Today, I feel weary and worn.
I slept well, ate breakfast, had my usual cup (or three) of coffee and spent some time with the Lord, but I am still weary and worn..
At this very moment, I am studying for a series I am teaching on in the fall, on the Book of Esther, looking at the Providence of God. I am working hard, praying hard, to get a grasp on something that seems ungraspable.
I have my books laid out on my counter and my heart spread out alongside of them. As I page through pages, I turn thoughts of the reality of life over and over in my mind. I am looking through His story and my story, together. I am thinking about the circumstances of today and yesterday and a thousand days before.
Truth is, it’s not the studying that has me weary and worn, it’s the brokenness of life, made even more intense as I try and understand who God is and how He is at work and what my part is, in it all.
How can I understand God’s care and direction in my life along with the reality of the brokenness of my life?
For those of you who know me, you know that I tend to have more questions than answers, and today, I am no different.
I'm asking myself, and the Lord -- Why does God allow some things to happen and not others? Why do the wicked prosper? Why is He often times silent? How does He work all things for His glory and for our good? Couldn’t He do it differently? Why doesn’t He do it differently? What does His care look like? How is He directing me, and am I hearing His voice clearly? Am I hearing Him at all?
Sometimes, I'm not sure if I just wear myself out asking so many questions or if life does!
Either way, I am weary and worn, and bringing that to the Lord today.
Three friends sent me this song over the past three weeks. They know my heart well.
Sharing it with you all, as a prayer. May the Lord deliver hope to you through it.