach him is how to heel, and quite frankly, I am having a difficult time doing so. I walk along, saying firmly to him, "Heel, Courage! Heel!" I must say it 100 times (and I am not exaggerating) each time I take him out for a walk.

But in the last couple of days when I said "Heel!" I heard something else. The cry of my heart, not just my mouth, was yelling to myself "Heal!" -- at least 100 times.

I have been desiring healing for my broken, hurting heart. In the last couple of days, when I said "Heel!" to the dog, I heard something else -- the cry of my heart was yelling out, "Heal!" And I realized how desperately I was wanting for healing to occur.

Then I believe the Lord was nudging my heart to hear "In order to heal, Andrea, you need to do for me just what you'd like this dog to do for you. You need to slow down and walk in step with me."

Even though the words are entirely different (other than how they sound) I began to see alot of similarities in "healing." Courage often wants to run ahead. So do I. Sometimes he is difficult and keeps his head down, instead of walking with it upright, looking forward. So do I. He often wants to do go wherever he wants to go. So do I. Heeling doesn't seem to come naturally to him, and healing doesn't seem to come naturally to me.

It is not a perfect analogy and breaks down after that, but I do know that I have some things to learn. I want to run ahead and hurry up the process of healing, but God says slow down. Sometimes, I have my head down when I need to be keeping my chin up and keeping my eyes focused on the Lord. Sometimes, I want to do what I want to do, but God wants me to walk in step with Him, along side of Him, and trust Him in the process. He knows how I should walk and where I should go. In that, comes the healing. I can not heal myself, only God can. It is all a part of His grace in my life, not a product of something I do naturally.

In the New Testament we read of the great Healer, Jesus. The Psalmist speaks of Him, as well. "He heals up the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in His unfailing love" (Psalm 147:3,10-11).

And so God whispers to me in my daily life, even the walking of the dog. "Slow down, dear one whom I love with an unfailing love. Walk by me. I will show you the way, and will heal your wounds. Just walk with me." May you know this to be true for you, too, as you desire God to heal the wounds in your life, dear reader. Healing can not be hurried and it is not controlled by our strength or our ability. Only the One True Healer can change our hearts and make them whole again.

From Impassable to Unbelievable

My mind was moved to think about Moses today and the parting of the Red Sea. I'm not sure if it was because of the fierce winds outside today, or the fact that I have been feeling pressed between my past, my present and concerns of the future, but regardless, I believe that God brought it to my mind, and so I spent some time in Exodus 14 and 15 this evening.

You may want to read through it, but I will paraphrase. Try to imagine what it would have been like to be an Israelite at the very moment of coming up to the edge of the Red Sea. They were brought out of the slavery of Egypt finding themselves up against another insurmountable obstacle. They would have looked over their shoulders to see the armed Egyptians with their horses and chariots kicking up all sorts of dust and making quite an impression of power, and looked in front of them seeing and feeling the large mass of water.

Even though they had the visible presence of the Lord in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, I wonder how many stood there, pressed in by a force that seemed to have the advantage, and thought, "This is it. We are done for!"

Could they even dream of what God was going to do? Were the experiencing doubt and fear, and maybe even anger? What did they think when the east wind began to kick up? "Are we going to get blown into the sea?" Can you imagine the "shock and awe" that they experienced when the walls of water began to form? The noise? The smells? The confusion? Did they fear that they would drown?

And yet, they stepped out in faith, and walked on dry ground. God created a miracle, provided a way, and their feet and belongings never even got muddy!

God delivered them safely and He took care of the enemy. When they Israelites were safe, the waters closed up again, and all the Egyptians who were pursuing them, were dead. In response, the Israelites feared the Lord and put their trust in Him and they sang a hymn to the Lord, celebrating God's spectacular victory.

This is the God who I desire to put my trust in, too. When we are pressed in from behind by circumstances that look more powerful and numerous that we are and facing the seas of discouragement and fear and sorrow, God can take what appears to be "impassable" and do the unbelievable.

Who knows what the mighty, loving hand of God will do when we choose to trust and obey Him. The song of praise following the deliverance of the Israelites calls out to the Lord, "In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed" (Exodus 15:13), and we can cry out to Him in full assurance that He will do this for us to, when we choose to love Him.

Be at peace, dear reader, for you are unfailingly loved. Whatever your circumstances are in your past, present or future, our God is incredible and He is writing a redemptive story for you. Your enemies, whether from with out or with in, have no power over you. God will provide a way for you, beyond your wildest imagination. Trust God.

Packed Down Like Ice

This is what is on my mind, and although not as lovely as some of the things I have written, it is what I feel that God has put before me today. I hope that somehow it helps you in your journey of seeking God.

The temperatures rose in to the fifties and a strong south wind whirled around and through every space that it could find. With the warming air and the wind, the piles of snow began to melt. It is an odd time of year. There is hope of Spring, and yet, there is the realization of the wear and tear of winter as the blanket of white melts and evaporates leaving behind the remnants of the long hard season. Branches, trash, piles of sand and grass, grotesque ice sculptures formed from the scraping of roads and driveways, and the bumpy build up of ice everywhere, now revealed.

One begins to notice the packed down ice more as the snow dissipates. Thick fields of it lay on driveways and roadways. We try and sprinkle some salt and hope that the addition of the sun will help to take care of the problem, but it usually is not enough. One must take out the sharp chisel and shovel and get to work at it. My driveway this year was notorious for the amount of ice that had formed on it. In some places, due to snow and rain build up, worsened by the fact that I drove over it and over it before ever shoveling it, it was 6 inches thick. To remove the ice took energy and time. I realized more and more that if I had dealt with the "causes of the problem" early on, I would not be working so hard.

And it dawned on me, so it is with my sin, our sin. Let me take anger for an example. Reality is that as sinners we are going to get angry. I am speaking of the unrighteous anger that brews in the sinful crevices of our hearts. It may start out small, a by product of an injustice that occurs, a rejection, a hurt, or due to a wrong that was perpetrated against us. If we let it build up and do not deal with it, it grows. It grows thick and cold and destructive. It starts out thin, and we think that we will have the time or strength to deal with it later. However, the more we pack it down (or allow others to drive over it and pack it down) the worse it becomes.

Sometimes, especially in my pain, I can feel my sin of resentment or anger grow. Today I am reminded of how ugly it looks and how much work it takes to rid of it. Sometimes, I don't like to look at my own sin. I'd rather look away and think to myself that I can deal with it another day, when perhaps I have more strength and energy.

But I know that if I deal with it early on and repent of it -- asking God for forgiveness and genuinely turning the other way and in the power of the Holy Spirit, seek change -- my struggle with that particular sin may begin to clear out of the way. I ask God to forgive me and change me and help me to deal with the issues that are creating this hardness within me, before it can build up and be a monumental task to remove.

I will choose to seek, God, though, even in the midst of my suffering, and ask Him to show me my own heart. Psalm 51 is David's humble prayer for forgiveness. We are reminded how God in His mercy, in His unfailing love for us, sent Jesus who has and continues to remove our sins and make us clean. He will chip away at what we bring to Him, and He will make our paths straight and strong again. This is what we can offer to Him, a broken and contrite heart, that has areas that have become cold and packed down, like ice, but are broken up and offered back to Him.

Assuredly Special? Ask God.

"How do you spell "SPECIAL?" my five year old daughter leaned over to ask me, in church this morning. Letter by letter, I whispered the answer in to her ear. She then proceeded to ask for the remaining words and wrote on the back of the bulletin. "Anna is special because God made her."

That short sentence has been on my mind all day. What confidence a child has about who they are. Simply put, she is assured of her specialness because God made her.

I lose sight of this for myself. I begin to believe that I am not special and wonder what value I have in God's eyes. Do you, dear reader, perhaps, too, fall in to believing that you are not special? Is it because of our troubles and trials? Or have we been told for too long that we are the problem or that we do not matter? Has life sent deep and different messages that have carved their way in to our hearts, leaving a mark that is so crooked that we are not able to even take hold of the truth? Do we feel lonely? Abandoned? Insignificant? Unloved?

Psalm 139:13 the Psalmist says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." He is confident of the Creator God's love for him, just like my dear little five year old daughter. God's works are wonderful, and we are one of those works.

The enemy of our souls and the experiences of our lives shout all sorts of lies to us. We have old tapes that play in our heads trying to convince us that we are other than who we really are. However, the truth is that we are special and loved and cherished; we are a wonderful work, made by Him -- that is why we are special. Take time to read in the Psalms this week and see what God has to say to you about who He made you to be and how very much He loves you. He has tender words that are just for you, and He will meet you right where you are and show you the truth about how special you are.

In Zephaniah 3:17 it says "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." That is how special you are to Him. He takes delight in you, who He has created. Rest confidently in His quiet love and listen closely for your Creator's voice. You may just hear the love song that you need to hear Him softly singing to you today.

Nothing is Impossible With God

The sun was shining, but all I seemed to be able to see where piles of dirt encased snow on the sides of the road and the outline of leafless branches reaching high up in to the sky. It was cold. The cars were covered in coats of flaked on salt. Bright outside, but frigid and dead looking all around.

Suddenly, this picture on the left flashed in to my mind. I had to hunt through my photos to find it, and was surprised to see that it had been almost 5 years since I had discovered this little flower.

One spring day, I was walking in my backyard and looked down to find one small purplish blue flower thriving amidst the patio of bricks. I was struck by the contrast of its delicate beauty against the harsh, flat hardness of its surroundings. Clearly, a seed had been wedged between the bricks, where it began to take root and grow. It survived rains and winds and the tromping of feet that had ran in the place where it was growing. It survived assaults and a cold winter and despite adversity and perhaps, even more so, its beauty blossomed. Somehow, the right amount of sun and water and soil had nurtured the sweet little flower, and it grew. Now it reflected the glory of God, to me.

God is reminding me that even though I may look around and all seems dark and cold and lifeless, not just in my physical surroundings of winter, but in the current reality of my life circumstances, that there is hope.

Luke 1:37 says, "For nothing is impossible with God." He can take the bleakest, hardest, most harsh of circumstances, and place His seed of love and grace amidst that, and grow a beautiful flower. And this is what He does for us. He plants us between the crags of our despair and our pain and creates beauty beyond description. We may not see it now, but we are growing, and with the proper amount of tears and Sonlight and Living Water, out will sprout the evidence of His glory in our lives, and we, in turn, will bring beauty to our surroundings.

So, dear reader, think about this little flower. It's seed endured a long winter and then it grew, not in a garden where the soil was well tilled and sun light was abundant, but in an unlikely spot where it was tight and dark and lonely. Take hope in the fact that it may seem impossible to us that a seed could grow in such a circumstance, but as with this seed, so is it with our lives, nothing is impossible with God.

Are we Home or Guest?

I sat on the firm wooden bleacher, wrapped up in my winter coat. Listening and watching the shuffle of the feet of 9 year old boys hustling down the basketball court and the rhythmic beat of the basketball, I snuggled in with my children and watched the game. It was an indoor game but in the northern states, early morning basketball games still mean wearing your winter coat while the cold gym warms up for another day of activity. It's cold.

The red letters on the score board jumped out from against the drab background. "Home 15, Guest 16."

"Are we home or guest, mom?" one of my daughters asked. We were Home.

Her question did get me thinking. How do we live? As if we are Home or Guest? In times of prosperity or times of trial, where do we claim our home to be? God's Word tells us that this is not our home. We are guests. Heaven is our home.

Now, basketball can be challenging (especially when you are 9 years old), but life can be really hard (regardless of your age, 9 or 90.) Life, like a basketball game, has its high times (like making a basket), its mundane times (like shuffling up and down the court) and its low times (like fouling or being fouled, or even being put out of the game). Sometimes it feels like in this place we are down by one point (or more), more frequently, than not. We need to remember, though, that we are guests. But life is not a game; life is fragile and requires a great amount of long-suffering and faith, to name a few things.

Jesus provides us comfort, though. He says in John 14, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going" (verses 1-4).

Jesus is the way and He tells us that in being so, He also goes before us and prepares a place for us. He will come back some day and take us to that beautiful place, where we will live in our heavenly home, with Him, forever. We are guests here, traveling on the paths that God has asked us to walk on. We struggle, but sing; hurt, but hope; trial, but trust.

This gives me great encouragement tonite to look toward a special place that Jesus has prepared just for me; just for you. Dear reader, take heart, do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. Trust in Jesus.