Memories Flash as Tulips Droop White

Tulips droop white.

Yesterday, my friend gives them to me. She reaches out remembrance. She has not forgotten that they are my favorite.

I place them on my kitchen windowsill.

Gentle snowflakes fall outside. Tears fall down my face.

Memories flash.

Eighteen years past.  A hospital room with tulips white on a sill. Alone I rest upon the bed, waiting for what is next – the arrival of my first born.  He is coming early. I am scared. 

Today, I pull a picture from the past, off the shelf. 

Today, is his birthday.

I feel my heart full, swollen.  I remember him inside.  Safe.  Secure.  Near to my heart, nestled under my rib cage warm and then he was born. Out of me, but not far from me.

Under duress, he entered the world.  My heart yearned then.  It yearns now.

“It’s okay, Andrea, cry.” I feel His Spirit speak to me.

“Why did it have to be this way, Lord?” I whisper back.

The Lord knows, it is not only the early birth, it is my son’s special needs that I think hard upon.

I ask for reassurance that all will be well.

My heart droops down, too.

I am overwhelmed with what is next for my dear son. 

I cannot speak; words within fall short, too.  God knows.  He does not need my words.

And then a Voice of Hope heralds itself in to my heart: nothing slips through the hand of God.  Do not be afraid.

Nothing.  I don’t understand. I wish it were different, but my different is not what God deemed.

And so I go back to what I know is true – God is sovereign and God is good.

I lie down limp, on the pillow of these truths.

As I rest, I thank God for my boy, now becoming a man.  I am proud of him.

Thankfulness helps me see.  The Lord helps me believe.

Keeping Courage Close

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the LORD.  (NASB  31:24).

The thermometer read 22 degrees Fahrenheit, outside -- a chilly morning, indeed, for a run.

I bundled up from head to toe and decided to take the dog.  Maybe the distraction would help me to get through the run. I was only going to go a short 3 miles, so he could handle it.

Of course, he handled it well, and I fought him the whole way.

He’s not used to running with me.

We need to work on this, I thought, as he continually tried to pull on me, stretching my left arm out like Elasta-girl.

“Courage! (that’s his name) Stay!” I said with my firm mother voice.

And, over and over again, I said it -- “Courage!  Stay!”

I thought back to several years ago when I was working on teaching the dog to heel – a time when I was in need of major healing. I even wrote a post about it (click here).  Apparently, he and I had not made much progress.

This time, though, instead of thinking of healing, I was thinking of courage.

It’s true, isn’t it?  We are in a constant need of keeping courage close.

The analogy of the dog and my run with him falls apart here. 

Truth is, unlike the dog, courage doesn’t keep trying to get away from me.  I keep on wandering from it.

I need to keep courage close. 

I need it for the mundane and for the massive moments of life.

I need it to slow down.

I need it to get up and move.

I need it to teach, to mother, to be a wise wife, to be a compassionate friend, and to look for the opportunities that God brings a cross my path for today.

I need it to wait.

I need it to fight.

I need it to let go.

I need it to hold on.

I need it to believe that His promises are true.

I need it to be sure that what He has planned for me is good.

God gives us courage and He gives us strength to grab hold of it. When we walk with Him, He is faithful to give it. We can be fearless with Him. 

I need courage and I need to keep it close.

One more thing … this is what I noticed about this perky hound.  On the way home, when we got close to our neighborhood,  he picked up the pace, and pulled me right along with him.  It’s like he knew that we were almost there, and he was going to sprint to the finish.

And I wondered, “As we near Home, will we need more courage? Will God give us more courage to help to pull us on?”

I suspect that we will need more and  I’m asking the Lord to please assure me that He will give it, and that it will help to bring me Home.

A Fear of Being Forgotten

Trips to the dentist. Phone calls. A special request from the children for a treat at the store. A promise to play a game. My purse. Paying a bill. A submission for the community calendar I write for. Scheduling appointments (Which reminds me … I need to call the orthopedist for one of my children). And on and on it goes. I have been awfully forgetful lately.

It’s really bugging me. I hate the pit in my stomach when I realize that I forgot to do or get something. It’s been happening way more frequently than I would like. Is it too much on my plate? Too much on my mind? Or -- shhhh! -- peri-menopause? I’m not sure of the cause, but what I realized today is that what is really bothering me about it is that at a deeper level it is tapping in to my fear of being forgotten.

I have no idea where I developed this fear. Something deep down inside of me fears being left out, left behind, of low priority – low enough to be forgotten – like a pack of snacks at the grocery store.

Do you fear being forgotten?

Truth is, we are all forgotten from time to time. People will fail us. We fail people. However, we can be confident that God will never forget us. He never leaves us. He is never too busy or pre-occupied. He is always present, at our side. What a relief.

I am so thankful for His faithfulness. Believing it is something that I am working on. In Joshua 1:5, God reminds Joshua, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” That’s for us, too, and one thing I am determined to never forget.

A Redemptive Story of Shame (Part 2)

The small statue arrived in a card board box, surrounded by a soft coating of bubble-wrap and protected by layers of Styrofoam popcorn. She is special - a treasured possession. The figure is bronze in coloring and in the shape of a woman, curled up in a ball, arms wrapped tightly around her knee with her head cast down.

The feel of a card board box was familiar to her. The last time she was surrounded by cardboard, she was tossed in to a box with other rejected items, thrown together and delivered to a place that she did not know – a garage sale. She was unwanted, discarded and of no use to the previous owner. It appeared that she had no value other than what could be gleaned from the sale.

This time she arrived in a box marked “FRAGILE: Handle with Care,” for not only is she fragile and special, she is being used for a purpose.

Months ago, my friend and I spotted her on a table at the garage sale. Upon seeing her we sighed, “shame” and bought her immediately. We saw value in her -- we saw ourselves in her. She depicted shame, sorrow, pain and loneliness – a part of us that we learned (and were learning) to realize, embrace, and grow from. She is the “shape of shame” with a redemptive story. (For more about "shame," see "The Shape of Shame").

My friend placed the statue in her counseling office. One day, a client came to visit. The client noticed the statue and asked, “Where did you find that?” My friend explained the story of the statue -- the shape of shame -- and the client (a decorator) realized that she had discarded a treasure. At one time, she decorated the home of a family and they decided that the statue did not fit the “new” decor. It was – she was – discarded. This time when the client saw the statue, it had a new value to her as she began to realize her own story of shame and a desire grew in her to look at her own shame and be changed.

I sent for the statue one day. That is when she arrived in the box marked “FRAGILE.” I used it when speaking to hurting women, reminding them of the loving-kindness of Jesus, Who is the lifter of their heads – not the deliverer of shame. She sits on my desk, right now, as a reminder to me of the same truth.

Dear reader, perhaps you feel discarded today. Maybe your story is one of being cast out, not wanted rejected. It is a very lonely and vulnerable place to be, but take heart God is at work. You are special and He has a purpose. He does redemptive work in the lives of the ones He loves, and who love Him. He takes that which is painful and He brings life from it. We may struggle and wonder, “Could it be true?” Sometimes it is scary as we do not know what the result will look like. However, God is faithful and He desires to take those painful places in our lives, heal them and bring purpose out of them.

The statue, even though just a statue, is a reminder to me that God can and will take the lives of those who feel discarded, hurt and lonely, and deliver them, when they surrender their lives to His will and trust Him for all aspects of their lives. This statue is made by human hands, but we are formed by the Hands of God, and in continuing to hold us, He brings about change and beauty. We may not know exactly what it will look like, but we can trust that He is faithful.

Soon, I will place the little statue carefully into the cardboard box and send her back to my friend, but for now I am enjoying her presence as a reminder of the One Who delivers, redeems and loves unfailingly (Psalm 44:2).

A Sweet and Tender Way

“Ohhhh,” I sighed quietly, yet heavily, as I paged through my calendar on Monday, noting the date – January 18. “Now, that’s why I feel so out of sorts this morning.”

January 18 is an important day to me, although very few people know of it. Sixteen years ago this week, pregnant with my first child, I was working as a Physician Assistant for a busy transplant unit. I loved my job and I was very excited about my baby. In my 6^th month of pregnancy, everything was going well. It is funny (not in a “ha-ha” sort of way) how one day can sometimes change your life forever.

That day my water broke prematurely and I spent the following 8 days flat on my back in a hospital bed, unable to get up. It was a difficult time; the doctors hoped that I would make it 3 weeks, but my dear first born did not make it that long. He arrived on January 26 after a difficult labor, sick and compromised. He spent 10 days in the ICU and came home after 3 weeks. Eight months later he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

I often wonder if January 18 would be as significant of a date for me if my son did not have a long lasting result of his early birth. I remember struggling early on with the reality of this and wise, older friends of ours responded, “This, too, did not slip through the hand of God. It is not a mistake. God has special plans.” I do believe it is true. It is hard for me to watch my son struggle, now in his teen years, but I am also very proud of him. He is overcoming much and is confident in His relationship with the Lord. It is beautiful, but difficult.

So, this Monday, January 18^th, as I was doing laundry, washing dishes and writing my study for this week, I found myself in familiar territory -- grieving a loss.

I kept thinking to myself, “Who can I call? I really want to talk to someone.” And as I went down the list of people in my mind, no one seemed quite right for this particular situation. “I would really like to talk to a friend who was there,” I said to the Lord, “but I’ll settle for You.” (Not really meaning that I was settling, at all. I did intend to be respectful, despite the way that it came out).

And then the phone rang. I couldn’t get to it, but soon heard a familiar voice, from my distant past, on the answering machine, “Hi Andrea! It’s Kris! I’ve been thinking so much about you and have missed you. Call me!”

I called her back, promptly. You see, Kris was my friend from college that was with me that day, sixteen years ago. I have not talked with her for 2 years. Truthfully, she did not remember that the 18^th was important to me, she just felt the urge to call me – and she did.

God really is remarkable, isn’t He? Kris didn’t know but God did and I believe He put the thought in her mind to call me. It was a gift for me that day. I am reminded that God cares for us in such sweet and tender ways. I felt loved by Him that day – and today. I was filled with sorrow, and He came in and brought me comfort through a far away friend who felt His nudge and called. It was just what I needed, when I needed it and my faith is strengthened, because of His love.

Scrapbooking Our Storms?

I am half chuckling to myself at the visual and half pondering the reality of the question, “What if we scrapbooked our storms?”

The thought came to me yesterday, right before I was to speak at our women’s bible study on Mark 4:35-41 -- Jesus Calms the Storm. Now, I’m not a “scrapper” (are you smiling, Anne?), but there is a part of me that wishes that I was. I feel bad for my children. They are going to grow up huddled around a computer screen, viewing the pictures of their youth because I have not created volumes of sentimental scrapbooks, let alone printed out photographs. Maybe someday ….

Anyway, as I concluded the study today I posed the question to the dear women, “What if we actually scrapbooked our storms?” What if instead of only scrapbooking happy times – special occasions, birthdays, vacations – we scrapbooked the times when we found ourselves swamped by our sorrows, our sufferings and our pains?

Oh, I can only imagine what the papers would look like – clouds, rain drops, whirls of wind, mud puddles, avalanches, all in deep, muted shades. Maybe the additional decorations (there must be a term for them J) would be shreds of paper, ripped and torn, demonstrating chaos. I suspect it would be hard to have actual photographs; how does one capture pain, loneliness, sadness, depression, betrayal, and more, in a picture? And certainly most of us would not want to be photographed in the wind blown, weathered, wet with tears condition that we find ourselves in. However, perhaps rather, we could record all that God has taught us about Himself on this journey with Him.

And why don’t we? Are we afraid to show ourselves in our hard times? Does it make us feel too vulnerable? Insecure? Scared of what others may think of us if we sat down with them and paged through our pain?

The longer I live and the more storms I weather with Jesus in my boat, the more I know we need each other, too. We need to spend time with our neighbors, our friends, our families, and share with them the lessons that we learn from God about God, in order to help encourage and strengthen them in their journey with Him. And we need to record them for ourselves. As new storms blow in, we need to be able to look back and remember what God has done and Who He is to us, personally.

Maybe I’ll start a whole new crafting craze! I doubt it, but I would encourage you to at least record what God is teaching you. In the days, months, years to come I believe He will use it for you and for others as a reminder that He is faithful and to spur you on to continue to hold on to the hope that you have in Jesus (Hebrews 10:23).

A Special Gift

I sat at my dining room table, working on my computer. My youngest daughter skipped around the corner with a pink gift bag in her hand.

“Surprise, Mom! I have a late Christmas present for you!”

I began to open it up, only to find 2 more bags with tissue paper stuffed in them, inside the outer bag.

“I wrapped it in lots of packages, Mom. It’s a special gift I made for you.”

I finally found the little gift. A small shape made of little plastic balls stuck together in the shape of – well, she had to tell me – baby Jesus in the manger.

Her face was glowing. She was quite pleased with her gift. So was I.

A small handmade gift, of great value, was wrapped in layers and layers of wrapping.

That’s been my experience with God this year. As I look over the past year of heartache and sorrow, I realize that many times the gifts He has given me are not laying out in plain view. They have been covered up, and covered up, and covered up. They have been wrapped in all sorts of wrappings, and unlike the ones that my daughter presented to me, they have not always been very pretty or fancy.

But God is faithful to give good gifts. Helpful gifts. Lovely gifts. Valuable gifts.

Sometimes, dear reader, they are tucked deep down inside and they are not revealed on first look. Keep looking, though. Just like my daughters gift, I had to keep on unwrapping and unwrapping what she had wrapped around the gift. The end result was a treasure that she made, just for me.

God has surprises for you, as well. He has treasures of truth and gifts of love that He has hand wrapped in His perfect timing and His perfect way. Trust Him and wait patiently to see what He is giving you and believe that He, as you seek to know Him and love Him, will present to you special gifts that He has made just for you.

My prayer for you as we enter the New Year is that no matter what the wrappings may look like or how many there may be, that you will see and believe that God has good gifts for you.

No Refund Desired

This afternoon I sat by my fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, pen and notebook nearby, paging through my bible that has outwardly aged significantly over the last year, as I have; we (my bible, the Lord and I) have been close companions. I was thinking of this place of pain that I have journeyed through, and then I felt the tender touch of God remind me that it is a place of praise.

One year ago today I felt as if I was helicopter lifted in to a remote and foreign territory (much like “Survivor Man”), flat on my back, injured and bruised. There did not seem to be a road, or even a hacked down path, just desolation everywhere. The terrain was rugged. It felt like I hit rock bottom, but I couldn’t be sure. Sharp mountain peaks where in view, everywhere I turned. The temperature changes were extreme. The weather was unpredictable, often windy and rainy, at times contrasted by scorching heat. I landed in the wilderness and I did not know where to go, or what to do. I knew that I could not survive on my own or find my way out. I would need to trust the Hand of the only One who knew the way and knew me.

It’s been an adventure trip; still is. I have whitewater rafted down uncertain, frothy, turbulent waters and crawled through dark, twisting, mysterious caves. I have climbed steep cliffs, with rocky outcroppings that have blocked my vision. It has required heroic levels of faith, but I have learned that only in the strength of the greatest Hero of all time, is it possible to climb at all. I have experienced the fog of fear, often thick and damp, evaporate by the warmth of the Son, only to return in the darkness of the cool night; it then dissipates again with the morning Son. I have traversed tall mountains (not with a single bound) and have seen the glory of the Lord, only to return down the mountainside on my journey, with only a memory of His face. At times, the road has been narrow where I walked heal to toe, one foot in front of the other, and learned what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. I have slipped, fallen and been lifted back up again. I have chosen some wrong ways, but have been reminded of the True way, and then gently led back on course. The Word of God – God Himself – has been my compass and my daily sustenance and nourishment. It is the light that shows me the path. I have not been hungry or thirsty, and whenever I grew weary, He strengthened me as I waited upon Him. He has been my Shelter from every storm, and a place of rest for my soul.

I have not reached my destination yet, but I am learning a lot on this journey. I am not the woman that I was when I landed in the middle of nowhere – which was really somewhere to God. I am stronger and wiser because of this -- because of Him. My burdens feel lighter, as I have learned to place them on the strong and capable shoulders of my Savior. They are still real, but I am learning how to deal with them, differently. I love deeper, better, because I have known His deep, deep love.

I did not sign up for this trip, although, it feels like I have paid for it. At times, I wish it was not my journey, and yet, I do not want a refund. The Lord has revealed to me a lot about myself, but even more about Himself, and that makes the trip worth it. I do not know what He has planned down the path. My eyes remain focused on Him. I do praise Him for all He has done in my life and in the life of my family. He has been faithful, and I am fully confident, will remain so, to guide me and love me along the way. Unfailingly.

God's Rescuing, Delivering Love

I woke up this morning with the chains of sorrowful memories tightening around my heart and I felt claustrophobic within the tight place of disgust, disappointment and maybe even, despair.

Anniversaries can be sweet times of remembrance of joyful occasions, but they can also be grief filled times when they mark hard, heart breaking events.

All I could think of this morning was, “I need some time with the Lord, desperately.” I knew that I needed time with Him to remember Who He was, which of course is Who He is, and remember what He has done for me and in me. I needed to be realigned, refocused, and held by Him. And so, this is what I have been doing, reading over my bible, noting the truths in His Word and noting the words that I sketched in the margins of my bible, marking the moments in time when He spoke to me, over the years.

My encouragement to you today is that God is faithful – always faithful. Others will fail you, but God will not. Psalm 37:39-40 says, “The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; He is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them.”

God is our Stronghold – a strongly fortified defensive structure. He is our Helper and our Deliverer. We do not need to feel bound by the chains of past heart ache, for He can and will deliverer us from all that hinders and holds us back from having a full life in Him. He has set an impenetrable fortress around our heart and it is called Love.

So, dear reader, when you feel the tightening grip of difficult memories, run to the One who can free you again and again. In the powerful and all-loving name of Jesus, call out to the Lord, and ask Him to set your heart free. Replace the visual of the claustrophobic chains with the visual of the truth of the Arms of your Rescuing Deliverer. He safely, securely wraps His love around your heart, protecting you, cherishing you, repairing you and redeeming you, for He loves you with an unfailing love.

Safe and Sound

I looked out the window of the restaurant near the top of the John Hancock building in Chicago. I just completed lunch with my daughter and her friend, and we were making plans to head home. I peered out over the landscape and contemplated taking an alternative route. It surely appeared that the road heading north along the shore would bring me right where I wanted to go. We descended from our perch on high, loaded the car, and drove off along the route that I was certain would be best.

It really didn’t take all that long for me to realize that I was wrong. I thought it looked as if I could go north for quite awhile, but found myself with no other option than to go west. Before I knew it, I was weaving my way through all sorts of neighborhoods in the northern parts of Chicago, traveling west, north, south and east, again and again. I kept a close eye on the store fronts and intersections, hoping that I was not crossing in to more tenuous territory, but I was getting concerned. I was lost and had no idea where I was or even how to get back to where I had been. I did not have a map. Looking at the digital compass in my car was not helping. I did not have a GPS to plug in my destination point. I was in trouble, and I was feeling foolish.

Then I remembered -- OnStar. I had Onstar in the vehicle! Other than using it to unlock my doors when I had locked my keys in the car a half dozen or more times, I had never used it; I was desperate to try.


And, sure enough, it worked. I pushed the button and within seconds a friendly voice greeted me using my full name and introducing herself. “How can I help you today, Andrea?” I could feel my blood pressure lower just at the sound of her voice and the knowledge that she even knew my name!

I explained to her that I was lost and went through the story. Before I could even finish, she gently interrupted with, “Oh, I see just where you are. You are on “such and such a street” and should be crossing over “such and such a street.” No problem, Andrea. I can get you to just where you want to go. Don’t worry. I’ll stick right here with you and guide you along the way.”

And she did. Each intersection along the way she indicated where I was. She would tell me when I was approaching a new street or landmark, how long until I would need to turn, which lane I should get in to, which way I was to turn, and exactly when I was to turn. She stayed present in the vehicle with me until I was safely on the highway that I needed to be on, that would lead me home.

“Is there anything else I can help you with today, Andrea?” she graciously asked. I was tempted to ask for a cup of tea to calm my nerves, but then I realized that she had already done that. Her knowing who I was, where I was, and how and where I needed to go in order to get back on track was a great comfort to me.

So many times I have thought of this story. It happened a year ago, but it comes back to my mind when I find myself not so much lost in the car, but just lost in what I am to do next. Sometimes I get off track, I think I know the best way to go, but I don’t, and I need some help. Sometimes, I am just plain old perplexed. The road signs are all boggled up, and I need direction. Sometimes, I am hurt, or scared, or sad, or overwhelmed or just confused.

Thankfully, the Lord is ready, able and present to help. Psalm 145:17-19 says, “The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; He hears their cry and saves them.”


Lost wondering what to do next, dear reader? Confused about a circumstance in your life? Feeling off track and in need of guidance? Wandering around and not seeing any familiar landmarks? Not sure where to go or how to respond to a difficult situation? Frustrated with yourself over wrong choices you may have made? In need of wisdom and direction? Call out to the Lord and listen to His voice. He is present. He knows your name. He knows where you are and He is faithful to direct you in the way you should go, safe and sound.

Pencil? Marker? Ball Point Pen?

The other day I grabbed a pencil and some note cards and went down to the lake to write down some things that were on my mind. The ideas began to flow, but as I put the pencil to the paper, I realized that the pencil was dull. It had a little bit of life left in it, but not much. Before long I was sketching out words partly in lead and partly in wood scratches.

And then an “out of the blue” thought popped in to my mind, “Right now, am I more of a pencil, a marker or a pen?”

Am I pencil, who needs sharpening when I wear down? Do I need to stop and be reminded and sharpened by the truth of God’s Word in order to be an instrument for His use? Am I dull and therefore not able to do the work that God has set out for me?

Or am I a marker that is drying out? Call it burn out or over-use syndrome , do I need to steal away to a protected place and become refreshed again? Do I need time for restoration and renewal?

Or am I ball point pen that has completely run out of ink and needs a new cartridge? Are there parts of my life that are no longer beneficial to myself or others? Are there parts that are not bringing glory to God? Are there “dead” parts within me that need to be replaced with life?

How about you, dear reader? Are you worn down and feeling like you are of little use to God? Turn to the Lord and ask Him to show you what you can do. Do you need to be sharpened and reminded of God’s truth, by His Word? Do you need to sequester away and be refreshed and revitalized? Or do you need ask God to remove the parts that are no longer of use, and replace them with new power and strength so that you are equipped to follow and serve Him?

For me, perhaps it is a bit of each. Burn out sets in when I am tired, not seeking God faithfully in His Word, guarding my time in prayer, or evaluating my life and asking God to remove those parts that are not godly or honoring to Him. Thankfully, God is faithful and always present to restore and make us useful for His service. We are His instruments of peace and grace. God chooses to use our lives to write the story of His love which He in turn will use to bring life to the world around us.

Seasons of Change

“What did you sell today, Mom” my middle daughter chirped as she hopped in the car, after school. Day one of the garage sale was over. The children worked hard at helping me and were excited about the profits that they would gain.

“Let’s see. We sold the punching bag, some movies, the dresser, vases with flowers, some clothes, the red scooter and the large jogging stroller.”

On mention of the last item, I glanced back in the rear view mirror, and noticed that small tears were running down her sweet face.

“What’s wrong, honey? What are you sad about?”

“It’s just that I’m going to miss that jogging stroller. I loved that stroller. It was always so fun to be in, and now it’s gone."

It’s been said that one thing we can count on to stay the same is – change. Cleaning out and getting rid of things in a garage sale reminded me of that. I reminisced about times things had been used, how time passes and how so much does change. Even my daughter, who recently rarely was a passenger in the jogging stroller, still felt the tension of change (although small)– letting go of something that somewhere deep inside, had meaning to her.

Change is all about us right now. September in the Midwest is a season of change. The trees start to turn from green to gold and orange. The wind becomes dry and the grass brown. The smell of paper, pencils and new school supplies fills the house. Seasons change. Clothing styles change. Our health changes. Our stage in life changes. Places change. People change.

Our life circumstances are constantly changing, in big and small ways. Sometimes the change happens quickly, other times slowly. Difficult diagnoses. Job losses and gains. Kids going off to school. Family members going off to war. We may change houses, cities, or countries. The dynamics of our families may change. We may suffer loss in the form of the death of a loved one or divorce. We may lose a dream.

Dear reader, we are faced with all sorts of uncertainties and sometimes, tragedies. We find ourselves needing to adjust to a “new normal” and overwhelmed with how we are going to do that. What is it going to look like? Whom do we turn to? How do we find solace and rest? What or whom can we depend on when change is all around us?

Our only hope can be in the One who never changes (Malachi 3:6). The Lord is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow - forever. Life is always changing and sometimes those changes can be difficult. However, let changes in your life be the cord that draws you to the One who never does change. Let the evidence of change around you be a reminder of God’s faithfulness. No matter what, in season and out of season, through all the storms and strife, big and little, He will never abandon you nor change. He is the Lord who is faithful, forever (Psalm 146:6).

... And Set Free

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free” (Psalm 118:1,5).

Yesterday morning I woke up and witnessed the miraculous emergence of the Monarch butterfly from the chrysalis that my daughter and I had “rescued” the previous day. We now celebrated its full life as it unfolded its wings, stretched and eventually flew free. It may have been just one butterfly that we saved to beautify the world, but it was a powerful reminder to me of God’s rescuing power and His desire to set us free, because of His great love for us.

At times, in our anguish we cry out to the Lord, and He reaches down and takes hold of us, and sets us free – free from our sin, from our anger, from discouragement, from fears, from selfishness, from frustrations, from captivity and more.

As the butterfly flew away, I was reminded of the many times when I have called out to the Lord, in need of His power in my own life. Dear reader, if you are struggling, call out to Him and He will answer you. He will set you free to bring the beauty of His love to the world around you, a hurting world that needs to know the love of Jesus, in a way that only you can share. Soar and bring glory to Him, by sharing your story of His freeing love. And as you go, do not forget to give thanks to the Lord, for He truly is good, and His love for you endures forever.

Rescued ...

Unexpectedly, we found the chrysalis that was attached to a thin branch of milkweed (usually they attach to the grate at the top of the container) laying on the bottom of our butterfly habitat. Clinging to the remnant of the branch that stuck out of the cup was a big, fat Monarch caterpillar. It had eaten the branch, resulting in the downward demise of this chrysalis that was in the process of changing and preparing to emerge as a butterfly.

Every summer for the past 10 years, the children and I search for Monarch caterpillars and raise them until they are butterflies, tending to their insatiable need for milkweed by providing a fresh supply every day. It is a beautiful process from baby caterpillar (sometimes even from egg) to mature butterfly. Once the butterfly emerges, we set it free and enjoy its beauty.

But what was to become of this budding butterfly? It's tender chrysalis lay helpless and detached on the floor of the habitat. My oldest daughter and I decided we would swoop in for the rescue. She gently removed the chrysalis, holding on to the thin branch, and I tied on a piece of sewing thread, securing it to the top of the cage. There it has hung, waiting to have life. Today we can see the orange and black wings beginning to appear inside. It looks as if the rescue attempt has been successful.

Sometimes when we are in the process of changing and emerging on our journey with the Lord, something happens that throws us off. Either from fears within or difficult circumstances from without, we find ourselves falling to the ground. We can believe lies that we learned along the bumpy road of life or we are affected by outside situations that hurt our hearts. These are "enemies" that besiege us and challenge us as we seek the Lord and desire to be more like Him.

Like the Psalmist we may cry out "Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you" (Psalm 143:9). For whatever reasons, and I am sure, dear reader there are many, we may feel that we are in need of rescuing. We know that we cannot do it on our own, at all. We cannot even pick ourselves up and go on, just like this little chrysalis. To me, God's rescuing power is mysterious. Sometimes I doubt it, and certainly sometimes, I do not even see it. I think that God is far off and rather, He is near. I think that He has chosen not to answer me or ignore my cries, but then I learn later that He has indeed rescued me from something that I would have never imagined.

The big old caterpillar came and ate the branch in which the chrysalis clung, and the chrysalis lost its place and security. Sometimes that happens to us as well. We are in the midst of being transformed and growing, and we are cut off by something unexpected. Call out to the Lord and seek His way. He is faithful to reach down, grab hold of you and secure you to a place where you will continue to grow, being transformed in to the beautiful being that He intends for you to be.

Time and Truth

My ten year old son held out his hand. A trace of blood mixed with lake water ran down the side of his palm.

“Mom, I scratched my hand on a stick, under water and it really hurts.”

I applied pressure with my thumb, and we stood in the sun with the water lapping at our knees. Within minutes, I released my thumb and the bleeding had stopped.

“Should I put a band-aid on it? Maybe it would help to keep it from bleeding” he asked.

“Sure, I think you could do that. Band-aids help protect the surface" I answered.

“But they don’t really help with the healing, do they Mom? Only God can make a wound heal.”

I've replayed this picture over and over again in my mind over the past day. His sweet, dear face looking up at me, offering me his hand, trusting me, and perhaps most of all, his speaking profound words of truth. “Only God can make a wound heal.”

Psalm 147:3 says “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Healing a broken heart, a wounded soul, a crushed spirit, how does God do such intricate work? I am certain that I will never totally understand the mystery behind the healing touch of God, but I am also as certain that it is possible. There are no formulas, quick fixes or self-help tactics, of course. Each one of our circumstances is different and only God holds the special balm for each wound, and He is the only One who can apply it.

I do believe, however, that God uses time and truth as part of His healing remedy. He combines the amount of time that He knows is needed with His truths. God uses His truth to expose the truth in our own hearts, whether it be our own sin or the value of our worth, as well as the truth of our circumstances. He is faithful to show us truth if we seek Him, and then it is our choice to believe the truth.

Oh, how I wish that a simple solution, like a band-aid would work, but it does not. It may protect some, and God does certainly use things in our lives to provide comfort and protection. But healing? Only He has control over time and truth. Only He knows the right amount of both, and only He can dispense it. Dear reader, reach out and hand God your heart today and trust Him to heal it. He is faithful.

Afraid of the Dark?

Today was "D-Day" for my 10 year old son and me -- "Drop off at camp for the first time - Day. We both woke up early this morning. I intended to spend my time with the Lord on the screen porch. He was just excited/nervous, and couldn't sleep. I guess I was, too.

We sat down, together, and gazed outside. Other than the sounds of morning birds, silence occupied our space. I could tell he was thinking. I was just watching him, waiting to hear about what was on his mind.

"Mom, isn't there a verse about darkness not really being dark to God. Something about darkness being like light to Him?" he asked.

"Are you concerned about night time at camp?" I queried, as I picked up my bible and hunted through the concordance.

We looked through several verses, and He chose Psalm 139:12 which says"...even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You." We talked about how God created light, and how out of the darkness that covered the earth God brought everything in to being; He had power over all darkness. The dark is nothing to Him. God sees everything, and nothing can be hid from Him. Even in the dark, in a cabin at a camp, there was nothing that God isn't taking care of, and He is right there.

Dear reader, I don't know about you but I may not as afraid of the dark at night anymore, but I can fear the darkness of my circumstances. It feels as if I can get lost in it. I can't always see very far in front of me. Like a little child who does not know what is around the corner in the dark, I can fear things. The dark can make me feel alone and isolated. It can be scary, full of uncertainties.

When I am walking through a time of darkness, I am reassured that God sees all and that He is working amidst it. Psalm 18:28 says that He turns our darkness in to light. I do not need to feel alone. He is always near, even when others can not be. He is using this time of darkness to teach me things that I need to know about Him and about myself, thus transforming my darkness in to light.

God is always present, always working. As I finally go to bed tonite, I am thinking of my little guy and hoping that He is comforted and made strong by a realization of God's presence in His life. He need not fear (and nor should I), for God is always with him, wherever He goes. When I can not hold His hand, God always is. I pray that he will not fear the dark, not just tonite but always, and trust in the One who is the Light.

Hesitant to Hope?

I must admit that I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the last couple of days. Kind of like I got out on the wrong side of the bed, but not as crabby, more quiet. I don't like when I feel this way. It doesn't feel natural, and I feel as if I am losing sight of what God really has for me.

I think it boils down to me dealing with disappointments. Dreams have been dashed, time and time again. Things aren't what I thought they would be. I desire to have hope, but I can tell that I am holding back. I am hesitant to hope.

I guess we hesitate for many reasons. Maybe we just don't have the strength to fight another battle in order to even potentially win the war. Perhaps it's fear; we are afraid that if we hope, we are just setting ourselves up for more disappointment or even, raw pain. Sometimes we hesitate because we lose our focus. Our circumstances seem to big, and we forget how really big God is. And maybe we even hesitate to hope because we have lost a sense of whom we are, made in the image of God, and dearly loved by Him.

Hoping requires taking a chance, and looking beyond our circumstances. We may find ourselves squished in between two parenthesis, seeing where we have been and knowing that we aren't going back, but looking forward, past the next parenthesis, and feeling very uncertain about the future. My encouragement to you, and to me, dear reader, is that God is in the parenthesis, too. He is writing your story and my story. He may have us in the parenthesis for a time, to give us perspective and rest and strength. It is here that we are pupils in the school of suffering, learning the valuable lessons that He has for us, in order that we can go out and minister His comfort to a hurting world.

Hesitant to hope? I can be. I am right now, but I am trying to look beyond and upward. My hope is not in what I see or what I feel, but in the Lord alone. He is faithful. The Psalmist says in Psalm 33:18, "But the eyes if the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." Look toward the Lord, dear reader, not on your circumstances. He is looking down upon you. Look up and meet His eyes, He is faithful to be your all in all, no matter what, and He does love you, unfailingly.

"He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not." We Need Not Doubt

I really do know better, but sometimes I find myself doubting God's love for me. How about you? Sometimes I am like a little girl, with a daisy gripped in my hand, plucking off petal after petal, questioning whether "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not."

I don't like to admit it. I'd rather say I am always completely confident, but trials and turmoil in life happen and I am tempted to wonder and doubt. So, why do we doubt God's love for us?

Are we afraid? Has our courage melted and we think that perhaps God's love has dissipated along with our courage? Do we fear that it may not be true?

Do we forget what God has done for us, either because we are too busy or we do not hold on to the truth of His love? Like the Israelites after being led out of Egypt, do we forget what God has rescued us from?

Do we doubt it because of our shame? Do we let the sinful experiences of our past or present stand in the way, blocking our view of who God really is and how much He loves us, despite what we have done? Do condemn ourselves when Jesus is offering us life and love?

Or are we ignorant? Do we simply not know, perhaps because we have not looked around us? Are our hearts hardened causing us not to believe and thus turning our backs on Him? Do we go our own way, and in the process, we squander precious His love?

Does our pain hold us back from believing that God loves us through and amidst the hurt that we feel? Have other people hurt us and now it is too great for us to believe that God truly loves us when others have not loved us well? Have we been betrayed, belittled, left behind, tossed out of some one's heart, and we can't believe that God has a heart for us?

There are lots of reasons that we doubt His love, but the truth is that God does love us with an unfailing love. "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent his one and only Son in to the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).

God has come and has shown His love for us. He seeks to save the parts of our hearts that doubt His love due to our fears, forgetfulness, shame, ignorance, hardness and hurts. He reaches out and shows us His love through His Word and through our circumstances.

Isaiah 54:10 says, "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

Regardless of what the daisy of childhood may have told us or is telling us, and regardless of what the enemy of our souls is whispering to us (or screaming to us!) we need to believe what God’s Word tells us, to be true. And if we are willing to look at the experiences that God has given us, we will see how He is actively expressing His love for us. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us. We need not doubt.

God "Forgets-Us-Not"

Yesterday, I glanced down along my front path, and noticed a small flowering plant that had sprung up, through the mulch. It was a "Forget-me-not." It is such a lovely, fragile little flower, but yet must be one of great strength, that it could make its way up through the tangled, matted mulch that covers the ground around the bushes in my front yard.

"Forget-me-not!" I sighed to the Lord, "Please, forget-me-not!"

Then today, I opened the overhead garage door and two birds flew in to the garage. As I got in the car, they landed on the windshield wiper in front of me. They both looked at me, cocked their heads to the left, then to the right, and flew away. It was very odd.

Now, I will admit that I have been feeling a bit fuzzy lately. I'm not sure if it is due to the busy schedule that I have been keeping, coming off of speaking at bible study or just (did I just say just?) the chronic wear and tear of the trials, but my mind has been a bit, well, disconnected. I can care for and love on my children and do my "activities of daily living" but it seems like I just can't "think" anymore. I feel as if I have lost my creativity and my energy.

But, true to God's faithfulness, He brings things by my path and to my attention, anyway, despite my limitations. A "Forget-me-not" plant that is lovely and fragile and strong and two sparrows? What was God trying to tell me?

So, I went to God's Word and read for awhile. He reassured me of His love and His care through the Psalms. He exhorted me to continue doing good in the book of Titus. And then He brought me to Luke 12. Of course He did, I thought. My pastor preached on it on Sunday.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (Luke 12:6-7).

And this is what I heard, "Do not be afraid, dear one, of what you are facing. You are worth more than those sparrows that I placed in front of you. You are worth more than many sparrows. You are worth alot to me! I have not forgotten them, and I have not forgotten you. You are like that fragile, lovely little flower, that I have made strong, and have helped to come out of much (mulch). I know that you are tired and your mind is full of many details. I want you to fill it with Me. I can not forget you; do not forget Me. Come and spend time with me, and I will give you rest and I will care for you through my Word."

Having just taught on "Abiding with Jesus," I would think that I would learn. But, I forget. Praise God that He does not. Dear reader, be strengthened and encouraged in this truth; He forgets us not. "He has remembered His love and His faithfulness ..." (Psalm 98:3). What is God showing you?

He Can Move the Mountains

The sky started out blue in the early morning hours, with patchy clouds sewn across the horizon. But before long, thick dark bands of gray marched in from the west. I could almost see the layers upon layers of clouds, like rows of enemy soldiers marching towards a battle front.

The wind picked up and then I heard it, faintly at first, rolling in from the distance. Quite quickly, the irregular thunderous drum roll increased in intensity and frequency. The cracking and booming grew, rolling across the landscape, bellowing from the clouds; the thunder brought with it the rain, slowly at first and then rapidly pelting the ground like machine gun fire. The storm had arrived just as I rounded the turn on to my street and home.

As a child, much like my own children, I was afraid of thunder. There was something hollow and deep and scary about it. As years went by, I convinced myself that it was "angels bowling" or "God moving furniture," but I was never fully satisfied.

Today, however, the cracking and the booming and the rolling sounded more like mountains moving. There are certainly a few mountains in my life that I could use moved. I had recently been thinking about the mountains that seemed to be between me and what I thought looked like a sweeter, gentler more peaceable time. The way over them looked too daunting. The way around too laborious. Oh, how I wish they could just be moved! (And I had asked God a time or twenty for just that thing).

But today I thought, "What if they are moving?" Maybe amidst all the noise and commotion that I witness from time to time in the circumstances of my life, God is moving the mountains that are before me out of the way. Maybe, just maybe, what I thought was not moving, really was, but it just was being done differently that I thought. (Imagine that!) God wasn't making the mountains disappear, but He was doing something.

Psalm 46:1-3 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Today, when I heard the thunder, I also heard the gentle voice of God in it saying, "Does that thunder sound like mountains moving to you? Well, be assured, I am ever-present in your storms. The sounds you may be afraid of are not for you to fear. It is Me doing my work for you. Remember that when you fear the thunderous circumstances in your life, it is Me moving out of the way that which separates Me from you and you from you. I am moving that mountain, dear daughter. Trust Me."

When I feel as if all is crumbling apart and not going as I had hoped, I will chose to remember that perhaps what appears to be things falling apart, may actually be God moving the mountain. When my dreams and desires seem to be giving way, maybe God is placing them somewhere else to be better used for Him. Either way, no matter what, I know that on my walk with the Lord when the storms come, He is my refuge and my strength from the rains and from the winds, and I need not fear.