A Special Gift

I sat at my dining room table, working on my computer. My youngest daughter skipped around the corner with a pink gift bag in her hand.

“Surprise, Mom! I have a late Christmas present for you!”

I began to open it up, only to find 2 more bags with tissue paper stuffed in them, inside the outer bag.

“I wrapped it in lots of packages, Mom. It’s a special gift I made for you.”

I finally found the little gift. A small shape made of little plastic balls stuck together in the shape of – well, she had to tell me – baby Jesus in the manger.

Her face was glowing. She was quite pleased with her gift. So was I.

A small handmade gift, of great value, was wrapped in layers and layers of wrapping.

That’s been my experience with God this year. As I look over the past year of heartache and sorrow, I realize that many times the gifts He has given me are not laying out in plain view. They have been covered up, and covered up, and covered up. They have been wrapped in all sorts of wrappings, and unlike the ones that my daughter presented to me, they have not always been very pretty or fancy.

But God is faithful to give good gifts. Helpful gifts. Lovely gifts. Valuable gifts.

Sometimes, dear reader, they are tucked deep down inside and they are not revealed on first look. Keep looking, though. Just like my daughters gift, I had to keep on unwrapping and unwrapping what she had wrapped around the gift. The end result was a treasure that she made, just for me.

God has surprises for you, as well. He has treasures of truth and gifts of love that He has hand wrapped in His perfect timing and His perfect way. Trust Him and wait patiently to see what He is giving you and believe that He, as you seek to know Him and love Him, will present to you special gifts that He has made just for you.

My prayer for you as we enter the New Year is that no matter what the wrappings may look like or how many there may be, that you will see and believe that God has good gifts for you.

Buried Treasure

The maps are often brown, crumpled with jagged edges, charred as if just having escaped destruction by fire. Sketches of paths, mountains, valleys, caves and deserts cover the page. A large “X” marks the spot of the buried treasure. Stories (some true, most not) circulate about such valuable, mysterious treasures. Books are written and movies are made about them. People are fascinated by them; hopes are constructed around them. Treasures. Buried treasures. Hidden treasures. Valuable treasures. Desired treasures. Perhaps there is a little “treasure hunter” in all of us – the mystery, the surprise, the quest, the prospect of finding something that no one else has found.

Isaiah 45:3 says, “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”

Treasures of darkness? Riches stored in secret places? It is true. God has things – treasures! - for us that we could not know in any other place than in the dark times that He allows us to walk with Him through. These are the places where we find the treasures, and these treasures are evidence that He knows our name.

Precious jewels like diamonds and rubies are usually not found scattered on the ground. They are hidden – buried treasures -- deep below the earth’s surface, as well. They are dug for, chipped away at, carved out and polished. Pearls, hidden between the strong clasps of an oyster’s shells, are dived for in to the deep oceans.

So it is, dear reader, the Lord has precious treasures for us, riches stored in secret places, in the deep, dark places of our life. He gives us a map (His Word) to navigate our way over the mountains of pain, through the valleys of betrayal, in the storms of sorrow, in the vastness of the ocean and in to the caves of loneliness. As we search and seek with Him, He gives these treasures to us. He guides us to valuable truths that we could only find in these dark places. These rare and brilliant truths are not just laying out on the surface for anyone to pick up who is just meandering by. No, these truths are special ones He has just for us – truths about Himself, ourselves and His great, unfailing love.

The hidden treasures are “so that …” we know that He is God and that He calls us by name -- personally. What a joy! What a reassurance! Even here, now, when all may be dark and dank, there are treasures wedged between the hardness of the rock or in the depth of the ocean, waiting for us to discover them with the direction and strong hand of God, so that we will know more of Him and His intimate relationship with us.

Seek for these treasures – treasures that are far greater than any earthly treasure. Yes, they are buried, but they are beautiful, and they are for you.

Caught Off Guard

Yesterday, I shared in our Women’s Bible Study about how God uses suffering in our lives. Although it was only a short contribution, the flood of memories and emotions seemed to well up inside of me, oozing out of every pore the moment that I stepped to the podium. In addition, much to my dismay and mounting agitation, the Lord prompted me to share some specifics about my time of trial at the last minute, as I was preparing to walk to the front to speak. Although they were not details, they were far more than I had intended, and it threw me off. I am planner and this type of surprise was not a party. It felt as if I took my heart out of my chest, dissected it on the table, and then quickly tried to stitch it back up and reinsert it into my chest – all in ten minutes or less.

Uncomfortably, I have been rattled ever sense. I take my teaching and speaking seriously. I pray and research and plan and write and edit and rewrite. I love doing it and I love seeing what the Lord gives me to share. Usually, I am open to adding and subtracting bits here and there, believing that God will hold my words or give me new ones, according to what He wants said and who is listening. But this time -- a "big" change at the last minute? I was not accustomed to this. I wanted to be obedient, but it felt uncomfortable and even hurt.

In thinking it through, it hurt because I was vulnerable in a time when I was not sure I was ready to be. I also knew that I did not have enough time to explain or to expound on the situation. I would have to trust the Lord for the details, and just say – and not say – what He wanted me to, and then let Him take care of the rest.

It’s a scary place, like stepping up to a cliff, stepping off, not looking down, and trying to look up and stay focused. It’s what trusting the Lord looked like for me yesterday. During those 10 minutes I lost a view of what was around me, but continued to persevere in what God was calling me to do. After free-falling, and landing, I had to get up and walk on, not quite sure of what happened or whether it really even made a difference.

At the end of the talk, I shared this verse from Isaiah 54:10-13. “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. ‘O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones.”

What a beautiful picture of what God is doing in our suffering. My encouragement to the dear women at the study, and to you dear reader as well, is that even when all seems as if it is falling apart, or that you are free falling, God loves you unfailingly. He is working in all that is happening, and He is building you with the precious stones of His truths, the truth of His character, the truth of who He has made you to be and the truth of His love. These are the sparkling jewels that He uses to build the walls of your heart with.

I remain rattled, but not as much now, and maybe I am just beginning to see a glimmer of a new jewel that He is placing in my life -- the jewel of the truth that when we walk in obedience to Him (regardless of how we feel), He is responsible for the outcome, not us. We are just to trust.

P.S. -- On a much lighter note. I arrived home after my emotion filled morning, to find myself engaged in a game of "chase" around the kitchen table with my 1 ½ year old dog. I was in hot pursuit of what he had snatched in his mouth – my personal undergarment (AKA -- bra). Needless to say, I was too late. It was shredded. I needed the comic relief; I got it thanks to God and a precocious dog named – Courage. (I thought of taking a picture and posting it, but thought maybe that was an unnecessary visual J).

Road Trip

The children and I took a road trip this past week, thus why there has been a hiatus in my entries. We had a wonderful time together, and I arrived home realizing the great value of spending many hours in a 6 foot by 12 foot Suburban. Upon our return trip, I commented to my thirteen year old daughter that I had hoped to have more inspirational moments to write about on our trip. She responded, “Mom, maybe God just wanted you to have fun and relax.” How wise and wonderful of her to notice.

I then asked the children if they had any inspirations from the trip, and this is what they shared. Some are common (some are silly), but I love what came from their hearts.

1. You don’t have to have to go on fancy trips to have fun. This road trip, although not packed with roller coaster rides and playful characters, was touted to be the best ever – better than the time we went to Disney World, even.
2. Things don’t make you happy. Being with your family makes you happy.
3. Root bear and chocolate fudge can make you really sick to your stomach.
4. On road trips, you can stop when you want and check out new things.
5. One learns a lot of patience driving long distances and living in close quarters, but it does make for closer relationships.
6. Trying out new things, like exploring underground caves, does not have to be scary, it can actually be exciting.
7. Just because something looks run down on the outside, it does not mean it is in the inside. (This was noted after we pulled up to our hotel in an old historic area. The kids said, almost in unison, “Are you sure about this, Mom?” Later that day, they thought the hotel was the coolest one they had ever been in – it was old, historic, had a “real” key and didn’t even have a pool!)
8. You shouldn't rush on a road trip, because you may miss special treasures along the way.
9. Old fashioned toys are a lot of fun.
10. If you miss an exit, you can still get back on the right road if you listen to the GPS or read a map.

After arriving home, unpacking, catching up on sleep, doing laundry and trying to get back in to life, I began to think about the road trip I’ve been on lately, traveling this trial. Sometimes, I’d like to just fly to the destination, but I am learning that traveling along, following God’s lead, enjoying the scenery along the way has great value. There are bumps in the road, detours, and changes in plans, but He is always ready and able to show us the way or get us back on course, even when we get off at the wrong exit. If we hurry through it, we do miss special treasures that He has for us – sometimes they are lessons about Him or ourselves learned in difficult situations, and sometimes they are gifts given by Him for our enjoyment. The world may call us to things, but God calls us to each other and to Himself; this is critical. We have a choice. And lastly, sometimes we are asked by God to do something that we have not done before. This requires a lot of faith, but the outcome is often surprisingly amazing.

I guess there were a few things that I learned from God, via my children. However, perhaps the most valued lessons I learned is that even amidst a time of great trial, God does give us moments of enjoyment, when we can just sit back and allow His love for us, to shower over us. Psalm 31:21 says, “He showed His wonderful love to me.” Yes, it is true. He did on a road trip that I will never forget. Dear reader, look for opportunities to enjoy the delight of His love, no matter where you are.

P.S. I Love You

I awoke to a blue sky and quiet. The wind that whipped and waled the day before was now silenced. The trees were still and the beach seemed to beckon, "Come and see what God has given you."

My daughter and I did not go down to the beach on the day of the storm. The wind in combination with occasional rain showers made it cold and difficult to try and hunt for shells. It was disappointing. In our first days at the beach before the storm, we were accustomed to rising early and combing the beach for shells. We were particularly drawn to finding sand dollars. We were delighted to have even found several. Sand Dollars are quite fragile and there seemed to be a lot of broken fragments laying on the beach, but to find a whole sand dollar, well, that was quite a find.

On this last day of our vacation, though, God had a surprise in store. We went out early. The sand was cold and the air was not much warmer; even the water felt warm on our cold toes.

Piles of sea weed were scattered along the shore like tumbleweeds, blown up by the fierce waves from the previous day. But the waves of the storm also deposited other evidence of the ocean, and as I would see, evidence of God's love.

We found star fish and sea urchins. We found an old trap that washed up and an old buoy. There were shells and pieces of shells in abundance. There were more things on the beach this morning, after the storm, than there had been previously.

And as we walked along, we discovered one by one, Sand Dollars of all sorts of sizes and colors. Like children on an Easter egg hunt, we giggled and searched, wondering what we would find next and how many would there be?

Nineteen Sand Dollars in total. Who would have ever thought it possible? Not me. It was as if God was saying to me, "P.S. I love you!"

We displayed them in the shape of a heart for a photo. I wanted to remember this sign of God's love for me - His abundantly, faithful and sometimes surprising love for me. Whole Sand Dollars resting on a bed of broken shells. God's love for me amidst some of the brokenness in my own life.

After gathering the sand dollars back up we imagined, out loud, to one another, "Wouldn't it be something to have an even 20?"

No kidding, we looked down to see one more instantly uncovered by a receding wave. That would be 20.

Now I don't have any idea how or why it would be that we found 20 Sand Dollars in one morning, but in the amazing experience that we shared, God showed me a couple of things.

1. God is at work in every detail of our lives.

2. God is always showing us how much He loves us.

3. God does give us special gifts after (and in) the storms of our lives. He may use these storms to stir up these surprises for us that reveal to us His goodness and His love.

4. Even when God seems to give us alot, sometimes He even gives us more.

Dear reader, take hold of God's love for you. As the storms of life blow in and out, sometimes hourly or daily or weekly or monthly, look for the gifts that He has just for you. He is writing you a love letter in the story of your life. Look for His "post-scripts" (or "post-storms") and be assured of His unfailing love for you.

Jeremiah 31:3 says, "In a far-off land the Lord will manifest himself to them. He will say to them, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I continued to be faithful to you." (NET) In the paraphrase the Message it describes God as saying, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, and love, and more love!"

Dear reader, take hold of the truth of God's love for you. In your suffering that seems like a "far-off land" God will show Himself to you. Look for the gifts that God has just for you. He is writing you a love letter in the story of your life. Look for His "post-scripts" (or "post-storms") and be assured of His everlasting love for you.

Love, love and more love! Nineteen Sand Dollars and one more. God is amazing.

He Calms the Waves of Sorrow

I am traveling with my oldest daughter. We are spending some long promised and much needed time together, one on one. It is a huge gift to have this time with her. It is like a sigh of relief and refreshment nestled between two parenthesis in the story of my struggles.

However, tonite I am having a hard time sleeping. My heart is stirred by a series of thoughts that I have concerning the sea and its waves.

I love the ocean beach. Today, we were walking along, looking for shells and sand dollars. The wind whipped around and through my jacket, crackling like cellophane. A storm blew in earlier, and the salty air seemed to hang heavy and thick against my skin. My hair curled in every direction, its natural tendency to do so accented by the moist air. The water was warm in contrast to the cooler air, and the waves lapped at my legs and feet.

It was the lapping of these waves that seemed to connect with my sorrow and grief that still remain deep within my heart. This is the reality of life. Joy in one aspect of life can run parallel to deep sorrow in another, and I have learned that it is ok.

Waves of sorrow or grief or whatever we may experience as a reality to the losses that we may know, can be like the waves upon the ocean beach. They rush forward crashing on the beaches of our hearts, and then ease back in to the sea. Rhythmically, but not methodically, they come. Sometimes, when the storm is great, the waves come rapidly and fiercely. Other times, when the seas are quieter, they still come, gently rolling in and pulling back, but still coming.

I noticed as the waves ease in and out, that they bring with them broken shells. These shells, large and small, are remnants of what once was whole. In our waves of sorrow, they may be dreams and longings and hopes, now shattered. They tumble along the sandy bottom of our souls, sometimes covered, sometimes exposed.

But once in awhile a treasure comes in on the waves, and if we are looking for it, we can find it. A whole sand dollar. A star fish. A sea urchin. Incredible in how God created it, we appreciate it for its beauty, and for the part of the landscape that it represents.

So, too, in our sorrow or our grief, treasures are washed ashore. They may be unexpected and we can choose to search for them. They may be new dreams or experiences that God is gifting us with. They are a part of His story for our lives, and they have a beauty of their own. They, too, are a part of the landscape amidst our grief.

Dear reader, perhaps today, you can relate to this sense of sorrow welling up inside of you, crashing on the shore of your heart. What to do? Acknowledge these feelings and ask Jesus, a man acquainted with your sorrows, to accept them in to His care. He will tenderly take your troubled heart and wrap His strong and mighty hands around it.

Psalm 89:9 says "You rule over the proud sea. When its waves surge, you calm them." Slowly you will begin to see that the waves of your sorrow begin to turn into waves of His care, and the gentle lapping of His love will wash over you and give you rest.

And for me, tonite, as I finally rest my head on my pillow, I acknowledge that God has given me a treasure in my sorrow today; I have time with my daughter, to pour invaluable love in to her life, just like that which He has poured in to mine.

Trash or Treasure

I am unlovable. I am not special. I do not have anything to offer the world. I am a disappointment. I am not worth fighting for. I am alone. I am always wrong. I deserve bad things. I do not deserve respect. There is something wrong with me.

My friend and I rambled to each other on the phone the other night. We talked about how annoying, if not downright painful, it is to have old tapes slipped in to the tape recorder, and before we even know it, we are hearing the junk again. I think as women, if we are totally honest with ourselves and each other, we think these crazy thoughts from time to time. They often come out of no where, usually when we are weak and worn down. They may be things we heard from the past or the present, and our minds just don't forget. When we are struggling and weary, they slip right in and try to make themselves comfortable. They think they belong, but they do not. They are trash.

The enemy of our soul wants to have us believe that they are true. Satan is a deceiver and murderer and he will try and use these thoughts to manipulate our faith and kill our hopes, our dreams, our desires and our trust in God. He is ruthlessly determined to convince us (and when we are down in out, what better time?) that God does not love us or care for us or have plans for us. Satan's talk is trash talk. And He thinks the more trash he throws, the more likely it is that we will pick it up, or at least, that it will get stuck to us, somewhere. Yuck.

Dear reader, do not let this trash reside within you. Take hold of the trash and drag it out to the curb. In the powerful name of Jesus, you can remove it. Get it off the premise. It smells and it has not use, and in time, it will breed infestation and infection. This trash is nasty and it is a lie.

Drag out the trash, and grab hold of the treasure, God's truths about you. You are His treasured possession, His chosen one, belonging to God. You are loved with an everlasting love. You are worth fighting for. He has fought for you by sending His one and only Son. You are special, and created in the image of God, and you are beautiful. You are not alone. He has not forsaken you. That is a promise. He has great plans for your life, and in each one of them He is making you even more special, as He forms you to be more like His Son.

Dear loved ones, what will we choose to listen to? The trash that comes in to our heads and holds us back from experiencing life with Christ and healing or the treasure of God's Word that teaches us all about God and who we are in His image? Right now, in the name of Jesus, ask God to show you what trash to take out and what treasures to believe. He is faithful and just to show you the truth, and loving and tender to gently care for you in the process.

Treasures of Darkness Yet Unknown

Oh, dear reader, life sometimes really does seem insurmountable, doesn't it? So many details, strong and formidable road blocks at every turn, and the way up looks steep, treacherous, and plain old, impossible. How my heart aches for better days. It is late. I have been up working on paperwork for 2008, and more paperwork for 2009. I am tired, worn out, and feeling as if this life in the valley is too much.

So, I turned to God's Word, before turning in for the night (or the morning.) It is a stream of living, fresh nourishment that I am in great need of, especially at this late hour. And this is what I found in Isaiah 45:2-3:

"I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

I will rest, now, remembering that the mountain of uncertainties that lay before me are His to level, and He will break down gates that I feel are too big and strong to get through. Not only that, He has good things for me -- treasures that are stored in only these secret places. Treasures that could not be found any where else. Treasures unknown to me right now, but promised to me by the Lord Himself.

Lastly, this is all for me to truly know that He is the Lord who summons me by name. What an incredible reality for me right now, as I grieve and fear and weep; and now I shall sleep.