It's Just One of Those Days ...

It was a spelling word on my 4^th grader’s list last week.

It’s the word of the day for me.

Immeasurably

Let me be open and honest with you, I am immeasurably overwhelmed today.

My head is spinning, my mind is whirling, and even my legs feel like they’re twitching. I feel like this little sand crab (whose deep in the whole in the picture), digging and digging, throwing out sand frantically on to the shore, trying to get done what I need to get done.

I don't think I drank too much coffee, although do have some coursing through my veins.

Rather -- It’s just one of those days. 

I dropped the kids at school and rushed home to finish a writing project that I am working on, fine tune the study I am teaching on Wednesday morning and then off to wash dishes for hot lunch, followed by a 1:00 PM meeting, picking up the kids, dinner, another meeting at 6:00 PM … yada, yada. I won’t bore you with the details. I’m sure you have your own crazy day.

The problem is, It’s not just the things “to-do” that are overwhelming me, it’s the things “to-think-about”  that are bombarding my brain. Simply said – UGH.

And then I remembered what a friend told me lately, “God’s resources are immeasurable, Andrea.”

And so I went to the Lord with my immeasurable overwhelmedness (not a word, I know, but it seems to fit the feeling).

I called out to the Lord in the car – out loud.  Something about saying it and hearing it reverberate around the car that makes it seem more “real” to me. I don’t know.  It’s silly, I suppose, but it works for me.

Lord, I desire to love you and to serve you. I want to live for you, but I’m feeling very overwhelmed and in need of many things.

I need more grace, Lord.

I need more time, Lord. Could you multiply my time, please?

I need more patience.

I need more peace.

I need more wisdom.

I need more strength.

And on and on I went, calling out the One Who knows all that is going on and is willing and able to give me just what I need. He is the One “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20).

I’m not sure how the Lord is going to meet all my needs today, but I trust that He will, in His timing and in His way.

 I suppose for a start, He gave me time to write this and to remember Who He is. I’m encouraged.  I hope, in some way, it has encouraged you, too.

And My Word for the Year is ...

Courage.

The problem is, ironically, I’m scared about this being my word for the year that I believe the Lord chose for me.

And I’m not sure I’m crazy about it either. I keep asking if perhaps there is a different word that the Lord would rather give me. I keep trying to shake it and replace it with another one. Couldn’t it be “kindness” or “joy?”  But time and time again, through multiple circumstances, it seems as if this is the word He chose for me. 

Courage. 

More specifically – Holy Courage.

If I am honest with myself, I know I need it. I need Holy Courage.

I know I need it for the things I fear and for the things that seem way too big for me to handle.

Let’s take teaching, for example. I’ve been swimming laps back and forth through the book of Acts, researching, writing and asking (begging) the Spirit for wisdom and insight.  Stroke by stroke, breath by breath, at times I weary and worry as to how in the world I am going to pull this off for His name’s sake.

I can feel my insecurities and inadequacies wash over me as I swim these laps.  It does not feel as if I am swimming in a calm, well chlorinated pool, but rather on seas with waves that rise and fall. I’m nervous about not doing a good job. I’m nervous about not doing the thing that I desire to do – please the Lord. I’m nervous about – well, I’m even nervous about being nervous.

I need Holy Courage.

However, as I study, I’m learning that it’s what the early church had through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t something they mustered up on their own; they had it because it was given to them, and they took hold of it.

They had Holy Courage. 

I need Holy Courage.

I have Holy Courage.

I just need to grasp it and believe -- for all the things that are before me in this year, the things I do know and the things I don’t have any idea about … yet.

Jesus said, “Take Courage!  It is I! Don't be afraid!” (Matthew 14:27). He is ever-present; I do not need to fear. I’m working on it, Lord.  Help me to believe.

Do you have a word for the year? 

In the Grip of the Potter

Pressed in upon. Squeezed.  Overwhelmed. So much to do – so much to be.  I went over my mental checklist of things that I needed to do, from e-mails to lessons and housework to phone calls. My mind was spinning. Oh! So much, and then I felt the nudge of God.

“Look upward, dear child. It is Me. You are not squeezed in by your circumstances, by the needs of the day or your concerns for tomorrow, what you are feeling is Me. I am holding you tightly. I am molding you and shaping you.”

Was it His grip I was feeling?  Or the grip of the world squeezing the life out of me?  Could it be Him?  Dare I believe?

I have a choice. I could choose to feel imprisoned by my long list of things to do and my fears and my worries or I could choose to believe that He is the one who is holding me tight.  The Potter is holding my heart and my life like clay, in His tender, gentle, loving grip. He takes me, and knowing what is best, embraces me, molds me, and shapes me. He knows where to push to make me in to the vessel for His use for this day, and for all the days to come.

He knows what is necessary for me today. He knows what I need for tomorrow. He knows the plans He has for me. He is the perfect Potter.

“Will it hurt?” I wonder.  “Please don’t push too hard. Please don’t stretch me too thin. But please don’t let me go,” I call out to Him. I am guarded. I am scared.

I brace myself, and stiffen up, fearful that it is going to hurt.  I just want to be comforted.  I fear pain in the process, but I know that if I am to be for the display of His splendor, that I must also be willing to trust His hand, for there is  where growth and beauty will be found.

Oh, Lord. I don’t know what today holds, or tomorrow, but You do.  You hold me, You mold me. You shape me, You make me. I am clay in Your hands that You have chosen for Your purposes  I am choosing to trust my life in this day to Your firm, gentle, loving touch, and although it feels as if I am spinning round and round, I know that I am in Your grip, turning on the wheel that is powered by Your love, in order to make me who You desire for me to be. And I am loved.

From Whirl Wind to Windblown -- It is Good

Windblown – that’s the only word I can use to describe how I feel coming back from the She Speaks conference. It was a beautiful time of being with other women who love the Lord, worshipping Him, spending time with my dear friend whom I traveled with and learning through sessions on speaking, teaching by the Book, writing, marketing and much more. In addition, I felt the tender touch of God speaking to my heart the words that He had just for me – words I was not expecting, but am embracing. He showed up in the most unpredictable ways. It was a whirl wind, and although I feel windblown – I know that it is good.

From experience I also know that I’m a slow learner and it takes time for me to process all that God is showing me. That’s one of the great things about God – He doesn’t expect us to get it right away. He gives us time – He uses that time.

For now, I can feel the Lord impressing one major truth on my heart, as I step away from the intensity of the conference and back in to the chaos of life. God is in control – all the time – in the monumental and in the slight and momentary. He is the Author of my giftings, and the manager of how they will be used – that’s for you, too, sweet friend.

In my words, “He is my pen, my agent, and my publisher, and my marketing director.” I’m so relieved about that, otherwise, my tendency is to fret about what to do next, and then worry that I am not doing enough. I am reminded of the importance of trusting God for the every next step, and intentionally spending more time with Him, in His Word, in His presence, in His peace, and in prayer. There really is no good excuse. I am more convicted than ever.

It’s funny though, or not so funny, but just about the time that I think, “Ok, I’m just going to hang out with God, continue to write and see what He has,” the next thought that pops in to my mind is, “Maybe I should just quit.” Ridiculous, really. I know that there is someone out there – need I mention his pathetic name? s _ t _ n – who would like that. He would like me to mute my voice and give up, which would really be giving up on God. I’m not up for cooperating with the scoundrel. I’m choosing to trust God’s plan for my life, and His unfolding of it. God is going to do what He is going to do. What a relief.

I’m feeling dolefully inadequate in expressing myself today – and part of me is just wondering, maybe the windblown I am feeling is not only one of being overwhelmed, but one of being moved by the wind-like Spirit of God – that kind of Windblown. I am struck by the bigness of God and what He is doing in and through me, and even more so, I am moved by His tender, gracious love for me. Why He’d even bother – I sometimes am not sure – but He does. Again, what a relief.

Stepping Out in Faith -- Heading to "She Speaks"

Early this morning I sat by my computer, going over some last minute changes on my talks for the critique group I am participating in at the She Speaks conference I am attending this weekend. I’ll be joining 600 other women with a mutual focus on the Lord and what He has called us to do through ministry, writing and/or speaking; I’m nervous and excited.

One hundred things were teaming through my head – schedules for the 5 children, travel arrangements, last minute packing details, the weather, my hair, my shoes, what kind of bird was chirping outside of my window and thoughts like, ‘What was a I thinking when I registered for this?” and “I hope that I do not exceed the 50 pound weight limit on my suitcase.”

Just at the point of nearly being overwhelmed, my nine year old daughter appeared next to me. Wiping sleep from her eyes, wrapped in a pale pink blanket, adorned with hearts, she whispered to me, “Mom, let’s take a few minutes to pray. I’m really going to miss you.”

And so that’s what we did. We went in to the next room, where she curled up in my lap and we prayed. I prayed first for my family, for the details, for their hearts and for my trip. Then, she prayed for me. Her sweet little voice spoke words of encouragement and love, asking the Lord to protect me, help me with my talks and give me a wonderful time.

Just what I needed, at just the right time – prayer.

A few months ago, a friend gave me this quote:

“What really matters when God calls you to do something is not whether you feel inadequate. Of course you will; you are inadequate. So am I. That’s why God promises to go with us. What matters is your decision. Only people who say “yes” to challenge, demand and risk are ever fully alive.” -- John Ortberg.

Although I still have a fleeting thought of, “What was I thinking?”, I am stepping out in faith, trusting that the Lord opened up this opportunity for me to learn more and to grow, and that He has already gone before me and will be with me (Deuteronomy 31:8).

If you are led to pray for me, thank you. I will be gone through the weekend. Please pray for my family, as well.

Stormy Seas

As far as storms go, it is a small one in comparison to others that I recently (and not so recently weathered). I know it won’t last long, but I can still feel the wind whirling around me. Like the disciples who set out on a still Sea of Galilee, I stepped in to my day, but before long, I was engulfed with a thousand things to do and a mindset that was not feeling confident nor at peace. My heart is feeling fragile, and my list of things to do is a mile long. How am I going to get it all done? Why does my list have to be so long? I wish I could just quiet my mind and my heart and get through this all!

Bailing. Frantically bailing. Fearing. That’s what I am doing this morning. Bucket full by bucket full I try to toss out the excess “stuff,” -- outside stuff and inside stuff -- and as soon as I toss some out, more comes in. I am weary. Tossed about . Worn out. Having a hard time organizing and seeing what to do next.

Perhaps it is because I am studying the story about when Jesus calms the storm in Mark that the visual imagery is my grid of thinking this week. I can relate to the big storms of life blowing in without notice, and of late, I could probably write a book about it (maybe I will). Big storms. Little storms. Long lasting storms. Short-acting storms. Life is full of them. I am just not a huge fan of storms.

Rocking and reeling and overwhelmed, we find ourselves, like the disciples, out of control. We try to bail ourselves out. We try to find a solid footing. We try to manage the boat – our boat, and meanwhile we are heaving and hoeing and getting sick to our stomachs. We feel swamped.

In the story, the disciples panic (ever do that?). Jesus is sleeping on a cushion in the stern of the boat and they wake Him, saying, “Don’t you care if I drown?”

Ugh. If I had a dollar for every time I have caught those words slithering out of my mouth. It’s humbling. We doubt God’s tender care. We forget that He is present and what He has promised us. We doubt and we fear and we panic.

Did Jesus know that the storm was going to kick-up? Of course He did. This was another opportunity for the disciples to learn about Who He was and to trust Him. Jesus goes on to calm this storm and reveals His power to them -- and to us.

Jesus may or may not calm our storms – but He is the calm in the storm, and I know that to be true. I need to remember that which I have learned from Him and about Him. Yes, I am feeling engulfed, overwhelmed, wiped out, washed over - even fearing, but I know that Jesus is present in my boat, and so instead of panicking, I’m going to reach out and grab hold of Him. Instead of frantically trying to bail, I am going to seek Him first and trust that He will help me manage the mini-storm that He has allowed in to my life, today. The one He has allowed to teach me and to strengthen me. He knows where I am at and how I am feeling, and dear reader, He knows all about you today, too. Trust Him in the storm.