Today, I am worn out and depleted.
Bone dry and desert weary. Hollowed out. Sensitive to the touch. Weak and feeling frail.
I pulled my hair up in to a ponytail and threw on a sweatshirt, ran the kids to school and came home to clean.
I half-heartedly cried out to the Lord, “I need you, Lord! Please help me.”
I checked emails and checked Facebook, instead of checking in with Him first.
I scrolled through postings, when my eye landed on a little sticky-note shaped quote that read -- “It’s not about you.”
What? This did not feel like help from the Holy One.
“Yes, Lord, I know it’s not about me. I’m sorry. I just meant that I could really use some …”
My thoughts drifted off. Probably should be stronger. Probably should be more faith-filled. Probably should be more content. Probably should be peppier. Probably should not ask. Probably should not be so needy. Probably should not be so self-focused. Probably should not be so pathetic. Probably should not be so weak. Probably should not be so … anything.
The “should and should nots” shrouded me in shame.
I felt worse and worse, until I felt Him.
“My dearly beloved, relax. Rest. It’s not about you, but it’s for you. I AM for you.”
A soft sigh breathed from my heart.
I know it's not all about me. I know it's really all about Him. However, sometimes I get confused and think that means He's not for me.
As the cloths of shame unravelled and fell at my feet, He replaced them with wrappings of remembrance -- remembrance of who He is, how much He loves and cares for me, and how dear I am to Him.
I'm gradually coming back to life, and trying to get a grip on why I am so depleted and worn out.
I'm still short on answers, and feeling like I have very little to give, but somehow, I don’t think He’s looking for that from me -- today.
I think He may be just looking for me to just look at Him.