I must admit that I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the last couple of days. Kind of like I got out on the wrong side of the bed, but not as crabby, more quiet. I don't like when I feel this way. It doesn't feel natural, and I feel as if I am losing sight of what God really has for me.
I think it boils down to me dealing with disappointments. Dreams have been dashed, time and time again. Things aren't what I thought they would be. I desire to have hope, but I can tell that I am holding back. I am hesitant to hope.
I guess we hesitate for many reasons. Maybe we just don't have the strength to fight another battle in order to even potentially win the war. Perhaps it's fear; we are afraid that if we hope, we are just setting ourselves up for more disappointment or even, raw pain. Sometimes we hesitate because we lose our focus. Our circumstances seem to big, and we forget how really big God is. And maybe we even hesitate to hope because we have lost a sense of whom we are, made in the image of God, and dearly loved by Him.
Hoping requires taking a chance, and looking beyond our circumstances. We may find ourselves squished in between two parenthesis, seeing where we have been and knowing that we aren't going back, but looking forward, past the next parenthesis, and feeling very uncertain about the future. My encouragement to you, and to me, dear reader, is that God is in the parenthesis, too. He is writing your story and my story. He may have us in the parenthesis for a time, to give us perspective and rest and strength. It is here that we are pupils in the school of suffering, learning the valuable lessons that He has for us, in order that we can go out and minister His comfort to a hurting world.
Hesitant to hope? I can be. I am right now, but I am trying to look beyond and upward. My hope is not in what I see or what I feel, but in the Lord alone. He is faithful. The Psalmist says in Psalm 33:18, "But the eyes if the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." Look toward the Lord, dear reader, not on your circumstances. He is looking down upon you. Look up and meet His eyes, He is faithful to be your all in all, no matter what, and He does love you, unfailingly.