And My Word for the Year is ...

Courage.

The problem is, ironically, I’m scared about this being my word for the year that I believe the Lord chose for me.

And I’m not sure I’m crazy about it either. I keep asking if perhaps there is a different word that the Lord would rather give me. I keep trying to shake it and replace it with another one. Couldn’t it be “kindness” or “joy?”  But time and time again, through multiple circumstances, it seems as if this is the word He chose for me. 

Courage. 

More specifically – Holy Courage.

If I am honest with myself, I know I need it. I need Holy Courage.

I know I need it for the things I fear and for the things that seem way too big for me to handle.

Let’s take teaching, for example. I’ve been swimming laps back and forth through the book of Acts, researching, writing and asking (begging) the Spirit for wisdom and insight.  Stroke by stroke, breath by breath, at times I weary and worry as to how in the world I am going to pull this off for His name’s sake.

I can feel my insecurities and inadequacies wash over me as I swim these laps.  It does not feel as if I am swimming in a calm, well chlorinated pool, but rather on seas with waves that rise and fall. I’m nervous about not doing a good job. I’m nervous about not doing the thing that I desire to do – please the Lord. I’m nervous about – well, I’m even nervous about being nervous.

I need Holy Courage.

However, as I study, I’m learning that it’s what the early church had through the ministry of the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t something they mustered up on their own; they had it because it was given to them, and they took hold of it.

They had Holy Courage. 

I need Holy Courage.

I have Holy Courage.

I just need to grasp it and believe -- for all the things that are before me in this year, the things I do know and the things I don’t have any idea about … yet.

Jesus said, “Take Courage!  It is I! Don't be afraid!” (Matthew 14:27). He is ever-present; I do not need to fear. I’m working on it, Lord.  Help me to believe.

Do you have a word for the year? 

In the Grip of the Potter

Pressed in upon. Squeezed.  Overwhelmed. So much to do – so much to be.  I went over my mental checklist of things that I needed to do, from e-mails to lessons and housework to phone calls. My mind was spinning. Oh! So much, and then I felt the nudge of God.

“Look upward, dear child. It is Me. You are not squeezed in by your circumstances, by the needs of the day or your concerns for tomorrow, what you are feeling is Me. I am holding you tightly. I am molding you and shaping you.”

Was it His grip I was feeling?  Or the grip of the world squeezing the life out of me?  Could it be Him?  Dare I believe?

I have a choice. I could choose to feel imprisoned by my long list of things to do and my fears and my worries or I could choose to believe that He is the one who is holding me tight.  The Potter is holding my heart and my life like clay, in His tender, gentle, loving grip. He takes me, and knowing what is best, embraces me, molds me, and shapes me. He knows where to push to make me in to the vessel for His use for this day, and for all the days to come.

He knows what is necessary for me today. He knows what I need for tomorrow. He knows the plans He has for me. He is the perfect Potter.

“Will it hurt?” I wonder.  “Please don’t push too hard. Please don’t stretch me too thin. But please don’t let me go,” I call out to Him. I am guarded. I am scared.

I brace myself, and stiffen up, fearful that it is going to hurt.  I just want to be comforted.  I fear pain in the process, but I know that if I am to be for the display of His splendor, that I must also be willing to trust His hand, for there is  where growth and beauty will be found.

Oh, Lord. I don’t know what today holds, or tomorrow, but You do.  You hold me, You mold me. You shape me, You make me. I am clay in Your hands that You have chosen for Your purposes  I am choosing to trust my life in this day to Your firm, gentle, loving touch, and although it feels as if I am spinning round and round, I know that I am in Your grip, turning on the wheel that is powered by Your love, in order to make me who You desire for me to be. And I am loved.

The Little Girl Within -- A Suitcase Full of Fears

Fears -- we all have them and they can be difficult to handle.  Today, my friend Lori Jones shares a descriptive and insightful story about when she was a little girl watching her Aunt struggle and how Lori is learning how to surrender her own fears.

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     On pins and needles I watched Aunt Irene carry the serving platter across her kitchen.  The plate bobbed and weaved like the flight of the bumblebee and threatened to come crashing to the linoleum.  The potential of things breaking sent shivers down my spine; at just nine years old, I had already figured out that broken things meant for a bad day in my household.

Just as I was about to develop a quiet ulcer, the tray found a home on the counter.  Whew.  Then, off she went with a dishtowel, wiping a glass and holding several others in the crook of her arm!

She traveled with a tilted gait and mumbled to herself while cleaning up after our evening meal. Her head swayed with a mind of its own.

            This was the first summer we had come to Colorado and found her shaking like this.  I had heard through the parental eavesdrop line that Irene was sick.  I was sure it was Huntington’s, the secret disease in our family, the one that grownups spoke of in hushed tones when the children were playing.

I knew there was no cure; of that I was sure, and I wondered if they could tell by looking at you whether you had it or not, because at family gatherings the adults would cluster and whisper with one other, while peeking up and around at us cousins.

I sat frozen while Irene finished, alternating between chewing my fingernails and gripping the table edge.

When we had arrived the night before, I desperately wanted to hug my Aunt Irene, and yet I was completely terrified of her and whatever had taken over her body.  What if right in the middle of the embrace she uncontrollably grabbed me and wouldn’t let go?  What if she tipped over, and it was my fault? If the truth be told, I feared I might catch what she had if I got too close.

My Little Girl Within had fears, lots of them, and she stowed them in a suitcase and travelled with them into adulthood.

Fear is a roadblock; it can stop us in our tracks if we allow it. In the Old Testament, when the Israelites were to conquer and take possession of the Promised Land, they were also afraid.  Although their new home was filled with good food and fertile soil, it was also inhabited by strong men, towering over them.  The future was unknown and intimidating.  But God said through their leader Moses, “Be strong and courageous.. the Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deut. 31:6-7)

Looking back on that trip, I regret not holding her tight.  I’m proud of my aunt, forging through the kitchen like nothing, not even a bad case of sea legs, could stop her from getting the dishes done.  I will remember Irene, not as a victim of Huntington’s Disease, but as someone with courage, who refused to become paralyzed by her present circumstances or to dwell on hypothetical’s; she just did the next logical thing.

I’m learning to unpack my fears, one at a time, and release them to God. Does this ensure a positive outcome?  Not necessarily, but if God promises to go before me, I will try to follow Him and rest in the assurance that a “mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace”. (Romans 8:6)

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Lori Jones is a wife and mother of three children.  She is a self-employed database designer who works part time in order to balance caring for her family and home with her passion for writing and teaching.  Lori is a regular speaker and teacher for Women’s Wednesday Bible Study at Calvary Bible Church in Neenah, Wisconsin.

If you have a Little Girl Within story that you would like to share in order to encourage others, I would love to hear from you. Guidelines for submission are at the bottom of the post for the start of the series here.

The Little Girl Within -- Never Forgotten by Him

Is it hard to believe that you are loved?  Do you tend to build walls around your heart?  Do you fear that you are forgotten?  My friend Betty shares her story of when she was a little girl, where she learned how to build walls and how her dear Jesus has come in and broken down the walls.  We all build walls, don't we? But there is hope ... 

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     Sometimes I wish I could go back and be a fly on the wall. To see why "the little girl within" learned to smile on the outside, but hurt so much on the inside. To understand why the wall around her heart was built. She didn't even realize the wall was going up, brick by brick, to protect her heart from feeling unloved and disappointed. How is the "little girl within" affected at birth, two years old, and four years old when love and life is disrupted by a mother's mental illness and hospitalization? What would the fly see? An emotionally sick mother, unable to love? An impressionable little girl, desperately needing love?

     "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Isaiah 49:15-16.

    And Jesus, who heals the brokenhearted, did not forget me. He was there. He saw me (and the wall). He's shown me over time that the wall to protect was actually a barrier to receiving the love I longed for. The wall hindered me from relationally going deep in giving and receiving love as God desired. I had fear in loving.

     He said, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18.  And the one who IS perfect love, the ONLY ONE who can love perfectly, God himself, has driven out my fear. He has broken down the old wall.

     Are there still times when the "little girl within" says, "Quick, put up the wall, guard your heart!"?

     Yes. God is still working. But he reassures me life is not so much about a stopwatch as about a compass. We are heading in the right direction together.

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Betty resides in Neenah, WI with her husband and four children. They attend Calvary Bible Church. When not busy volunteering at her children's schools, her church, or the Fair Market Thrift store, she enjoys walking their dog, reading at Neenah's Kimberly Point overlooking Lake Winnebago, and going on dates anytime, anywhere with her husband.

If you have a Little Girl Within story that you would like to share in order to encourage others, I would love to hear from you. Guidelines for submission are at the bottom of the post for the start of the series here.

The Little Girl Within -- A Memory of Mean Girls

Thinking back, as a fifth grader I would have described myself as feeling “yucky” inside. I tried to do my best. I tried to be happy, but there was a part of me that was scared, lonely and confused, like a little lamb.   A pack of mean girls moved in on my life and set up their den around my heart.  

I don’t know what happened initially, other than we had just moved from Virginia to Illinois the previous year and the mocking began when I answered “Yes ma’am and No ma’am,” (in a Southern way) to the teacher’s questions. It just grew from there like mold on bread. I was a relatively naive child.  I wanted to be friends with people, but for some reason outside my understanding, was not going very well.  It was a long year -- make that, two years.

They made fun of me. They poked at me with pencils and compass tips. It hurt, leaving small puncture wounds not only on my body, but on my heart. They took things from me and then lied. It seemed like at every opportunity, they circled around me and loomed over me, breathing down my neck, instilling fear in me around every corner.  I felt vulnerable and violated. The pack was so domineering; I don’t remember having any other friends. Maybe everyone was scared of them, too.

The funny (or really not so funny) thing is that I don’t remember my teachers protecting me, either. Maybe I did not speak up; maybe I was afraid that I would get in trouble or be ridiculed even more. I did not feel safe at school. I hated feeling unprotected and alone.

I felt like something was wrong with me.  Why else would they treat me so cruelly? I did not know what to do. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, under my pink and white gingham comforter, asking God to make tomorrow a better day. Finally, in seventh grade, things began to turn around; a new school helped in making new friends.

Still, once in a while I do still struggle with the memories and the effect that they had on me.  I have to fight off a first response of thinking that there must be something wrong with me when I come up against others who are unkind. I can feel the “yucky” emptiness rise up inside of me, and I know that I have to stop, acknowledge it, and ask the Lord to help me embrace the truth.

 The truth is this -- what others think of me and how they treat me does not determine my value. Their actions do not mean I am the problem. God determines my value, not other people. The truth is that He says I am a treasured possession, dearly loved, and bought with a price, His beloved.  The truth is that I am not alone.

I was just a little girl. I hated that time. It takes no more than a hint of bullying or oppression, a mere brush with a mean girl, and I am right back to those difficult moments, feeling the pain,  the sorrow, and the loneliness, but somehow I can see how God has redeemed the years that the locusts (those mean girls) have eaten (Joel 2:25).

Although I do not understand why God allowed it to happen, I can see  that He is using it to give me a great compassion and love for others, especially for those who feel left out and “less than,” and in addition, I am learning to love myself and honor that little girl within, as well.

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Do you have a story to share about the little girl within you and what God is showing you about yourself and Him? Please click here to read the introductory post to this series. Included at the bottom of the post are guidelines for submission. I would love to hear from you.

A Large Stone in the Way

It was early in morning when the women made their way to the tomb. As they wiped sleep from their eyes, they shuffled through the garden, whispering to one another in hushed tones. So much had transpired over the past days; it felt like a bad dream. Oh! How they missed their Jesus, but now was their last chance to show Him honor. But an obstacle stood in the way. A large stone.

“… and they asked each other, ‘Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?’ But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away” (Mark 16:3-4).

The women had a choice as they went out to serve their crucified Lord. They could have slept in. They could have decided that the task to roll away the stone would be too overwhelming, and just given up. They could have stayed back in fear of what they would have to contend with, perhaps confrontational Roman soldiers. But they went out. They knew that there was an obstacle in the way of their ministering to Jesus, but that did not stop their love for Him.

As we set out to seek and honor Jesus, do you ever feel like there is a “large stone” in the way? An obstacle -- something big in your life that seems to be standing in the way of you moving forward in your relationship or service to the King. Perhaps you can’t imagine that you will ever be able to serve and love Him, in view of what is standing in the way. It is too big. Too hard to move on your own. Impossible. Maybe it is a health issue. Maybe a marriage that is under duress or has ended. Maybe it is a wayward child, an abusive spouse, lies about you or difficult relationships. Maybe it is the loss of a ministry, the loss of a dream, or the loss of a job.

And we think to ourselves, “How in the world are we going to get past this large stone?” I’ve had a number of large stones in my life, and I’ll be honest with you, some have moved, and others have not. I’ve turned the corner, with sleep in my eyes, on more than one occasion, and there it is – still trying to obscure my view of the Savior. The thing with “large stones” is that we have no control over them. Only God is in control. We are called to get up, step out and trust that He will provide us with what we need, when we need it. He may move the large stone right away (although I rarely find this to be true). He may move it in a different way than we expect, or He may not move it at all, but rather move our heart (which can be like a rather large stone, at times).

Regardless, nothing can hold us back from our Jesus. There is no obstacle too large to keep us from Him. He rose from the dead, conquered the grave, and He lives for you and for me. As you celebrate this Easter and reflect on the power and beauty of the resurrection in its every detail, remember that there is nothing too large for God in your life. He is in control of all things and loves you with an unfailing love.

Blessed Easter, dear readers!

Taking Hold and Holding Close

The airport was crowded. People toting heavy bags stood in long lines, inching slowly forward towards the ticket counter. A little girl of about 3 years old in lime green pajamas and tennis shoes stood next to me. Her straight, blond hair was pulled back in to a loose pony tail. Green eyes peered out from behind wisps of hair that covered a portion of her fair face. She did not smile. She clutched a faded pink blanket that reflected much use and laundering.

Standing next to her was her father. He was muscular and of medium build and wore military fatigues. Strapped to his back was a large, bulging back pack. He toted a duffel bag with one arm. His hair was cut short. He appeared quiet, yet, confident as He stood close to the little girl.

Despite the heavy load that he carried on his back and handled in his left hand, he reached down and scooped up the little girl with his strong right arm. He kissed her cheek and talked gently and kindly to her. She smiled from time to time, but mostly she just stared at him, looking confused and sad.

Perhaps like me, dear one, you are not fond of good-byes -- living them or watching them. They make me cry. Tears pooled in my eyes as I looked at this father, who I surmised was leaving for the Middle East on deployment, and his daughter who clung to him. Good-byes stir up cauldrons of grief, mixed in with loss and loneliness, inside of me. I can feel the depth, the movement and the intensity.

As I’ve replayed this image in my mind the last few days, the Lord continually has brought me to Himself. At times, we can be like a little child. Confused and scared, we try to stand close to Him. We peer out from behind our circumstances, and wonder, “What is happening? Will I be alright? Need I fear or will I be safe?”

Psalm 18:16 says, “He reached down from high and took hold of me …” Our Father reaches down and lifts us up in His strong arms. He holds us close. He lavishes us with love. We may be uncertain and fearful, but God reassures us with His Word and with His presence. As He carries the weight of the world, He embraces us with a confidence that He is in control. He is not going to leave us -- ever. He always has an arm and place of safety and comfort for us; He is trustworthy and faithful to be present and all we need.

Like Birds on a Wire

Being naturally curious and prone to thinking about random things (especially while driving the car), I find myself frequently noticing and pondering this, “Why do birds on a wire sit so far apart from each other?”

I researched the question and various “non-experts” seem to agree that the electricity in the wire keeps them warm, so that is why they sit on the wire. No one comments on why they do not sit close together. I’ve done some observational research, while driving from pillar to post, attempting to answer this question and others that crop up. Isn’t it cold and windy up there in the winter, even if their little feet are warm? Why don’t they choose to sit in a tree where they are protected? Why are they not sitting closer together? Do they not like one another? Are they afraid that if they get too close they may catch some bird disease? Did they have a bad experience with another bird almost knocking them off the wire and thus are hesitant to trust other birds? How do they keep their balance? Do they sleep up there or are they awake? Are they afraid?

Regrettably, I have no answers for any of the above questions.

However, it led me to thinking about how we sometimes (may I be so bold to say, often times) are like birds on a wire. Instead of seeking safe shelter, we put ourselves out in the elements without protection. We find precarious places to sit or stand that feel warmer, clinging on for dear life, when really there are safer places for us to rest and a safer One to cling to. We sit alone. We have been hurt by others. We are afraid of getting too close. We don’t trust others, because – well, because experience shows us that getting too friendly means that we’ll get hurt, somehow, someway, someday.

And yet the irony is that we, in an attempt to “play it safe” and not huddle together, we run the risk of being more prone to predators – doubts, fears, temptations.

As lovers of the Lord Jesus, we are to gather together. We are to warm each other with His Words and His truths. We are all going to go through “chilly” seasons when we may feel as if we are alone and we lose sight of what is right and true. We need each other. We need to care for one another, hold one another accountable and love one another with a Christ-like love. We need to seek safe shelter in the Lord, together, encouraging one another day in and day out (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Dear reader, are you feeling like a lone bird on the wire? I do sometimes. First of all, draw near to the Lord (Hebrews 10:22). Spend time with Him, resting in the shadow of His protective wing (Psalm 91:4). And then ask Him to show you who “safe” people are – people you can trust, people who love the Lord and people who will not allow you to wander or grow faint. People who will stand by you.

Or perhaps today you are not the bird on the wire, but you see little lone birds around you. Ask the Lord to show you people whom you can minister to. Listen to their heart. Reach out to them and allow them to share their pain. Keep it confidential. Speak truth in love. Share your life with them and help bring balance to their lives. Pray for them and lead them to the place of perfect shelter, Jesus.

Caulking the Cracks

“What’s the mouse count today?” I kidded with my elderly friend.

“Three,” she said. “I’m hoping we got them all. The neighbor caulked around the stone outside where there are some cracks, so hopefully they won’t get in. I think I’m at peace again.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but from time to time, some pesty vermin start scurrying around inside of me. When I develop cracks in my foundation, they sneak right in and try to make themselves at home. Little critters (and sometimes not so little ones) like fears, doubts and worries, make their way through openings in my heart. The cracks are usually a loss of my confidence in the Lord and His love for me, especially when my foundation is shaken by crisis and trial. When I hear the pitter-patter of their little feet, I need to caulk up the cracks with the firm filling of God’s truths.

I wish that the cracks would never come, but they do. However, knowing that we have the perfect caulk helps, as long as we remember to use it and apply it properly. God’s Word is a great healer and a great barrier to unwanted “vermin” in our lives. The more time we spend with the Lord in prayer and in His Word, the less we have to worry about these cracks forming or getting big enough to let in these unwanted visitors, but when they do – God and His truths are present and able to take care of the cracks and give us peace, again.

The One Who Never Changes

“I hate the uncertainty of life,” I murmured out loud to myself and to God. “ I really do prefer predictability, Lord.” I suppose a surprise here and there is fun, but if I had it my way, I want to know what is around each corner before I get there. Sometimes I even think, “If I only knew than I could be prepared to handle it better!” My knowing what would happen next, of course, would be my source of security – which really isn’t secure at all.

One of the things about God that I am realizing more and more is that I just can’t predict what He is going to do. Sometimes I think it looks as if things are going to go one way, and then they seem to turn on a dime and go another. I get confused, and sometimes I begin to fear or worry or wonder.

Then I need to back up the cart and remember that although God’s ways may be unpredictable to me, His ways are not unpredictable to Him. Furthermore, and above all, His character is always predictable.

He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is faithful to those who love Him. He is in control. He sees all that is happening and He is orchestrating it for our good and His glory. He is compassionate and merciful. We see only a part of the picture; He sees the whole. He is not only loving and kind, He is just. He is good. He is everything we need.

The more time goes on, I realize (despite my frequent forgetting), that I actually do know Someone Who is around each corner, and that is my beloved Jesus. Sure I may not know the details of the next hour or day or year, but I do know Him today and believe that He is the same tomorrow. This gives me great comfort. He is always present - holding out His nail scarred hand – ready to hold mine and to walk with me through any valley or over any mountain slope that He plans for me. He is faithful. He is strong. He is mine, and He is yours, too.

When times are tough, as they often are dear reader, and you are caught “off guard” and feeling the wave of uncertainty wash over you, trust in the only One who never changes. Trusting in Him, resting in Him, is the most secure place you can be. No matter what you may face today or tomorrow, He is the same and He loves you very, very much. Turn your face towards Him and He will show you more and more of Who He is as you journey through this life together.

Stormy Seas

As far as storms go, it is a small one in comparison to others that I recently (and not so recently weathered). I know it won’t last long, but I can still feel the wind whirling around me. Like the disciples who set out on a still Sea of Galilee, I stepped in to my day, but before long, I was engulfed with a thousand things to do and a mindset that was not feeling confident nor at peace. My heart is feeling fragile, and my list of things to do is a mile long. How am I going to get it all done? Why does my list have to be so long? I wish I could just quiet my mind and my heart and get through this all!

Bailing. Frantically bailing. Fearing. That’s what I am doing this morning. Bucket full by bucket full I try to toss out the excess “stuff,” -- outside stuff and inside stuff -- and as soon as I toss some out, more comes in. I am weary. Tossed about . Worn out. Having a hard time organizing and seeing what to do next.

Perhaps it is because I am studying the story about when Jesus calms the storm in Mark that the visual imagery is my grid of thinking this week. I can relate to the big storms of life blowing in without notice, and of late, I could probably write a book about it (maybe I will). Big storms. Little storms. Long lasting storms. Short-acting storms. Life is full of them. I am just not a huge fan of storms.

Rocking and reeling and overwhelmed, we find ourselves, like the disciples, out of control. We try to bail ourselves out. We try to find a solid footing. We try to manage the boat – our boat, and meanwhile we are heaving and hoeing and getting sick to our stomachs. We feel swamped.

In the story, the disciples panic (ever do that?). Jesus is sleeping on a cushion in the stern of the boat and they wake Him, saying, “Don’t you care if I drown?”

Ugh. If I had a dollar for every time I have caught those words slithering out of my mouth. It’s humbling. We doubt God’s tender care. We forget that He is present and what He has promised us. We doubt and we fear and we panic.

Did Jesus know that the storm was going to kick-up? Of course He did. This was another opportunity for the disciples to learn about Who He was and to trust Him. Jesus goes on to calm this storm and reveals His power to them -- and to us.

Jesus may or may not calm our storms – but He is the calm in the storm, and I know that to be true. I need to remember that which I have learned from Him and about Him. Yes, I am feeling engulfed, overwhelmed, wiped out, washed over - even fearing, but I know that Jesus is present in my boat, and so instead of panicking, I’m going to reach out and grab hold of Him. Instead of frantically trying to bail, I am going to seek Him first and trust that He will help me manage the mini-storm that He has allowed in to my life, today. The one He has allowed to teach me and to strengthen me. He knows where I am at and how I am feeling, and dear reader, He knows all about you today, too. Trust Him in the storm.

Ping-Pong Pandemonium

It’s funny how sometimes it is the small things that can really get us going. I don’t understand it. Perhaps you’ve heard the old saying, “Do not major in the minors.” Well, after majoring in the majors for the past several years, sometimes even the minors were feeling like majors. Perhaps you can relate.

I was caught off guard, agitated and irritated. My heart felt like it was a ping pong ball, bouncing between the paddles of mad and sad. Ping-Pong. Ping-Pong. Back and forth. Mad-Sad. Mad-Sad. I was beginning to make myself dizzy with all the back and forth. I needed to stop the ball, and think clearly.

It’s not that the feelings were not valid – they were (are) – but they were beginning to cloud my thinking. My allowing my heart to be tossed back in forth in this fashion was not good for me. What I was experiencing was chaos of the heart, and I needed to stop.

So, how was I going to do that? (“Easier said than done, “ I moaned to myself). In order to stop the pinging and ponging, I needed to remember Who God was, and Who He has been in my life, faithfully. As I made the choice to stop and look towards Him (which actually wasn’t hard at all) God began to infuse His perspective in to my heart, by giving me a vast array of memories to remind me of Who He is. Even this coming in to my life was not something that slipped through His hand with, God saying “Whoops!” and “I’ll try to do better next time!” God knew that I would have this little minor issue, and I needed to remember that He was still good and that He still sits on His throne, in control, even in this, AND that He was using it for my benefit. Yes, I could still be sad and mad, but the pandemonium needed to stop.

Dear reader, my encouragement to you today is this. Most times, I am convinced, we just don’t know what God is up to. We fret and feel and fear and fail – but God is orchestrating everything around us, not only in our own lives, but in the lives of the people around us. Somehow, He does it perfectly and profoundly. Who knows what He may be preparing us for, or protecting us from? We may never know, but He does – and that is enough for me. For in these past years He has shown me that He is completely trustworthy. It is a struggle, though, for me to remember. Even today, the ball has stopped bouncing, but I am still practicing remembering and holding firm to the truth. OH! How I wish I had it perfected!

God is God, and we are not (thankfully). The Lord helped me to stop the ball by reminding me of Who He is and how much He loves me. When you are feeling overwrought, and your heart is feeling tossed about -- stop, call out to Him, and trust Him for every single thing, major or minor or minor feeling like major. He is faithful to love you and care for you.

PS -- Thank you, Sara, for being the Lord’s mouth piece and reminding me of some of these truths. He uses you time and time again, and I am grateful.

Stay Near to Him and Be Not Afraid

I have these "freeze frame" moments from time to time when I say something to my children. It feels as if I am in a movie, the reel stops, and God points out to me, "Did you hear that, Andrea? Remember, that's for you, too."

My baby who is six years old (and who is quick to correct me and tell me that she is NOT the baby but the little sister) and I were leaving a local department store. We hustled to the car, trying to not get too wet from the drizzle. As I went to the driver side of the car, she stopped short and went over to the passenger side. I fumbled with the keys to try and get the car open, but the door would not unlock. I called out for her thinking that she was probably getting nervous on the other side of the car.

"Mom!" she shrieked, as she ran around the back of the car, to my side. "I was scared! Why didn't you open the car door?"

I explained to her that the key fob was not working and then I reassured her, in my "freeze frame" moment, "Honey, if you would stay right near me, then you wouldn't need to be afraid."

My daughter wasn't really being terribly rebellious by going over to the other side of the car, although it wasn't the safest choice. I just think she wasn't paying attention.

I can relate to that. Sometimes, I'm just not paying attention. I wander from a conscious awareness of God's protection and love for me and then something comes up, and because I forget, I fear. I then cry out in a panic, "Where are You? What happened? Why didn't You do what I thought You were going to do?"

God talks a lot about our not being afraid in the Bible. I think it is because He knows that we tend to be, whether we like to admit it or not. We can keep on a pretty tough face, but beneath our "Rocky Balboa" exterior is a tendency to slip in to fear.

We fear all sorts of things, inside and out, little things and enormous things. We do all sorts of things to deal with our fears, some of them destructive. We don't really like to fear; we would much rather experience peace, but we forget or we don't know how to. God offers perfect peace, and His name is Jesus. He is our True Love that casts out all fear. He is the solution to the problem.

Psalm 118:6 says, "The Lord is on my side, I am not afraid!" We can confidently claim this to be true, when we are His. However, sometimes we tend to wander, forget and then we fear. Dear reader, if -- when -- you are afraid, feeling like "Where are you? What happened?" call out to Him and allow Him to comfort you and give you strength for that which He has called you to today. If we stay near Him, we need not be afraid.

Come Dear One, and Hold My Hand

Getting out of my car at the grocery store, I noticed a little girl of about four or five years old. With a teddy bear gripped in one arm, she ran through the parking lot, headed towards the store doors. Following in close pursuit, her mother called to her, “Come here, dear, right now! Hold my hand! Parking lots are dangerous. You could get hit by a car or fall and hurt yourself. Please hold on to my hand!”

Thankfully, there are no other details to my story, other than what God impressed upon my heart. There was a chance that the outcome could have been different …

Are we not like that little child sometimes? We are going from here to there, either physically, emotionally or spiritually, at a rapid rate. We try and grip all sorts of things for security (like the teddy bear), but these things do not provide for us what the Lord does. Our Father in heaven calls out to us, “Come here, dear one, I love you. Hold my hand. My hand is not a restraining one, but a loving one. It is dangerous out there. Let me guide you, protect you and lead you, safely.”

Psalm 139:10 says, “… Your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast.” God is ever present, calling to us when we walk the wrong way and try and dart out from under His love and His commands for us. He is aware of the dangers that are around us. We may be unaware, but He is ever aware.

The little child needed to slow down, listen, reach out for a loving hand and hang on, and so do we. We need to realize that our security is not from the things that we hold on to, but from the One who is willing to hold our hand. Reach out, dear reader, and grasp the strong and gentle hand of God today, for He loves you very much.

Oh! Me of Little Faith

The other day I found myself saying on more than one occasion “If it’s not one thing it’s another.” In retrospect, it’s really a silly statement, stating the more than obvious. Of course there is always something happening, and yet, we usually grumble these words when we are in series of difficulties, and not when we are experiencing joys strung together like a string of pearls.

You see, in addition to a multitude of other “issues” our cat went missing. Unfortunately, we didn’t note his absence until dusk, when it is next to impossible to spot anything in the near darkness of the night. We prayed. We made signs. We rang doorbells. We called his name (although he is not known for bounding at attention when we do so).We prayed some more. We walked around the block with a flashlight. We crawled behind bushes. Eventually, the darkness of the night closed in around us and we went indoors to wait it out.

My oldest daughter placed food and a kennel on the back porch, and we began to formulate our plan for the night. Who would sleep on the floor next to the screen door, available for the cat’s hopeful return? How would we fit at least five people on the kitchen rug, and who was willing to extend in to the family room? What if he didn’t return? When would we call the Humane Society? Should we leave the food indoors or outdoors? Would a wild animal eat the food?

And then out of nowhere, we heard a “meow” and there he was, standing by the screen door.

“Oh, you of little faith” was the first thing that popped in to my mind, and I immediately developed a pit in my heart that sprouted forth with disappointment in my lack of faith; I was humbled. I had prayed for the cat’s return, but not whole heartily. No sooner did we realize the cat was gone that the “what if’s” marched right in and set up camp. There they quickly unpacked, got out the artillery and were ready and armed to wage war against my faith, and they seemed to be winning.

I forgot and feared, when I need to remember and rely. I was afraid. I was flooded with memories of other times when I had prayed for one thing, and God had given me another. What I forgot was that when God had said “no” to a prayer, He had something different in mind and He was not going to leave me alone, unequipped of His grace to handle it.

Dear reader, perhaps you have experienced a similar wavering in your faith, either in a small way or a large one. In the gospels I see Jesus interacting with those who love Him, during challenging times, and I hear Him saying to them, “Oh, you of little faith!” This statement from Jesus usually came right after the disciples had witnessed a miracle like the feeding of the five thousand. Phew! I am not alone! In the book of Mark (9:22-24) Mark shares the story of man who is pleading with Jesus to heal his son. The father said, “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Jesus responds with, “’If you can?’ Everything is possible for him who believes.” Immediately the father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” The father had belief and unbelief present at the same time.

The cat showed up within the hour of when our search started. Although my faith at that moment was weak, God chose to have the cat return. However, I think God had something bigger to show me – my unbelief. I’m not sure I totally understand it, but I am convicted of it, and humbled by it. Somehow, I too, have belief and yet, unbelief.

And so tonight, and I am sure for days to come, my prayer is: Dear Lord, please help me with my unbelief. I love you and want to follow you. Whether it is one thing, or another, help me to remember what You have done for me and help me to rely on You.

Rescued ...

Unexpectedly, we found the chrysalis that was attached to a thin branch of milkweed (usually they attach to the grate at the top of the container) laying on the bottom of our butterfly habitat. Clinging to the remnant of the branch that stuck out of the cup was a big, fat Monarch caterpillar. It had eaten the branch, resulting in the downward demise of this chrysalis that was in the process of changing and preparing to emerge as a butterfly.

Every summer for the past 10 years, the children and I search for Monarch caterpillars and raise them until they are butterflies, tending to their insatiable need for milkweed by providing a fresh supply every day. It is a beautiful process from baby caterpillar (sometimes even from egg) to mature butterfly. Once the butterfly emerges, we set it free and enjoy its beauty.

But what was to become of this budding butterfly? It's tender chrysalis lay helpless and detached on the floor of the habitat. My oldest daughter and I decided we would swoop in for the rescue. She gently removed the chrysalis, holding on to the thin branch, and I tied on a piece of sewing thread, securing it to the top of the cage. There it has hung, waiting to have life. Today we can see the orange and black wings beginning to appear inside. It looks as if the rescue attempt has been successful.

Sometimes when we are in the process of changing and emerging on our journey with the Lord, something happens that throws us off. Either from fears within or difficult circumstances from without, we find ourselves falling to the ground. We can believe lies that we learned along the bumpy road of life or we are affected by outside situations that hurt our hearts. These are "enemies" that besiege us and challenge us as we seek the Lord and desire to be more like Him.

Like the Psalmist we may cry out "Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you" (Psalm 143:9). For whatever reasons, and I am sure, dear reader there are many, we may feel that we are in need of rescuing. We know that we cannot do it on our own, at all. We cannot even pick ourselves up and go on, just like this little chrysalis. To me, God's rescuing power is mysterious. Sometimes I doubt it, and certainly sometimes, I do not even see it. I think that God is far off and rather, He is near. I think that He has chosen not to answer me or ignore my cries, but then I learn later that He has indeed rescued me from something that I would have never imagined.

The big old caterpillar came and ate the branch in which the chrysalis clung, and the chrysalis lost its place and security. Sometimes that happens to us as well. We are in the midst of being transformed and growing, and we are cut off by something unexpected. Call out to the Lord and seek His way. He is faithful to reach down, grab hold of you and secure you to a place where you will continue to grow, being transformed in to the beautiful being that He intends for you to be.

A "Swimming Lessons" Lesson

I heard the enthusiastic swim instructor's voice bounce off the water, “Now we are going to work on our Elementary Back Stroke.”

I did not need to hear my youngest daughter’s voice. Her face and body language said it all. Across the pool, I could distinguish tears from pool water, running down her face. Her brow was furrowed, her shoulders hunched and her hands cupped and lifted up out the water. She was sure to be saying “But I don’t know how to do that stroke!”

The instructor, with a tender smile and a hug, gently plucked her out of the pool and placed her on the rim. She demonstrated to my daughter how to move her arms and legs. My daughter’s strain melted into a smile, as she jumped in to the pool to try it for herself, and all was well again in Level 3 swim lessons at our local pool.

I don’t know about you, but I can relate to how my daughter felt. I’m going along, listening to the Lord, working on whatever He has for me for the moment, and then I find myself up against something that I have no idea how to handle. I cry out “Help! But I don’t know how to do this new challenge!” There are challenges like holding on to a slippery hope, or speaking the truth even when the other person is not willing to listen, or believing that God has a future for me, when it seems as if all looks like a murky abyss, or dealing with memories that had been put aside, only to now, again rear their heinous head.

“Help, God! I don’t know how to do this one! I've been working hard on these other issues, but I wasn’t expecting this one, and now what do I do!”

And then with the gentleness that only God possesses, He lifts us up and sets us down, and begins to teach us the way in which we can handle the challenge before us. When we seek Him, we will find the way, and He will show us. This I know to be true. It is part of my story with God that I can attest to, but when I am caught off guard, I have to stop and even remind myself.

My two older kids are at camp this week. I was trying to memorize the verse that they were working on yesterday, when I witnessed this little interaction with my daughter and her swim instructor – evidence of God at work, again.

Jeremiah 6:16 says, (when you don’t know what to do …) “This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Dear reader, are you at a crossroads? Have you come upon a time of choice and decision? Are you faced with a new dilemma or a reminder of an old one that you need to process through and deal with? This is what the Lord says, seek Him. Seek Him in prayer. Seek Him through His Word, the Bible. Seek Him through the wisdom of those who also love Him. Stand and look around and ask Him to show you the path of truth that you are to walk in. His path is the “tried and true” way. It is the good way.

God will show you, and when He does, He asks us to walk in the way that He reveals to us. It was scary for my daughter to have to jump back in the water and try the “new” stroke that her teacher taught her. It can be scary for us to step out and do what God is asking us to do as well, but He is faithful and it is in seeking and obeying Him that we will find rest for our souls. That’s a promise.

Afraid of the Dark?

Today was "D-Day" for my 10 year old son and me -- "Drop off at camp for the first time - Day. We both woke up early this morning. I intended to spend my time with the Lord on the screen porch. He was just excited/nervous, and couldn't sleep. I guess I was, too.

We sat down, together, and gazed outside. Other than the sounds of morning birds, silence occupied our space. I could tell he was thinking. I was just watching him, waiting to hear about what was on his mind.

"Mom, isn't there a verse about darkness not really being dark to God. Something about darkness being like light to Him?" he asked.

"Are you concerned about night time at camp?" I queried, as I picked up my bible and hunted through the concordance.

We looked through several verses, and He chose Psalm 139:12 which says"...even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You." We talked about how God created light, and how out of the darkness that covered the earth God brought everything in to being; He had power over all darkness. The dark is nothing to Him. God sees everything, and nothing can be hid from Him. Even in the dark, in a cabin at a camp, there was nothing that God isn't taking care of, and He is right there.

Dear reader, I don't know about you but I may not as afraid of the dark at night anymore, but I can fear the darkness of my circumstances. It feels as if I can get lost in it. I can't always see very far in front of me. Like a little child who does not know what is around the corner in the dark, I can fear things. The dark can make me feel alone and isolated. It can be scary, full of uncertainties.

When I am walking through a time of darkness, I am reassured that God sees all and that He is working amidst it. Psalm 18:28 says that He turns our darkness in to light. I do not need to feel alone. He is always near, even when others can not be. He is using this time of darkness to teach me things that I need to know about Him and about myself, thus transforming my darkness in to light.

God is always present, always working. As I finally go to bed tonite, I am thinking of my little guy and hoping that He is comforted and made strong by a realization of God's presence in His life. He need not fear (and nor should I), for God is always with him, wherever He goes. When I can not hold His hand, God always is. I pray that he will not fear the dark, not just tonite but always, and trust in the One who is the Light.

"He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not." We Need Not Doubt

I really do know better, but sometimes I find myself doubting God's love for me. How about you? Sometimes I am like a little girl, with a daisy gripped in my hand, plucking off petal after petal, questioning whether "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not."

I don't like to admit it. I'd rather say I am always completely confident, but trials and turmoil in life happen and I am tempted to wonder and doubt. So, why do we doubt God's love for us?

Are we afraid? Has our courage melted and we think that perhaps God's love has dissipated along with our courage? Do we fear that it may not be true?

Do we forget what God has done for us, either because we are too busy or we do not hold on to the truth of His love? Like the Israelites after being led out of Egypt, do we forget what God has rescued us from?

Do we doubt it because of our shame? Do we let the sinful experiences of our past or present stand in the way, blocking our view of who God really is and how much He loves us, despite what we have done? Do condemn ourselves when Jesus is offering us life and love?

Or are we ignorant? Do we simply not know, perhaps because we have not looked around us? Are our hearts hardened causing us not to believe and thus turning our backs on Him? Do we go our own way, and in the process, we squander precious His love?

Does our pain hold us back from believing that God loves us through and amidst the hurt that we feel? Have other people hurt us and now it is too great for us to believe that God truly loves us when others have not loved us well? Have we been betrayed, belittled, left behind, tossed out of some one's heart, and we can't believe that God has a heart for us?

There are lots of reasons that we doubt His love, but the truth is that God does love us with an unfailing love. "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent his one and only Son in to the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).

God has come and has shown His love for us. He seeks to save the parts of our hearts that doubt His love due to our fears, forgetfulness, shame, ignorance, hardness and hurts. He reaches out and shows us His love through His Word and through our circumstances.

Isaiah 54:10 says, "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you."

Regardless of what the daisy of childhood may have told us or is telling us, and regardless of what the enemy of our souls is whispering to us (or screaming to us!) we need to believe what God’s Word tells us, to be true. And if we are willing to look at the experiences that God has given us, we will see how He is actively expressing His love for us. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us. We need not doubt.

A Bruised Reed He Will Not Break

I walked along the edge of the lake in shin high water. My toes flexed in to the sand and left foot prints that soon melted and were gone. The water lapped along the shore with a rhythmic beat and the sun reflected little sprinkles of light across the waves. I wandered along thinking of what was transpiring in my life, what God was doing and what it meant to trust in Him. I was feeling tired and discouraged.

I noticed a small patch of reeds along the shore Some of the reeds appeared strong and reaching upward, swaying freely in the light breeze, but a few were bent over. They were still green and alive, but they were not upright. The patch of reeds was not present the year before; the water was too shallow, and the reeds did not grow unless they were firmly footed below the water. The verse from Isaiah 42:3 came to my mind. "A bruised reed He will not break, and a smouldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice" (NIV).

The bruised reed and smouldering wick represent those who are weary and in need of strength. The bruised reed symbolizes someone who has been damaged by something in its environment, and is feeling bent down and unable to carry the burdens. The smouldering wick symbolizes someone whose inner strength is diminishing, feeling as if they are lacking hope and resisting giving up.

In some sense, we are all bruised and smouldering. The effects of sin have taken their toll. We are all fragile and vulnerable to the world around us. Some of us can hide them better. We have become very good at it after years of having to do so. Sometimes, there is no hiding. It is open for all to see, and we may now have the added burden of shame weighing us down.

Dear reader, have you been bruised? Are you weak and burdened by the trials and pain of this world? Are you feeling damaged, like a reed who is still alive, but has been bent over by the winds and storms? Is your passion smouldering? Are you feeling like you are lacking hope? Are you discouraged, wounded, disappointed, dismayed, or afraid?

Choose Jesus. He will not break you, but restore you to a full life with Him. He will not allow your hope to be extinguished, but will fan in to flame your hope and allow it to burn brightly in a very dark world, where His light is so desperately needed to illuminate the way for others who are hurting. When your heart is set firm in the One who is the Living Water, you can believe that He will, one day, right all the wrongs and all will be well.

The hard part is that we do not always know what that will look like. We may have desires for one thing, but Jesus knows that it is another that is right for us. We must trust, though, that He holds all justice in His hands and knows just what He is doing.

Take heart, dear reader. You are cared for and loved by a powerful God, and yet, nothing escapes His tender care. Your brokenness and weariness matter to Him. Allow Him to lift your downcast face and turn it to Himself. Trust Him. He is faithful.