Mixing Mortar?

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The clear, sweet voice of Amy Grant streamed out of the speakers of my radio, “Here I go, mixing mortar, for another wall to build.”  And as I listened, I could feel my heart ache, as the Lord lifted the veil from the wall building project I've been working on. 

It’s not that I mean to build a wall right now. Before you know it, I take the crumbled dust of my hurt and pain and  mix it with the water of my tears -- stirring, stirring, stirring and making mortar. 

The thing about wall building is – once you’ve built a wall, even if you’ve torn it down, it goes up much easier the second (and third and hundredth) time.  I guess you could say, we become rather “skilled” at it.  We pick up the bricks, slop a bit of mortar between them, and up the wall goes.

I’m not sure we even realize it most of the time.

It’s not like we intentionally pull out the trough and the trowel and get to it. It just happens.

So, today, I’m standing back and evaluating the wall that I’m building. 

I’m asking myself (and the Lord) some tough questions.

What triggered me?

Why do I feel vulnerable?

Why do I seem to need to try and protect myself right now?

Is what I am doing wise? Am I building a wall to “guard my heart” for good?

Or am I building a wall to keep others at a distance because I fear more rejection?

Is this wall helping me? Hurting me?  Or Hindering my relationship with others?

And – finally, and most convicting – am I trying to build a wall between the Lord and me?

So many questions. Not sure of the answers.

So, I’m going where I know that I can rest and search and see – to the Lord.  I’m stepping over the wall I started, and running in to His arms, trusting Him to help me.

Can you relate dear reader? May I pray?

Dear Lord, There is so much that we do not know about our hearts, but you do. You know what we think, how we feel and why we act the way we do. You know every detail of our lives. Help us, the ones who are prone to “building walls” to see the truth.  Remind us of Your truths.  Help us to see if we are being wise and “guarding our hearts” for good reasons, or if we are being overly self-protective. Thank you for your faithfulness.  Thank you for being ever present and entering in to our pain. Help us to bring glory to You in whatever we do.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

The Fragrance of Life

Exhausted physically and emotionally, I settled in to my overstuffed chair to spend time with the Lord. Brushing up against a small pillow, a suddenly smelled the most pleasing aroma of lavender. I forgot that it was there, but its scent was unmistakable and unavoidable. The small decorated pillow is filled with small petals of dried lavender. They are withered, stripped from their stalk some time ago, but they continue to emit a lovely fragrance that delights.

And just as suddenly, God pressed in to my heart a reminder of His truth -- God uses areas in our lives that are dried out and withered – times of loneliness, pain, betrayal and loss -- to create a sweet aroma in the lives of those He places in our path. We may wonder, “Is there is anything good coming out of our pain? Is there any purpose in all of this?” Yet, when covered in the love of Jesus, these circumstances are used to bring hope to others. As others brush past us, God takes what we are enduring for Him, trusting Him in, and produces a sweet scent of hope.

2 Corinthians 2:15, 16 says “For we are to God the aroma of Christ … the fragrance of life.” What withered and dry time is God using in your life to produce the fragrance of life? Depression? Betrayal? Loss of a job? The death of a loved one? Loss of a dream? Living with a difficult person? Struggling with a disobedient or wayward child? An illness? Life is difficult. It can be hard to imagine or believe that there anything good will come out of so much pain and loss, but there is hope.

Like the pillow is covered in a lovely fabric, when we allow the most beautiful covering of Jesus' love to surround all areas of our lives, we will be used for His glory and His purpose. In His timing, He will bring about a pleasing aroma. Dear reader, perhaps you are fainthearted and downcast today. Take heart that God is using your circumstances to bring the fragrance of life to others around you, when you chose to be covered in the beautiful fabric of His love.

Come Dance with the Prince

There is something in Christmas that takes us by the hand and walks us down memory lane. As we look back over the years, we may reminisce about sweet memories of Christmas joys and times that were filled with safe, secure, and unconditional love. However unfortunately, I think most have experienced either a mixture of joys and sorrows, perhaps even a life story that is infiltrated with pain and loneliness. Rather than feeling connected, we’ve felt disconnected; rather than seen and cherished, we’ve felt invisible; rather than included, we were excluded; rather than remembered, we may have been often forgotten and rather than being hopeful in a season that is decorated with hope all around us , we have felt hopeless. Maybe these things are even true for us right this moment.

Perhaps it is the music, the lights, the stories, the gifts, the decorations, the beauty – that makes our hearts yearn for love. And I believe that it is the love of God – Jesus – who takes our hand and takes us for a walk. As we walk, I think we begin to explore questions in our little girl hearts (and not so little girl hearts – I know it does in mine) that we have either not been willing to ask or courageous enough to ask, like: Am I beautiful? Am I worth a gift? Am I special enough? Am I worth being pursued? Am I worth fighting for?

We wonder, “Do dreams really come true?” We so desperately want to have hopes and dreams and the assurance of love, and yet, time and time again throughout our lives these desires have been dashed.

Well, I have good news of great joy!

There is a rescuing, powerful, gentle relentlessly pursuing love our hearts beat for and His name is Jesus. We’ve been rescued by love – we just miss it. Somehow, the very thing that opens our hearts at Christmas time (the beauty and festivities around us) also numbs our ability to remember. And we forget –

The Greatest Love Story Ever (not just told) but Lived.

It is an adventure story of a young Hero – the Prince of Peace – who comes from a far off land to rescue His lost treasure (that’s you and that’s me!) And Jesus, being the Prince of Peace that He is brings peace that makes you whole. It makes you complete. It is beyond understanding, and yet, even in a world full of chaos and strife and pain (whether in your home, in your heart or far away) it is a real peace. A tangible peace. A deep Peace. A forever Peace.

He left one castle – an incredibly beautiful, perfect place to rescue the one He loves. He came from a beautiful city, with walls of topaz, jasper and sapphire, streets paved with gold and gates of pearl. He came from a place where there was – is – no darkness. Just light – and lots of it! He left the light and entered in to the darkness on a night when no one was looking, other than Mary, Joseph and a band of smelly animals.

And Jesus came, willingly, humbly. He came and he lived, died, and lived again. He sacrificed it all for you and for me, because He loves us.

Dear reader, we often miss the tender, intimate, personal message that God has for us at Christmas. He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to rescue you and to rescue me! It was not just a general rescue mission, but a personal one. He knows your hurts – whether they happened to you or whether you have caused them yourself. j

He has chosen you. You are the girl at the ball, who stands in the corner. He has come to make His way through the crowd to your heart and He says, "Come dance with Me.; come be with Me forever." Acknowledge His love and His power in your life this Christmas. Others may have failed you, but not Jesus. Take the hand of the Prince and dance with Him in the castle of your heart this Christmas, and all year through. Merry Christmas, dear one!