What I Simply Seek

When I was a little girl, the rustic wooden nativity set was my favorite decoration to set up at Christmas time.

Back in the 1960’s my dad’s cousin gave it to my parents as a gift.  She brought it home from Jerusalem, after traveling there.  My mom passed it on to me, years ago. 

It’s simple, and it’s simply sweet to me.

Each figure is hand carved out of olive wood. Mary, Joseph, a manger and the baby Jesus, are accompanied by 2 sheep, a donkey and an oxen, along with a shepherd, three wise men and a camel.  The wood is rough.  The smell is earthy. The sight is plain.

This year, I set the cherished characters on mounds of moss.  A single star like candle in a crystal holder stands above them.

My nativity reveals my heart this Christmas.

I feel my heart traveling over mounds of memories and moments of life, too.

Truthfully, some memories make me smile, and others find residence in the valleys of sorrow in my soul.

My heart stirs of special times and times of regret.

Shadows of dreams and disappointments drift in and out. 

I see photos of faces in my mind, and my soul longs for those I love and yearns for peace for those I care deeply about. 

I’ve been reflecting on and remembering a lot from years of walking this road called life,  BUT my heart finds rest in this -- Hope is what I simply seek, and His names is Jesus. 

What about you? How is your heart this Christmas?  In what do you see it reflected? 

Mixing Mortar?

http://www.freefoto.com/

The clear, sweet voice of Amy Grant streamed out of the speakers of my radio, “Here I go, mixing mortar, for another wall to build.”  And as I listened, I could feel my heart ache, as the Lord lifted the veil from the wall building project I've been working on. 

It’s not that I mean to build a wall right now. Before you know it, I take the crumbled dust of my hurt and pain and  mix it with the water of my tears -- stirring, stirring, stirring and making mortar. 

The thing about wall building is – once you’ve built a wall, even if you’ve torn it down, it goes up much easier the second (and third and hundredth) time.  I guess you could say, we become rather “skilled” at it.  We pick up the bricks, slop a bit of mortar between them, and up the wall goes.

I’m not sure we even realize it most of the time.

It’s not like we intentionally pull out the trough and the trowel and get to it. It just happens.

So, today, I’m standing back and evaluating the wall that I’m building. 

I’m asking myself (and the Lord) some tough questions.

What triggered me?

Why do I feel vulnerable?

Why do I seem to need to try and protect myself right now?

Is what I am doing wise? Am I building a wall to “guard my heart” for good?

Or am I building a wall to keep others at a distance because I fear more rejection?

Is this wall helping me? Hurting me?  Or Hindering my relationship with others?

And – finally, and most convicting – am I trying to build a wall between the Lord and me?

So many questions. Not sure of the answers.

So, I’m going where I know that I can rest and search and see – to the Lord.  I’m stepping over the wall I started, and running in to His arms, trusting Him to help me.

Can you relate dear reader? May I pray?

Dear Lord, There is so much that we do not know about our hearts, but you do. You know what we think, how we feel and why we act the way we do. You know every detail of our lives. Help us, the ones who are prone to “building walls” to see the truth.  Remind us of Your truths.  Help us to see if we are being wise and “guarding our hearts” for good reasons, or if we are being overly self-protective. Thank you for your faithfulness.  Thank you for being ever present and entering in to our pain. Help us to bring glory to You in whatever we do.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

What Would You Pick from that Tree?

Sitting at the kitchen counter this morning, my youngest son and I chatted back and forth about his upcoming day and about his concerns.  He did not want to go to school. Not because he does not like school. He does.  It was because he has a test.

“I wish I had that tree right now, Mom.”

“What tree?” I wondered.

“The tree you talked to us about the other day.  Remember? The one that you said, ‘What-if you could pick …?’”

Last week, my friend Bobbie spoke at our women’s bible study. After she was done speaking, we discussed questions that she wrote, at our table.  I brought home one of the questions for my children to consider.  The question was this -

Money doesn't grow on trees -- or so the expression goes.  Imagine something unusual besides money) could be grown on trees and you could pick it whenever you wanted. What would you want your tree to produce?

We came up with all sorts of ideas from the silly to the series.  Video games. Candy. Answers to tough questions. Energy. Sleep. Even one of the children wished that I grew on trees so that they could have me whenever they wanted me. J

But on this Monday morning, my son with anxieties high over a history test said, “If I had that tree, I’d pick the answers to the test – all I’d have to do is reach up and they all would be there --  or I’d pick a tree that grew ‘pretend sick’ things so that I don’t have to go to school.”  Apparently, he’d been thinking about this tree …

I guess I do, too, just in a different way.  On good days and not so good days, I find myself seeking answers and reaching for a multitude of things.  I am convinced that I am a slow learner,  but the more time goes on and experience proves, I am realizing that although none of these things grow on trees, the Lord gives willingly when we reach out and seek Him.  He may not choose to give us all we want, but He does give us all we need.

Today, I need courage and I need wisdom – to both sit down and stand up, to speak and to hold my tongue.  That’s what I would pick – it’s what I am picking to seek God about.

What about you? 

What would you want your tree to produce today – what are you in need of? Ask God. He is more than willing and able to give.