Addicted to Accomplishment -- Who Me?

“List-maker, box-checker, line-thrower” -- that’s me. It’s true.  Certainly,  part of it is out of necessity. Logistically running a large household gets hectic and organizational lists are helpful. However, probably the more predominate truth is that I just feel better about myself when I can take my list, check a box or make a big fat line through something that “must be done.”  Ahhh -- the sweet sense of accomplishment.

Did I just say, “ … just because it makes me feel better about myself when I … ?" Yes, indeed I did and that what is bothering me today.  I can be addicted to accomplishment – even as small as cleaning the window outside my kitchen sink.

Somehow, I get productive busyness and my value confused.  I find myself listing off to any willing listener (usually my husband) all that I need to do or have done in the day. I strive to take time to be still, but I find myself more satisfied with being busy.  Ugh. I hate the way that sounds. Can you relate?

Without warning, believing that we are busy, striving to be busy, and proving that we are busy morphs in to our proving ourselves, our value and our importance. We scramble and skitter all over the place, making sure we are serving here, cleaning there, learning this and doing that. Some of it is necessary, but let’s face it -- some of it is fluff, and although it appears harmlessly soft and squishy, it muffles out the voice of God calling us to do what He calls us to do – or more importantly, what He calls us to be.

The thing is, slowing down and being still are a struggle for me.  As soon as I try or take a chance and tell someone,  I hear this faint voice say, “Must be nice to have some time to yourself – wish I did.  Isn’t there something you should be doing?”

Now, I’m not talking about being lazy or sitting on our back-sides, I’m talking about taking time with the Lord and resting in His presence. Maybe it’s for hours – maybe it’s for days – maybe even weeks.  Imagine that.

Time spent in quietness and solitude is essential. Jesus did it. He wants us to do it, too.  We don’t need to defend it, and in fact, by sharing it (without shame – yes, pick up that chin and do not mumble under your breath, “I took some time for myself and the Lord today”) we may be encouraging others to do the same.

I just want you to know that I want to hear about your empty list.  Go ahead -- share it with me! I won’t say to you, with cynical sarcasm “It must be nice.”  Rather, I’ll say to you, “Cool! This IS great!”

Tell me that you sat still today and listened to the Lord, that you sat in His presence and allowed His love to permeate every cell of your being.  Tell me that you said “no” to a request to do something in order to the most important thing – be with Him. Share with me how you set your pen and pad down, and picked up His peace. I’ll rejoice with you, and you’ll encourage me. 

I’m going to try and “practice what I preach.”  Please pray for me.  May I pray for you?

Dear Lord,

There are so many things pulling at us. You know each and every one of them. You know which things are important and which things can wait. You even know which things we can delegate!  Help us to practice quietness – in body, mind and spirit. Help us to not be so busy that we miss You.  When we choose You, help us not to feel guilty about not getting things done.  Help us to order our days, not filling it with things so that we look important to others or feel important to ourselves but help us to know that our only importance comes from You because of You.  Amen.

From Whirl Wind to Windblown -- It is Good

Windblown – that’s the only word I can use to describe how I feel coming back from the She Speaks conference. It was a beautiful time of being with other women who love the Lord, worshipping Him, spending time with my dear friend whom I traveled with and learning through sessions on speaking, teaching by the Book, writing, marketing and much more. In addition, I felt the tender touch of God speaking to my heart the words that He had just for me – words I was not expecting, but am embracing. He showed up in the most unpredictable ways. It was a whirl wind, and although I feel windblown – I know that it is good.

From experience I also know that I’m a slow learner and it takes time for me to process all that God is showing me. That’s one of the great things about God – He doesn’t expect us to get it right away. He gives us time – He uses that time.

For now, I can feel the Lord impressing one major truth on my heart, as I step away from the intensity of the conference and back in to the chaos of life. God is in control – all the time – in the monumental and in the slight and momentary. He is the Author of my giftings, and the manager of how they will be used – that’s for you, too, sweet friend.

In my words, “He is my pen, my agent, and my publisher, and my marketing director.” I’m so relieved about that, otherwise, my tendency is to fret about what to do next, and then worry that I am not doing enough. I am reminded of the importance of trusting God for the every next step, and intentionally spending more time with Him, in His Word, in His presence, in His peace, and in prayer. There really is no good excuse. I am more convicted than ever.

It’s funny though, or not so funny, but just about the time that I think, “Ok, I’m just going to hang out with God, continue to write and see what He has,” the next thought that pops in to my mind is, “Maybe I should just quit.” Ridiculous, really. I know that there is someone out there – need I mention his pathetic name? s _ t _ n – who would like that. He would like me to mute my voice and give up, which would really be giving up on God. I’m not up for cooperating with the scoundrel. I’m choosing to trust God’s plan for my life, and His unfolding of it. God is going to do what He is going to do. What a relief.

I’m feeling dolefully inadequate in expressing myself today – and part of me is just wondering, maybe the windblown I am feeling is not only one of being overwhelmed, but one of being moved by the wind-like Spirit of God – that kind of Windblown. I am struck by the bigness of God and what He is doing in and through me, and even more so, I am moved by His tender, gracious love for me. Why He’d even bother – I sometimes am not sure – but He does. Again, what a relief.

Stop! Look! Listen!

The yellow school bus bounced along the highway, while the noise of 50 children bounced off the walls of the bus. It was a busy field trip to the local zoo with kindergartners and first graders. Lots of excitement. Lots of joy. Lots of noise.

The bus driver had her rules, and the children were expected to obey them. Sit in your seat. Keep your hands inside the bus. No eating or drinking AND when she approached a railroad crossing, at her signal of two fingers held high in the air, the children were to stop talking until she looked, listened and crossed over the tracks. Once it was safe, then the fun and laughter could resume.

STOP! LOOK! LISTEN! It’s a law. When a bus approaches a railroad crossing, the driver is to stop the bus, open the doors, look and listen for a train. If all is clear, the driver carries on. I suspect it came from a load of bad experiences. I don’t even want to go there in my mind. The level of tragedy is too great for me to handle today.

Each time we stopped though, and I heard the noise level go from a roar to almost complete silence, I was reminded that I need to stop, look and listen.

When we come to a crossroads, a place of potential danger (and let’s face it we do, in big and little ways each day, on this bumpy journey called life), we approach crossings where we must make decisions. Our physical, emotional and spiritual lives may be in danger. Sometimes (not all times), tragedy can be avoided, when we are wise and seek God.

At these junctures, we can STOP -- stop what we are doing, and make a conscious effort to quiet ourselves and prepare to LOOK and LISTEN for God. We need to look at our circumstances and our thoughts in light of what God’s Word and His will. We need to ask Him to help us make a decision, chart a course, or turn the other way. We need to ask Him to help us to see when and where danger may be coming down the track, and make sure that we avoid it or let it pass us by, not collide with us. We need to listen to His voice, the promptings of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, and discern what God is calling us to do.

We are such a busy people, aren’t we? We have a lot of loud background noise bouncing off the walls of our hearts and minds. Places to go. People to see. Pain to process. Influences of the world pulling at our way of thinking. Lists and lists of things to do. We need to slow down and STOP, LOOK and LISTEN to what God is revealing to us in every part of every day. If He cares enough about the sparrow (and He does!) then He certainly cares enough about us, but are we taking time to look and listen for Him?

I know I need to be more aware of it. Oh, sure, in the crisis times I call out, but it is in the mundane of every day that I wax and wane. I’m working on it. Maybe you are, too. Let’s continue to encourage one another on this journey.

“Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him” (Deuteronomy 30:20).

Have a blessed weekend!

"What Did You Say?"

The loud drone of the engine and the highway filled the space in our Suburban, between the children and me, as we drove down the road.

“I was thinking of taking you all to Milwaukee to see the Dead Sea Scrolls,” I said, as I looked in the rear view mirror at them, attempting to speak loud enough for them to hear.

“What did you say?” my 9 year old daughter asked, from the back of the vehicle. “Why are we going to Milwaukee to see dead squirrels?”

I’m still laughing about it.

Sometimes, in the craziness of life, we think we hear one thing and really an entirely different thing is said. Distractions. Busyness. People vying for our attention. Things to do. People to see. Troubles to worry about. They all can get in the way of our hearing what God really wants us to hear.

Dear reader, it is so important that we take time with the Lord and be still, and spend time with Him in His Word and in prayer. It is hard for us to hear His voice and His truths over the drone of the details of everyday life. Make sure that you are carving out a spot for Him. Mark it on your calendar. Make it a priority. Arrange a time and a place.

His Words are too important for us to get mixed up, or to even not hear at all. Through His Word He brings us life, comfort, direction and strength. How fortunate we are that our Lord loves us so much to spend time us. Let us make sure we are spending time with Him.

Dangers of Disappointment

Perhaps you know the feeling. One day you are encouraged by the Lord – a phone call, a note, a check in the mail, a visit from a friend – and the next you are wondering why the only visitors that are stopping by are unwanted ones, like discouragement, disappointment and despair.

I hesitate to admit it, but this is the predicament I find myself in today. It is “disappointment” that arrived, unannounced and uninvited. Doesn’t seem to matter – they just show up when we are not looking, and if we are not careful, sit down and make themselves at home.

The thing with disappointment is that, at least in my life, it seems to sneak in on the coat tails of sorrow, and before you know it, I am face-to-face with both of them.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot today and I humbly decided this – I am not just generally disappointed, but I am disappointed with God. And as soon as I thought it, I heard the lie of destruction say, “He really is a disappointment, isn’t He?” That’s really when I knew that it was not good, and I would need to ask God to help me rid of this grim guest.

I am in the process of writing my study for this Wednesday. I usually am looking for what God is going to show me “in the moment,” but I am not very proud of this one. The point that I was working on had to do with exploring the things that come between us and God, even as we choose to follow Him.

Money. Possessions. Popularity. Prestige. Fears. Pain. Worries. And now added to my list – disappointments. I’ve dealt with various idols from time to time – maybe we all have.

As I battled disappointment (and its strong defender – the evil one) I realized more and more that it is a hindrance for me. When I am disappointed, I am not trusting God for the life that He planned for me. I am wishing that parts of it were different. I hate that.

As I processed my disappointment and tried to hand it over to the Lord, I remembered what I wrote earlier. I was paraphrasing Jesus in Mark 10: 29-31. “There will be hard times – for My sake. I have special things just for you in the present and future “never ending, forever extending” life with Me, but it’s going to be hard when you choose to follow Me.”

At that moment, I felt the quiet nudge of God. “Oh, really Andrea? Is that so? Do you really believe that? Then why are you so disappointed in Me? Do you know the truths? Let me remind you. I have you right in the palm of my hand. I love you. I have plans for you. Look at Me – I am looking at you. I know that you are sad; it is hard, but you are mine, and I will never leave you. Trust me.”

I knew then that I had a choice – I could either wallow in my disappointment, and take the dangerous chance that it would become anger and bitterness, or choose to trust God – for the millionth time. Why would I hold on to disappointment when I can hold on to Jesus? I handed it over to Him. I can grieve the loss of what I wish I had, but I do not need to take it out on God.

Dear reader, when it comes down to it, do we really have any other right choice than to follow Jesus? He is the only way. The road is hard, but He is faithful, and He loves us very much. Unfailingly.

Learning to Enjoy God

We walked 3 blocks to the Jewel grocery store every day. We played Yahtzee, ate lunch on T.V. trays in the T.V. room (a bedroom that had been converted into a family living space), and went to the beauty parlor together, where she had her hair done once a week. We went to the Moose and saw her friends, where I was the “guest of honor.” She gave me small prizes (AKA junk) that she won at bingo and other games. I ate Brach’s candy with her in the car. She always made me peanut butter and honey on toast before I went to bed. She said funny, ordinary things that would make me laugh. I went to Marshall Fields with her to get a new slip and pantyhose (how’s that for an “old” word?). She rubbed my back at night; always called me “Dolly” and let me be me. I loved my grandma.

When I was a girl, I was crazy about my grandma. Every summer, I would go to spend one week with her and my grandpa. When I was with them, I felt special and like a priority. It’s not that they did anything extravagant (other than occasionally going to a Chicago Cubs or White Sox game – which was pretty special) but I loved being with them and we were very close, particularly my grandma and I. I miss her.

The thing about my grandma is that she was very present with me in and out of the activities of daily living. She listened to me, engaged in conversation with me and held me. I loved that about her and I enjoyed being with her. This challenges me to reflect on my relationship with the Lord. He is ever present (even more so than she could have ever been). He listens to me, speaks to me, and holds me. He is always available and never out of reach and He desires for us to be present with Him, as well -- to speak to Him, listen to Him, spend time with Him, share with Him our joys and our sorrows, and enjoy Him.

I want to be more aware of enjoying God. I want to enjoy him in the moments of each day. Enjoy His grace and great love for me. Enjoy the intricate and immense dimensions of His personality. They do not have to be big “over the top” experiences, just living life together. It makes for a relationship, a deep, never leaving, always abiding type of relationship.

Dear reader, you are a priority to God and He desires to be a priority to you. Take time in the little and big things of each day to acknowledge His presence and His love and affirm your love for Him. I learned from my grandma that it is in the little things that we are given opportunities to love and be loved. Make a conscious effort to grow in your relationship with the Lord in this way, as well. Enjoy Him!

Listening for the Voice of God

Early in the morning, I sat along the shore of the lake. The sun was glistening off of the top of the water. A gentle breeze refreshed the air with the aroma of Autumn. I set out to practice “intentional listening.”

Faint voices reflected across the water. A fish jumped. A flock of geese flew overhead. A dog barked, and another one responded from across the lake. For a short time, they howled back and forth, communicating in an unknown language. A cell phone rang from a boat where two boys and a father fished. The intermittent “kerplunk” of a fishing lure hit the water, and a quieter “click, click click” of the reel followed. Laughter danced. Two children argued (regrettably, mine). The faint drone of a motorcycle ascended then descended, as the bike drove down a distant road. A bee buzzed. Doors slammed.

At ten o’clock, though, all changed. The motor boats with their loud gregarious engines started up and all else was drowned out. Although certainly still present, I could no longer hear the sounds of life through the noise.

“Intentional listening.” So many distractions keep us from listening. We hear all sorts of things, but we seldom listen. I’ve been thinking about the difference. Hearing is a physical action, but listening finds its source in the heart. It is the picture of a mother leaning close to her child, gently, sincerely, lovingly paying attention to what they are saying and trying to understand the heart and soul of the child.

The skill of listening, dear reader; is it not precious and essential? With the Lord, we may think we hear what He is saying, but do we genuinely, regularly listen with the ears of our hearts? “… if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts …” the writer of Hebrews exhorts us (Hebrews 3:7). Do we neglect His voice and walk in our own ways, hardening our minds and our love for Him by seeking our own voice or the voices of others?

Listen for the voice of Truth, today, and chose to let it permeate your soul and make a difference in your life. Listen for His voice in the difficult circumstances of your life and listen for His voice in the small happenings of your day. Do not let the noise of the world and all of its temptations and lies drown out the voice of Truth. Lean in close to God, in a quiet spot in your home, in your work, in your school day, or in your comings and goings, and seek His voice, the voice of Life, with your heart.