Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A Restless Night ...

I could not sleep. I could not rest.

2:33 AM. 3:07 AM.  3:37 AM. The bright red numbers on my alarm clock raged at me.

I tossed. I turned.

I laid there, painfully awake, thinking of all the things I needed to do today.

Before long, other thoughts flowed fast in the night.

My worries. My fears. My sorrows.  There were lots of them.  Many more than I care to admit.

I tried to pray them away.

Photos of friends and family members, even people I did not know, flashed through my mind.

I tried to turn each one in to prayer.

And then, without invitation, insecurities inserted themselves.

I have no purpose. I am a waste of time. I am forgotten. I am a mess.

I briefly considered the lies. Darkness distorts truth, but the light dispels darkness and I knew what I needed to do.

I threw on a sweatshirt over my pajamas, made my way to the kitchen, made a cup of decaf tea doused with honey and plopped down at my desk.

I read through my devotionals, pondered His Truths and fixed my eyes on the One who I knew, knew me.

And I asked Him to help me to rest in Him and help me to cast my cares (and the cares of those He loves) upon Him -- no matter what -- trusting that He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Why was I up early? I’m still not sure. Maybe it was to pray for someone who needed it and maybe it was for more to see more of Him.

I have no idea what today holds, but He does.  I will admit, I fear a bit for why I was awake and what that may mean as I step in to this day, but I am clinging to this -- He started my day, by reminding me that regardless of the tossing and turning of this life, I can find rest in Him, because He truly -- really -- cares for me and He cares for you.

1 comment:

Audrey's mom said...

Good morning. I hope your focus for this day continues and thank you for using your time to pray for so many!

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