A defining moment -- that’s what my friend calls it.
I called her out of the blue last week, regarding a totally unrelated subject. One thing led to another, and she relayed a story to me about how years ago, she found her self, although a Christian for along time, face to face with whether she was going to trust God or not, during a difficult time.
“I would begin to worry about the situation, but each time, I said, 'NO! – I am going to stop worrying and trust God.' It took time and it was work, but little by little I learned more of what it meant to trust the Lord and I began to see Him work, in ways I never thought possible. It was a defining moment for me.”
Defining moments. I get that. I can think of a few over the years. Sometimes, they are really big and other times, they are smaller, but none-the-less, defining.
Last week, unexpectedly, I found myself glaring at one of these faith defining moments.
I’m not totally surprised. In the back of my head, I figured something would happen, as I prepare to speak on Rahab this week, with a focus on Who God is and what faith is.
I’ve been rolling the idea of “faith” over and over again in my head. What is it? What is it not? What does it all mean?
Whenever I teach it seems that I find myself asking more questions than finding answers.
And almost always, I get the test.
I study. I learn. I pray. I write.
And then somehow, someway in the most unusual ways something happens, and I feel the Lord push in to my seeking heart and say, “Now, my dear loved one, let’s see how you are doing with this lesson that you are learning and perched to teach about.”
And so this past week, I find myself asking, “Where is your faith, Andrea?”
I come up dry, after I wipe the tears of my disappointing unbelief away. I pour my heart out to the Lord and ask Him to help me with this unbelief. I shrink back at the fact that perhaps my faith is more frail, more fragile than I thought.
I listen to my friend. She knows. The Lord uses her.
I take a deep breath and ask Him to show me. I feel His hand of comfort on the small of my back. I am directed by Him. I choose to trust His Word. He ushers me in to the great Hall of Faith, Hebrews 11, points to verse 1 and reminds me of this:
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
I sigh, again.
Faith defining moments – as hard as they are, either over minutes or hours or days or years, they keep me focused on the One who Loves me and strengthen me.
And I find myself in a familiar place clinging to what I know is true, regardless of what things may look like, now or in the future, sure of Him and certain of His love for me.