Windblown – that’s the only word I can use to describe how I feel coming back from the She Speaks conference. It was a beautiful time of being with other women who love the Lord, worshipping Him, spending time with my dear friend whom I traveled with and learning through sessions on speaking, teaching by the Book, writing, marketing and much more. In addition, I felt the tender touch of God speaking to my heart the words that He had just for me – words I was not expecting, but am embracing. He showed up in the most unpredictable ways. It was a whirl wind, and although I feel windblown – I know that it is good.
From experience I also know that I’m a slow learner and it takes time for me to process all that God is showing me. That’s one of the great things about God – He doesn’t expect us to get it right away. He gives us time – He uses that time.
For now, I can feel the Lord impressing one major truth on my heart, as I step away from the intensity of the conference and back in to the chaos of life. God is in control – all the time – in the monumental and in the slight and momentary. He is the Author of my giftings, and the manager of how they will be used – that’s for you, too, sweet friend.
In my words, “He is my pen, my agent, and my publisher, and my marketing director.” I’m so relieved about that, otherwise, my tendency is to fret about what to do next, and then worry that I am not doing enough. I am reminded of the importance of trusting God for the every next step, and intentionally spending more time with Him, in His Word, in His presence, in His peace, and in prayer. There really is no good excuse. I am more convicted than ever.
It’s funny though, or not so funny, but just about the time that I think, “Ok, I’m just going to hang out with God, continue to write and see what He has,” the next thought that pops in to my mind is, “Maybe I should just quit.” Ridiculous, really. I know that there is someone out there – need I mention his pathetic name? s _ t _ n – who would like that. He would like me to mute my voice and give up, which would really be giving up on God. I’m not up for cooperating with the scoundrel. I’m choosing to trust God’s plan for my life, and His unfolding of it. God is going to do what He is going to do. What a relief.
I’m feeling dolefully inadequate in expressing myself today – and part of me is just wondering, maybe the windblown I am feeling is not only one of being overwhelmed, but one of being moved by the wind-like Spirit of God – that kind of Windblown. I am struck by the bigness of God and what He is doing in and through me, and even more so, I am moved by His tender, gracious love for me. Why He’d even bother – I sometimes am not sure – but He does. Again, what a relief.