From the Common to the Chaotic -- My Reflections

Before posting yesterday’s story, I had not watched the news nor checked Facebook (sadly, my other source of crucial news).

Rather, I was a captive audience on the couch to the Mickey Mouse Club on television and to my youngest daughter, home sick with a high fever.

And in that moment, I contemplated the common.

Following my pushing of the ‘publish’ button, for the story I wrote, I heard of the terrible tragedy that descended upon Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut.

And my thoughts turned from the common to the chaotic.

And I wept. A lot.

I’m not the only one who wept, of course.  Perhaps the more appropriate question would be, who didn’t?”

Heinous evil entered our world and we can not escape it’s wretched reality. It reeks and we recoil, and our raw hearts cry out , “Why? I can’t even imagine ….”

What makes it so hard for me is that I can’t find any answers.  

I have no theological solutions or words of wisdom. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth as I yearn for comfort and a cure for our broken world. 

It’s Christmas time, and there are people in Connecticut and around this world who need comfort and a cure.  Jesus came into the dark of the night more than 2000 years ago, at a very terrible time of history, and Herod killed babies – little ones precious to the Father.

That was then, and this is now, and the world still spirals on a course of destruction, but I am clinging to Jesus. And although I don’t have any answers, I am doing the one thing I can do … seeking the Lord, praying for those in Connecticut and across our chaotic world and asking the Lord Jesus to comfort and to come quickly. 

Dear Lord,  I don’t understand why this has happened. My mind is whirling and my heart is breaking.  Please come in to this darkness and bring hope and comfort to the people affected.   Draw them to yourself and help them to find a home – a hope – in you.  Bring them peace and an assurance of Your love, like only You can do. Jesus, you know all things. You faced evil and death and destruction, and you won.  Help these families in their darkness. Help us all. Please come quickly. Amen

New Places to Grow?

It’s gardening week for me … first weeding, now planting.

I wiggled the pink ivy geranium out of the pot.  The roots held tight to the sides of the plastic, but I eventually freed it. I squeezed the densely compacted roots, loosening them from the previous shape, and placed the plant in a new space.

It was for the good of the plant.

I debated, earlier, as to whether I should just place the geranium – in its original pot – in to my planters near my front door.

It would be easier. No one would ever know.  And, after all, wasn't it growing just fine in the current container?

But I thought again.

Perhaps it was growing “fine” but I knew that if I put it in new soil, in a more spacious container,  full of new nutrients, the roots would likely grow deeper and wider and the plant would thrive better.

What once was a place of growth for the plant, was now constraining it from further growth.

It needed new soil and new space ...

I feel a bit like that ivy geranium.

I’ve been growing (or at least I hope I have) in a certain place. It’s been a good place for me.

However, I feel the Hand of the Gardener taking hold of me and loosening me out of this place. 

I’m hesitant.

I try to hold on to what I know – what is familiar.

I’m even scared.

But, I know He knows that there are other spaces and places for me to grow –  places where my roots can grow deeper and wider and where I need to grow in new ways for Him.

I can’t be sure if this is happening or not, but something feels different.

Could it be that this place that I’ve been growing in is now holding me back from being all He wants me to be?

Am I ready for new soil and a new space?

And, exactly what will that space be?  What new circumstances will He choose for my growth? Will they be challenging? Difficult? What new places of trusting Him may He be planting me in?

I don't know, but I am trying to surrender. It’s not easy now. I know it may not be easy then.

I’m trying to loosen my hold on what I have grown accustomed to and allow the Great Gardener to place me where He wants, and trust Him in the process, for this I know for sure, He knows the plans He has for me. In this promise, I rest.

How about you, dear reader?  Do you know of times when God has transplanted you and you have grown in new ways there?

Lean on Jesus

"Exactly what do you mean when you say we should lean on Jesus?" an anonymous reader asked today, and I am so thankful that she did. (Yes, thank you, dear reader, for you gave me much to think about and challenged me to affirm to myself just how I can do that.)

I think that to "lean on Jesus" is to depend on Him and to rest upon Him. To lean on something or someone is to be supported by and/or sustained by that thing or person. My daughter is using crutches right now. Her leg hurts when she puts weight on it, making it difficult for her to walk independently. When she leans on the crutches and uses them to get around, her pain is not as great.

When she leans on the crutches, she relies on them. She trusts that they will hold her up. She believes that they will help her around.

And so it is with Jesus. But just like my daughter has to make a choice to pick up the crutches and use them to help her, so do we have to make the choice to depend on Jesus. We realize that we can not do it alone, and so we reach out and lean on the one who is fully trustworthy and will surely ease our pain.

Here are a few things that I have found to be helpful as I eagerly, desperately try to lean on Jesus:

1. Stay close to Him by spending time reading the Bible and asking the Lord to show you what is true about Him and true about you. Get to know Him through His Word and through quiet times of prayer. the more we know of Him and grow in an intimate relationship with Him, the more we can trust that He will hold us up.

2. Try to "let go" and "let God." Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you." Picture yourself placing your cares in the palm of your hand (or hands, some days!) and not only hand them out to the Lord, but then turn your hands upside down so that they fall out of your hands, and into His. If we have dropped them out of our hands, they are harder to hold on to. And if we are not trying to holding on to so much, it will be easier for us to rest on the Lord. God does not guarantee that He will obliterate our problems, but He does promise to be with us, holding on to us, as we lean in to Him and hand over our cares.

3. Try not to look too far down the path but rather tell yourself, "Just for today ..." Sometimes this is all we can do. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, committment that we can make. Call out to the Lord and say,

Help me to trust you, Lord, and obey -- Just for today.

Help me to know when to rest and to stay -- Just for today.

Help me to know when to move, and to know in which way -- Just for today.

Help me to discern what to say -- Just for today.

Help me to do what is right without delay -- Just for today.

Help me to lean when I sway -- Just for today.

Perhaps it sounds simple, but I know it is not. It can be very hard, but I am confident that Jesus is waiting for us to lean in on Him, and in that He is there to support us and to sustain us. Fall back in to His everlasting, loving arms and He will be found strong and dependable.

Loved and Cared for by The Man of Sorrows -- Our Jesus

Earlier this evening I was reading in an old book that I have, "The Precious Things of God" by Octavius Winslow. In particular, I was reading the chapter on the preciousness of trial. I was inspired by a great amount of what is written in this chapter being reminded that our trials and suffering can bear the disguise of a foe, but in reality are a friend.

And then within hours i would have to put my belief in that to the test. My oldest son, who has CP broke down and shared his heart with me over the loneliness that he is struggling with at school. He started high school this year and all seemed to be going OK, so I thought, but tonite he spoke of how he feels as if he does not have any friends.

The river of sorrow runs deep and strong in my soul right now, and the current quickly can pull me in to it. Surely, there is nothing like watching your child suffer that tears your heart a part. Lord, how much can I handle? Standing amidst the rubble of a major crisis, I then bear up the suffering of my daughter in physical pain and my son in emotional pain. I know ... God says He does not give us more than we can handle. But I am tempted to wonder.

It is one thing to struggle and endure and grow through a trial of your own, and a whole other experience to help your child do so. I found myself almost at a loss of words. What was I to tell my son in his deep loneliness? How could I direct him to the only Hope that we have without minimizing his pain? What words would make a difference?

I cried with him, tried to brainstorm about resources that we could turn to and prayed with him. And now, late at night, I am entrusting Him to the tender care of our loving Father in heaven who loves him more than I even do.

I shared with him that even though we can not understand why or what is happening, we can trust that God is in control of everything and that we do have a friend in Jesus. When we are lonely, we can turn to Him, and He is the best friend that we can have. I prayed for my son that he would know Jesus in a special way in the days and weeks to come and that he would be able to lean on him, even in his saddest moments, and that this dear friend, Jesus, is a man who is familiar with sorrows, just like the sorrows that my son is experiencing. Just like the sorrows that you and I are experiencing.

Isaiah 53:3 appropriately says, "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering."

Dear reader, if you struggle with loneliness today, I want to encourage you to lean in to Jesus. He knows your every heart ache and your every burden; He has experienced them all in great measure. He will come in and fill the lonely places with His perfectly sized love for us.

Lonely Places

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16.

I've been thinking alot about this verse, this week. Jesus withdrew to lonely places. I find myself in a lonely place. A lonely place that I would rather not be in. I do have friends and family who are standing by me, but, dear reader, I am sure you can relate ... suffering is still lonely.

Different versions of the bible translate "lonely" as "wilderness" or "desert" or "deserted places." I don't really want to withdraw in to my lonely place, but maybe, at times, this is the best place where I can meet God alone. Jesus knew that it was important to get away from the crowds, and have time with The Father. I want to learn how to embrace my lonely place to do the same.

I believe that it is in the solitude of our suffering that God teaches us things about Himself that we could not learn anywhere else. We can learn these things through opening our hearts to what God has to say to us in His Word and prayer. In our loneliness, we realize our longings. Our longings for knowing God, our longings for truly knowing ourselves through God's eyes, and our longings for a vision for our life, the special plan that God has for us.

Amidst the crowds and craziness and demands of life, we often do not want to withdraw in to these lonely places. We would rather avoid them or deny them. It can be scary.

But God has special gifts for us in our loneliness. My dear friend, Anne, will often tell me, "Just lean in to the pain." It's hard to do. I'd rather not. However, I have found, that in the leaning, I am learning more of God's love for me. And in leaning in to the pain, I find myself resting in His arms.