My youngest daughter crawled up next to me in bed and snuggled in close by. It was way past her bedtime, but she was in need of some one-on-one time. I was, too.
As we laid there in the darkness of the night, her sweet head resting on my shoulder, she began to talk to me about all sorts of things and asking me random questions. I tried to answer them.
“Were there a lot of shops when you were little?”
“When was Johnny Appleseed around?”
“Do you like having five children? Is it hard?”
“How could Jesus be born if He was always alive?”
“Isn’t it hard to believe that Grandma was a child?”
And the last one, before she drifted off to sleep, satisfied that I did not have all the answers,
“Mom, who invented campers?”
Questions. Lots of questions.
I have lots of questions, too, and in the past week I’ve asked the Lord, sometimes quietly and sometimes out loud, banging on the doors of heaven – even this morning.
Questions. Lots of them. Questions about love and life and forgiveness. Questions about life not being fair and justice. Questions about tomorrow. Questions about yesterday. Questions about today. And questions like “ Why have you not healed my son? Why must he struggle so much with having special needs.”
And although I do believe that God answers our questions, I also believe that He holds back sometimes in order for us to seek Him more or He answers them in ways that we could never imagine. And other times, I just don’t know why God does what He does.
I wish I understood the Lord better. Today, I feel as if He is the biggest mystery in the world.
Right before I hung up the phone with my friend Pat this morning, I asked her to pray for me, explaining to her how fears and questions rest heavy on my heart. She wisely reminded me, “Remember, Andrea, most importantly, you know Who is in control.”
And she’s right. So, like my daughter, I will rest my head upon His strong and safe shoulders in this day, knowing that even when I do not hear or understand all the answers, I can be at rest because He knows them all, He loves me and He is in control of everything.