God Pulled the Corner of the Curtain Back Just a Bit for Me to See

This post is not about me. Oh, sure, I’m in the story, but please know that what I really saw was God pulling the corner of the curtain back just enough for me to see a bit of Him.

A month ago, the little girls and I rummaged through their dressers and closets. It was clean out day for them. I do not like the job.  Checking sizes, trying on clothes, determining what fits, what doesn’t and what is out of season.

Seems like there was a lot this year.  With the baby (AKA little sister) growing (and having things passed down from 2 sisters), the bushel basket over-flowed.

I put the items in my laundry room, vowing to bring them to a local thrift store ASAP.

For weeks, I climbed around the unneeded clothes.  They fell out of the basket. I would put them back in. I even washed a couple of things that seemed to dirty as they sat there.

“Ugh! I have got to get these out of here,” I murmured to myself time and time again.

But I never got around to it.

Here’s the cool part.

Out of the blue, I received an e-mail from a friend.  A family had fallen on hard times, and was in need of little girl clothes in the sizes of – yes, you guessed it – the sizes that were overflowing in my laundry room.

Yes! I had clothes … I had lots of clothes.

Like I said, this story is not about me. I didn’t do anything (other than procrastinate, which is not admirable at all). God did everything.  He knew their need. He knew what I had, and He had a plan.

What makes this story so special to me is that lately, I’ve been feeling discouraged.  I hate the feeling.  Like a thick ooze of slime it weighs heavy on my shoulders. I can not wipe it off, rinse it off or pick it off. It just settles and it sticks.

It says to me, “Is God really out there? Is He really watching out for me, aware of my every need?”

But this Christmas, God gave me a gift – a reminder of His tender, hand-crafted care.

The trick for me now is to accept His gift of truth, that His provision for me, although different, is non-the-less faithful. 

That’s what I’m working on this week, remembering the truths.

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (NLT Deuteronomy 31:8)

Pondering -- for WHOM do I do what I do?

I’ll be straightforward and honest with you – I’ve been struggling. I’ve been wrestling it out with myself and God, wondering if this whole writing and teaching thing are really for me.  And even though my friends (well, some of my friends) and seasoned writers are encouraging me to persevere, I just can’t seem to shake it.

And to top it all off -- God seems to be terribly silent of late … until, yesterday.  When, for a brief moment, He caught my attention.

At a most unexpected time, in a most unexpected way, I heard His familiar whisper in the center of my soul. 

“Andrea, I see you that you hung a new picture on the wall.”

“Yes, I did, Lord.  Lily painted it! I love it and I just had to put it in this special place.”

“Tell me about it, dear.”

“Well,” I said in my head with delight, “I watched her from across the room. I saw her get on her over sized art smock and prepare her paints, squirting them out on her palette and mixing them together.  I watched her as she took the plain white canvas and began to create with freedom and joy. I saw her sketch out what she envisioned in her mind, thoughtfully and intentionally. I admired the way she smiled as she cocked her head back and forth and I loved watching her delicate hands grip the paint brush, as little by little she laid down color next to color, forming the pretty picture of the Easter egg.”

“And then what happened?”

“Then she gave it to me, Lord. She said, “Here Mommy, I painted it for you! I hope you like it!”  I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her and hung it in a place where I can see it all the time – in my kitchen – because it brings me joy and it is a representation of her love.”

“I see,” said the Lord. “Are you disappointed in it?”

“Why, of course not, Lord. She made it and I love her.”

“Are you sad that it is not in the Louvre?”

“Well, no Lord. I like it right here. It does not matter to me whether it is in a museum or not. It came from her heart and it is beautiful in my eyes.”

“My  dear child, Andrea.  This is how I feel about you and how I look at what you do for me.   I know that you are concerned about your writing and teaching, what I may be doing in it and through it and what I may not. I know you are concerned about what you should do next, where you should submit, and how you should write differently.  Indeed, you are concerned about the what, the where and the how of your writing, and I understand that, but – listen carefully -- for Whom do you do what you do?”

“You see, Andrea, I think what you write is beautiful. I watch you when you write.  I see how it brings you joy to take a blank piece of paper and color it with words and phrases. It pleases Me when you take My truths and write them.  It doesn’t matter to Me whether they are in a book, in a magazine, on your blog, or read by your Facebook friends. It really doesn’t matter to Me how many followers you have or how many hits are on your site – all of which I do control, by the way.

What matters to Me is you and that you are writing out of your love for me – for I love you very much.

What you do for Me is special. You placed your daughter’s painting on the wall; I place what you write close to My heart. If and what others say is not what is important.  It  does not give what you write value. What you do for Me is valuable  – what matters is that you do it for Me. I will take care of the rest. I know the what and the where and the how."

“Yes, Lord. You have my attention. I’m listening and I’m trying,” I replied, humble and thankful for our conversation, ”For Whom do I do what I do?  I do it for You.”

Dear Lord, I know I am prone to forgetting. It is not that I don’t try to write for you, it’s just that I tend to base my value or the value of what I do on what others say. I know it is not true. Please help me to let go of what others think, and only focus on you. I trust you to do with it what you desire.  Help me to have the courage to continue. Thank you for breaking in to my day and loving me enough to show me your tender care.  Amen.

Shaking off the "Shoulds" and the "Shouldn'ts"

I’ve been in a funk all day.

Can’t put my finger on it.

I’ve tried to figure it out but I keep coming up blank.

And then I read a post by a fellow bloggy friend, Niki.  She wrote a great post (click here) about the “shoulds” in her life – and as I read her words, I felt a bit of the weight I’ve been lugging along all day – lift.

I’ve been sitting here, “shoulding” myself to the point of – funk.

I should really clean up the kitchen. I should get something done on the study I’m writing. I should run that errand. I should get a chunk of the laundry done.  I should chop some chicken. I should clean off my desk. I should this and I should that.

And then I mix in a few “shouldn’ts,” as well. I shouldn't just sit here. I shouldn’t be so down in the dumps today. I shouldn’t be so pathetic today. I shouldn’t be in a funk.

It’s a “should” and “shouldn’t” shake – that I'm -- errr -- trying to shake off.

Niki talks about “chosing” instead of “shoulding.” She’s right.  And so I’m working on changing my focus and giving myself a break today. It’s okay. I’m choosing to just take a break, to veg out. I’m choosing to not call it a funk, but to call it freedom.  I know that the Lord loves me and that I am free to just be. I don’t always have to be “doing” something; sometimes, the very thing He has for me is to just be me. It’s okay to have a down day – either in my heart or in my home. 

The Lord loves me for me. And He loves you for you, too.

Dealing with Discouragement

In the Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the opening scene is one of a snowy night in Bedford Falls. We hear the voices of people praying for George Bailey – people who love him and whom he has helped. In the next scene, we see stars in the galaxy and witness a conversation that appears to be between God and a senior angel, Joseph. They are discussing a man, George Bailey, whom people are praying for. The decision is made to send Clarence, an angel trying to earn his wings, to help George. Clarence is beckoned and arrives.

“Clarence, a man down on earth needs our help” God reveals.

“Is he sick?” Clarence replies.

“No, worse, “God responds, “He’s discouraged.”

All faulty theology aside (for instance, angels come with wings -- they don’t earn them), my own heart is stirred with the reality that when we are infected by discouragement it can be worse than physical sickness. It can permeate the core of our being and attempt to destroy our joy and our hope, perhaps even leaving us weak and wounded. Sometimes it’s related to something particular (a dream dashed, a conflict unresolved, a trial persisting) and other times it sprouts up by itself like a seed blown in by a storm, taking root whence we know not where it has come from. As powerful as fear can be in our lives, discouragement can be equally so. It disarms our ability to persevere and be strong, if we allow it settle in and take up residence in our hearts, and causes us to lose sight of the big picture.

However, there is hope and His name is Jesus. Jesus overcomes our discouragement when we relinquish it in to His capable hands, and I believe He can transform it and use it to develop patience in us (and perhaps a hundred other things).

James 5:7-8 says, “Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.” Whenever we feel discouragement settle in, whether it is in regards to our ministry, our calling, our relationships, our finances, our families, or ourselves, we can try and look past it, focus on the Lord and the hope that of the work that God has promised to do in us.

Patience will grow in us when we respect who God is, trust in His timing and remember that He is coming back. Now, we celebrate the first Advent, but we look towards the second Advent when He will come again. It is easy for us (at least it is for me!) when it seems as if things are just not going as I hope or plan, to be discouraged – but I can be short sighted and need to remember that Jesus is coming again and all that is orchestrated now is for my good and His glory.

The (Not) Car Wash

I only had 10 minutes between point G and H: I had already driven from point A through F that day. My car was in desperate need of a wash, so I pulled in to the automatic car wash depot and began to deposit my dollar bills. I was (almost) certain that I could rummage up enough money to pay for the car wash. One by one, I inserted the bills in to the slot on the machine, often having to reinsert them after they were spit back out at me. The machine apparently did not recognize them as genuine tender. I was getting frustrated. Coming up short of dollar bills, I turned to the change cup that I have in my car and began to dig through a multitude of coins, trying to unearth a sufficient amount of quarters. Again, I came short of my goal, then to notice that the machine would only take quarters in change … no other coins accepted.

Disappointed, discouraged – ok … irritated – I pushed the “refund” button to hear the loud clanging of quarters as they spilled in to the metal cup. Great, not only did I not get a car wash, I now had a slew of quarters to add to my already overflowing cup of coins. It’s just not what I had planned or wanted. What a waste of time!

Sometimes, in life we can feel this way, as well. We may try to make deposits as we serve the Lord, only to come up short, and then not have the outcome we expect. Disappointment sets in. We pick up and put on the cloak of discouragement (rather than the full armor of God) and emanate irritation rather than joy; at least, I know I do.

How about you, dear reader? Do you ever feel as if you have invested in a project, a ministry, a circumstance, a dream or a person and you have come up short? Are you discouraged by not experiencing a favorable outcome? Are you feeling as if you want to throw in the towel, pack up and leave, or push the “refund” button?

Remember that in God’s economy, nothing is wasted, and endurance is a prized possession. There may be times when our plans seem to be thwarted, or we are not able to do what we desired, or we have to wait, but God tells us to not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9). He does not forget what we do for Him. Hebrews 6:10 says, “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”

Persevere. Endure patiently. Love the Lord above all things, trusting Him to give you what you need to complete the work that He has for you to do, in His time.

When Faith Goes to Market ...

One of my favorite devotionals is Streams in the Desert. Some time ago, I read in there a quote that has stuck with me, and seems to keep resonating in my soul.

"When faith goes to market, it always brings a basket."

I don't know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to understand what to have faith means. There is something about the visual picture of a woman picking up an empty woven basket, and heading in to her day, prepared to gather what she is certain that she will find in that day, that encourages me. She is actively trusting, full of confidence in the One who is the Provider of all things.

When I am discouraged or scared or overwhelmed or sad or anxious, I try to remember to pick up my basket that God has for me, trusting that He will fill it with all that I need for that day, and that He will fill it abundantly. I desire to head in to my day, filled with the faith, that God has good things for me in the day, even when it appears to be a dark and gloomy day; even, perhaps, more so on those days, than any other days.

Gradually, I am learning that when I live by faith, and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) that I actually experience more of God than I would have ever imagined, as He fills my basket with the strength and courage that I need, and shows me His unfailing love.