I could not sleep. I could not rest.
2:33 AM. 3:07 AM. 3:37 AM. The bright red numbers on my alarm clock raged at me.
I tossed. I turned.
I laid there, painfully awake, thinking of all the things I needed to do today.
Before long, other thoughts flowed fast in the night.
My worries. My fears. My sorrows. There were lots of them. Many more than I care to admit.
I tried to pray them away.
Photos of friends and family members, even people I did not know, flashed through my mind.
I tried to turn each one in to prayer.
And then, without invitation, insecurities inserted themselves.
I have no purpose. I am a waste of time. I am forgotten. I am a mess.
I briefly considered the lies. Darkness distorts truth, but the light dispels darkness and I knew what I needed to do.
I threw on a sweatshirt over my pajamas, made my way to the kitchen, made a cup of decaf tea doused with honey and plopped down at my desk.
I read through my devotionals, pondered His Truths and fixed my eyes on the One who I knew, knew me.
And I asked Him to help me to rest in Him and help me to cast my cares (and the cares of those He loves) upon Him -- no matter what -- trusting that He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).
Why was I up early? I’m still not sure. Maybe it was to pray for someone who needed it and maybe it was for more to see more of Him.
I have no idea what today holds, but He does. I will admit, I fear a bit for why I was awake and what that may mean as I step in to this day, but I am clinging to this -- He started my day, by reminding me that regardless of the tossing and turning of this life, I can find rest in Him, because He truly -- really -- cares for me and He cares for you.