"I Don't Know How to Trust You in This, Lord!"

waltz-shutterstock_38230588.jpg

I'll cut right to it -- I've been worrying. Yes, worrying.

I'll spare the details for now, but I am worrying about my oldest son. He's my boy (a young adult, actually) with Cerebral Palsy. He's struggling, and I probably don't have to tell you, so am I.

For days and weeks, the heart cry that continually wells up from deep within my soul is this --

"I don't know how to trust You in this, Lord!"

The thing is, I get that we are to trust the Lord. I've heard it said, I've read about it, and I've even taught about trusting Him.  He's clear as to what we are to do.  We are to trust Him and Him alone.

But what does it look like for me today? What does it really look like to trust Him in a particularly painful situation?

Maybe you're asking yourself that question.

Maybe you're in a dark place, a difficult place, a deeply uncertain place, a broken dream place.

Maybe your marriage is failing and your heart is breaking. Maybe your child is suffering and you are bewildered as to what to do next.  Maybe you are experiencing a conflict in a relationship and are unable to come to a resolution. Maybe you are hurting physically, and there is no relief for your pain. Maybe you feel lost and loneliness permeates your days.

And perhaps you, too, are asking "What does it look like to trust You, Lord?"

I wish there were easy answers, quick answers, simple 'cookie cutter' answers.  I wish there were 'one-size fits all, pull off the shelf, slip on and go' answers. I wish there were 'clear margined' answers. I wish there were 'one-stop-shopping' answers, or 'drive-through for fast food' answers.  

More and more, I'm finding that it is not so.

And to make it more complicated, lately, I've been asking (pleading) and it seems as if the Lord's been silent.

Until this week.

In what seems like the millionth time of asking for something, He gave me a thought, something to imagine, a place to focus and remember.

When I don't know what to do, and uncertainty washes over me, like one wave after another, He gave me a picture -- a picture of Him dancing with me. 

"Come waltz with Me," I felt Him say as He pressed close to my heart.  And in my mind, I saw Him wrap His strong arm around my weary waist and His mighty, gentle hand grab hold of mine.

"Look in to my eyes, my dear one, and dance with Me.  One-two-three. One-two-three. One-two-three."

"This is what trusting Me looks like for you, right now."

"Do not look down at your own feet. Look at Me.  Feel My warm embrace.  Feel My love for you. Stay focused on Me, then when I move, you will move, to the right and the left and the front and the back.  When I pause, you will pause.  Follow my lead."

And, so, I've been picturing myself with Him. I am conscious of His warm embrace around my waist and His Holy Hand, holding me firm. I am gazing at Him -- only Him -- and I am moving with Him.

It's what trusting Him looks like for me today, in this time that He has made for me.

I'm not sure what He is doing or where He is going, but I am certain that no matter the trial or trouble or tear drenched difficulty, I am held secure in His loving arms.

Tomorrow, it may look different, as to how to trust Him.

But today, I am leaning in to His love and waltzing with Him.

What about you?  Do you ever struggle with what trusting the Lord actually looks like? How has He shown you?