FYI -- I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with Recipes

Can I just tell you?  I have a love/hate relationship with recipes.  Let me explain.

I love to bake.  I love the way it all works out.  The reading of the recipe, the careful measuring out of the appropriate amounts of this and that, the baking for just the right amount of prescribed time, and perhaps especially, the end result. 

My mom always said, "If you can read, you can follow a recipe with success."

That's the other thing I like -- success.

But, I also hate recipes. Specifically, I hate (and yes, I know hate is a strong word) -- I hate parenting recipes.  And they're really starting to wear on me.

I hate parenting recipes that tell us if we discipline in a certain way and pray in particular ways and have enough faith, and take all the right 'seven steps' , then -- tra-la! -- out of the oven of our efforts, we will joyfully produce a perfect cake of character in our kids.

Sigh.  I wish there really was an easy, fool-proof recipe, for raising kids.

Can I be authentic with you?  I used to think if I did everything right my kids would turn out right, and they wouldn't be tempted to do bad things or have bad attitudes or _______, you fill in the blank.  Perhaps, you know what I mean.

I knew that perfection wasn't possible, but I did hope that if I did what the experts said to do, I would not fear for their futures, or wrestle with rebellion or stay up late wondering if they were making good choices or bad choices, or ever worry about them again.

And through the years, (and my kids now range from 10 years old to 20 years old -- all 5 of them), I read books (okay, devoured books) on what to do and what not to do as a mom. I attended conferences for moms, listened to radio shows, and talked to people who I believed knew what they were doing.  I prayed and I loved and I disciplined and read devotionals and God's Word to them, 
and ...

I was pretty much convinced that when my children were 6 months old and 2 years old and 4 years old and 8 years old and even 13 years old, that if I did everything according to the perfect parenting recipe -- I'd be good as gold, and so would they.  In those days, I may not have admitted to thinking this way -- but I did.

Insert:  reality.
Insert: their own free will.
Insert: God's story for them.
Insert: recipes and formulas don't always work. 

Cakes don't always rise evenly.  Cookies don't always taste good.  Soufflés don't always fluff up nicely, but sometimes -- they fall.

And so do our kids -- just like we do.

Sometimes, no matter what we do and how much we pray and how many Bible verses we pour over and into our kids, they still make choices we wish they wouldn't and they struggle.

And it's hard.

It's hard to know that despite our best efforts and intentions and parenting techniques and ability read multiple helpful, well-meaning books on parenting, sometimes, it's not all about us, or what we do right, but about what God is doing.

Double sigh.

Sometimes, God has a different story.  

A story for His glory.

And I'd rather THOSE stories NOT be written for my kids.  I'd like His glory to be reflected in sweet stories, not sour, painful, suffering, maybe even sinful ones.

Bottom line thought for today, the best I can do with and for my kids, is trust God.  Yes, I am to do my best.  Raise them according to His ways. Pray for them. Pray with them.  Guide them.  Love them.  Discipline them. Pour truth in to them.

But most importantly, I need to trust God -- trust them to God.

I wish parenting was an easy "follow the formula -- read the recipe" kind of

job.  Boy, do I ever.  I wish it took a cup of this and a tablespoon of that, and a wish and prayer, to make the perfect character cake in my kids.

But it's not an easy formula or recipe.

And truth is, if it was,  then who would need Jesus?  I sure wouldn't, and perhaps, neither would they.

The Endless Sea of Lonely

This is for my friends whom I love dearly, and for those readers who I do not know, who hurt deep down in their souls --  for those who know the loneliness of grief, of broken relationships, of sorrow, of shame, of chronic pain. I hope this speaks to your heart.  The Lord knows who you are and what you need -- take heart, He loves you.

The Endless Sea of Lonely

Waves wash over me,

Wetting my soul with sorrow.

They leave me cool and quiet.

On the endless sea of lonely.

Eyes cry dry,

Every ounce of me is worn and weary.

I sit in silence.

On the endless sea of lonely.

Outwardly, I look fine.

Dressed, not stressed, refreshed.

But inside, I am laboring and lost.

On the endless sea of lonely.

Memories mix together,

Of days of joy and days of pain.

Times past swirl with fears of tomorrow.

On the endless sea of lonely.

I sit in solitude, in a crowd of chaos.

Inward shame shouts loud,

My ears numbed by outward noise.

On the endless sea of lonely.

Hopeless, helpless,

I feel tossed, holding on tightly to the edge.

Bracing myself for more nothingness.

On the endless sea of lonely.

Stomach unsettled, breathing shallow

Arms weaken, legs tire.

Heart hurts with hollow pain.

On the endless sea of lonely.

And then one day, a change.

Light shines out from the shore.

A whisper reaches me, softly, gently.

Hope calls my name.

On the endless sea of lonely.

And then hope comes, it runs.

In the form of love,

It steps inside, beside, resides.

On the endless sea of lonely.

It is He,

Simply, silently He breathes.

“I love you and am here for you,

On your endless sea of lonely.”

“Life will be hard, and sorrow-filled.

But I am yours and you are Mine.

It is Jesus. It is Me.

Always, forever, unfailingly.”

(Several months ago, I wrote this poem to a writing prompt, on a writing website, Faithwriters. The word was lonely.)

Not 'If' but "What' -- My Honest Struggle with God's Faithfulness

I'm not particularly proud of it, and actually, even a bit embarrassed and disappointed in myself.  I wish that I was more godly or more certain, but today, and in the days surrounding today, I'm not.  I'm struggling, specifically, with God's faithfulness.

My challenge, though, isn't so much with if God is faithful. I really, truly, believe He is. He says He is, and I take Him for His Word.

It's the 'what' that has me wrestling.  What does His -- will His -- faithfulness look like today and tomorrow and into a thousand tomorrows? 

That's the part I'm not sure about, and well, I'm worrying about.

It's like there is a huge chasm between my belief that God is faithful and my embracing the hard-core, real life circumstances of what His faithfulness actually looks like.

Historically, January is a difficult month for me.  Twenty years ago, our oldest child was born prematurely and eventually diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.  And although I will tell you that I have seen God's faithfulness along the way, from where I'm standing today, I'm struggling with fearing what His faithfulness may look like for all the tomorrows.

I have friends struggling with the same question.  If God is faithful (and He is), what might that faithfulness look like, and what is His faithfulness when ______________?

What does God's faithfulness look like in a marriage that is suffering?  We claim His faithfulness when a marriage is restored, but is He any less faithful when the marriage struggles for years or falls apart?

What does God's faithfulness look like in a difficult and debilitating health situation that is not healed?

What does God's faithfulness look like in mental illness, when it is untreatable and the person struggles in and out of depression and anxiety for the rest of their lives?

What does God's faithfulness look like in the life of a child who walks away from the Lord?

What does God's faithfulness look like amidst people's wrong decisions that ripple out hurtful consequences, harming other people?

And, it's not just 'what may His faithfulness look like,' that weighs on me today, but the 'how then' that overwhelms me.

How then will I live in light of His faithfulness?

How then will I handle His faithfulness, when it doesn't look like faithfulness to me?

Questions and more questions echo off the walls of this chasm between what I believe and what it looks like to embrace the outcome of God's faithfulness.

And the echo seems to get louder and louder each day.

I'm not looking for pity or judgement (please don't do that to me), just sharing with you my honest questions.  Maybe you have them, too, in which case, come walk with me.  You are not alone. We can look for the Lord together.

Or maybe you've walked where I'm walking, and are now further down the road than I.  Please call back to me and tell me that even if everything isn't 'okay,' I'll be okay.  I know it's true in my head, but my heart is struggling to find rest.

He Came

From all outward appearances, it was just an ordinary night.  Shepherds slipped on their  cloaks, grabbed their staffs and went to work, out in the fields. Sheep grazed.   Innkeepers kept busy, filling rooms to capacity and turning away those who he could not accommodate.  Mary and Joseph travelled busy roads, with a throng of others, doing what they were ordered to do -- register for the census.  Cows mooed and donkeys brayed and they ate their food out of the manger trough, just like they did every day.  Dogs barked and kitties purred and mothers tucked their children in to bed. The stars twinkled, breaking through the backdrop of the night sky.  The wind blew.

People talked and walked and worried and laughed and cried and wondered about their lives.

It was just another night, following just another day, in the middle of just another week, part of just another year.

And then He came, unexpectedly -- at least from most of man's point of view -- in to the cold, dark, hurting, world.

He came.

He came for the lonely and the busy and the preoccupied and the forgotten.

He came for the the angry and bitter and unforgiving, and for the unforgiven.

He came for those who hurt and those who hurt others.

He came for those who lost loved ones and those who were lost themselves.

He came for those who wanted to give up hope or give up everything.

He came for the less-than-perfect and for those who thought they were perfect.

He came for those who were looking for Him and for those who never even gave Him a second -- or first -- thought.

He came for those who strived to please God and for those who thought they were so far gone that it would never be possible, anyway.

He came for those who made mistakes and for those who believed they were a mistake.

He came for the miserable and the meek.

He came for those who looked to have their act together and for those who never acted as they should.

He came for those who were broken and bleeding and brought chaos wherever they walked.

He came for the ill and the broken and the broken-hearted.

He came for those who were abused and confused and refused to believe.

He came for the neglected and the negligent.

He came for the weary and the wealthy and the poor.

He came for the restless and the resentful and for those who resisted love.

He came for those who felt purposeless and plain.

He came for the orphaned and the fatherless and the heartless and the helpless.

He came for the disabled and the abled.

He came for the ones who could not sleep because of their choices, and for those who could not get out of bed, for the same reasons.

He came for all people, all shapes, all sizes, all sorrows, all sins.

He came for people from the past and the present and the future, and for you and for me.

Sometimes I forget it, neglect it, don't believe it ~ I forget that Jesus came. When I am weary or lonely or stretched thin in the trials that the Lord allows in my life ~ I forget Jesus came.  When I feel restless or ordinary or useless or like giving up ~ I forget Jesus came.

I forget or neglect or don't believe, that He came for me, so that when I am hurting and hopeless, and even when all is well, I can have hope and rest and peace in Him.

Dear reader, wherever you are today, on this Eve of Christmas, whether in warm or cold weather, whether surrounded by loved ones or all alone, whether filled with excitement and joyful anticipation of Christmas or not feeling festive at all, remember ~ Jesus came.

He came, because He loves you.  Say 'yes' to Him, today. Allow Him to show you how His coming made all the difference in the world, and still does today. And take a moment to thank Him and take a moment to tell someone else, "He came."

Blessed Christmas, dear ones.

The Coveted Life Saver Story Book

It was the early 1970's. For several years, shortly after Thanksgiving, as the teacher announced the great Christmas gift exchange, visions of Life Saver Story books began to dance through my head.

I pictured myself holding the rectangular, firm cardboard book between my hands and opening it up, setting my star-struck eyes on the delightful contents.  I imagined the neat rows of side-by-side Life Savers, in their colorful packages, stacked one on top of the other.  And if I really focused, I could even smell the cherry, lime and orate scents of the individual Life Savers, as my mouth watered.  Ahhh. Sigh.

I don't what exactly what it was about the wonder of rolls of Life Savers, bound in a book, but all I knew is that it was the greatest gift garnered at the grace school Christmas gift exchange.  At least, it was for me.  How sweet it would be to have my very own supply of Life Savers to relish in my room, throughout the Christmas season!

Here's how the gift exchange worked.

Each student brought in a gift with their name scratched in the 'FROM' space, leaving the 'TO' space specifying if it was to a girl, if you were a girl, or a boy, if you were a boy.  We didn't pick names, but rather were to buy a generic gift -- a gift everyone would like.  I suppose the teacher did it this way to prevent someone from getting a downer of a gift if someone who didn't like them, picked their name.

The gifts were brought in the week of the Christmas party, and placed under the small tree in our classroom.  Slowly but surely, brightly colored packages of all sorts accumulated under the tree, waiting for the big day.

I knew the shape, the size, the detailed dimensions.  And I didn't have to imagine smelling effervescent fruity scents; I was pretty sure I could smell them, through any thickness of wrapping paper, as the gift entered the classroom.  I kept a very close eye on the tree and it's growing pile of gifts. I watched to see who brought what and hoped beyond hope that I'd be the lucky recipient of the Life Saver Story Book.  Spotting more than one of the coveted cardboard books under the tree added to my joy, and some years, the odds seemed to be in my favor.

On the day of the party, the teacher sent us out for recess, right before the celebration. Oh, how the excitement mounted, as we stood frozen outside on the playground, waiting and wondering.

I remember coming in, chilled with goose bumps percolating beneath my skin.  I'm not sure if they were from the cold or my eager anticipation that it would be my special day.

I didn't care about the cookies or the Kool-Aid, all I wanted to know was -- would this be my year to get the Life Saver Story Book? Finally?

I slipped off my coat and held my breath as I slowly walked through the door, savoring every moment. While were were out, I knew the teacher would have set a present on each of our desks.  I don't know why she did it that way, other than maybe she didn't have to deal with kids trying to influence her or maybe there were never quite enough gifts, so she could pull a few extras out of her desk drawer, to cover for the ones who couldn't afford to participate that year. No student left behind when it came to the Christmas party gift exchange.

I tried to contain my excitement, while trying to brace myself for disappointment.

Rounding the corner of the door frame, my eyes drifted across the room and settled on my desk.

And each year, my heart fell.

Resting on my desk was a different gift than I imagined -- a smaller one or a bigger one or a softly wrapped, oddly shaped package.  And each year, I can remember forcing a smile, sitting down and opening the gift that was chosen for me, by my teacher.

I didn't want to hurt any one's feelings, surely not the person who picked out what was on my desk, or possibly offend their mother, who more than likely was the one who went to the store and picked it out.

I tried not to look around the room to see who got the gift I wanted. I tried hard not to be jealous; it was really hard.

I never did get the Lifesaver Story Book. I'm not complaining or dwelling on dashed dreams of the past.  Really, I've gotten over it, but every year when I see them on the store shelves I think of those days when the great gift exchange consumed my Christmas thoughts and my heart had to find contentment in what I was given.

I some ways, it's not so different today.  We hope for one thing, and sometimes, get another.  My heart no longer is set on material things, but rather less tangible, more valuable desires, like peace and joy and relief from stress. And some days, I still sit down and try and smile seeking to find contentment in what the Lord has given.

The reality is that we may not always receive the things we want at Christmas, but we have been given the most precious gift of all -- Jesus.  My heart still yearns, but it now finds restful satisfaction in Him -- let's face it, the One and Only Life Saver, in the "sweetest story ever told."

What did you wish for as a child?

And the Winner in the Compass Bible Give-Away is --

Thank you to all who entered the Compass Study Bible Give-Away (see previous post)!  I enjoyed reading many of your reflections on which Christmas Story character you can most relate to this Christmas Season.  

But before I go on, the winner is of the give-away this time is - Gina! 

I've known Gina for a long time and am excited to give her this copy of Compass.  She is a woman of God and I know she'll love using it! On an unrelated note, she and I share a passion for solid organ transplant and the gift of life that Organ Donation results in. It's one of the things I love about Gina!

And thank you to those of you who shared your thoughts on which Christmas character you can most relate to, this year.  I enjoyed reading your responses, so much that I am sharing a few of them here.  You've provided me with points to ponder, and am encouraged and challenged with what you've all said. Here are a few:

Karen said, "I think I would associate with the shepherds the most -- being afraid of the great host of angels, but wanting to go see what it was all about.  I can't imagine their astonishment and wonder as they looked at the King born in a feeding trough.  It just amazes me how God used such 'normal' people to carry His Son and to see Him for the first time.  Reminds me that God can use me, too." 

Brenda shared, "I think I most identify with Zechariah.  An angel shows up to tell him his prayers are answered and he doubts!  Doubts that God can do a miracle in he and his wife and sometimes I go through the motions, really wondering if I believe God does answer my prayers, also.  Zechariah paid a price for his doubting - but oh, how sweet the redemption at the end of his journey.  He experiences God in such a real and personal way and then he gets to be the father of John the Baptist. WOW!"

Fran commented on the last post, but I am so touched by her words, that I thought I'd share them here.  She said, "While I would love to identify with all the characters in the Christmas story, like the Wise men who showed up to lavish Jesus with gifts or with Mary who willingly bowed to unexplainable circumstances with amazing trust and faith, even at the cost of her reputation, I think I would hope to identify with the Shepherds who probably were often ignored in their seemingly menial, unseen work, yet were chose by God to be the first ones to be told Jesus had come to earth. I love how the shepherds did not hesitate to run and find Him and to tell Mary what the angel said about her Son."

Thank you, ladies for sharing!  Yes, God uses normal people, doubting people, even those who are often ignored in their seemingly menial, unseen work.  This truth truly resonates in my heart today, as I (perhaps) like you, face the ups and downs of life, questioning how God is at work and how He uses me.  

Keep on thinking and reflecting this Christmas, and above all, keep your eyes fixed on the One who came for you.  He loves you dearly! 

Compass Study Bible Review and Give-Away

Recently, I was asked to review Compass, a study Bible published by Thomas Nelson Publishers, and finally, I had a chance to sit down and soak in it for awhile. I don't know what took me so long, but what a delight it is!  A slightly different concept in Bible reading and study. Compass is interesting, informative and thought provoking, helping to apply God's Word to every day life and circumstances.

This Bible, using the "Voice" translation, relays God's Word in a fresh way, using biblical dialogue in a screenplay format.

Let me give you an example. Let's take a portion of the Christmas Story in Luke 2:8 - 19 --

⁸Nearby, in the fields outside of Bethlehem, a group of shepherds were guarding their flocks from predators in the darkness of night. ⁹Suddenly a messenger of the Lord stood in front of them, and the darkness was replaced by a glorious light—the shining light of God’s glory. They were terrified!

Messenger: ¹⁰Don’t be afraid! Listen! I bring good news, news of great joy, news that will affect all people everywhere. ¹¹Today, in the city of David, a Liberator has been born for you! He is the promised Anointed One, the Supreme Authority! ¹²You will know you have found Him when you see a baby, wrapped in a blanket, lying in a feeding trough.

¹³At that moment, the first heavenly messenger was joined by thousands of other messengers—a vast heavenly choir. They praised God.

Heavenly Choir: ¹⁴To the highest heights of the universe, glory to God!

And on earth, peace among all people who bring pleasure to God!

¹⁵As soon as the heavenly messengers disappeared into heaven, the shepherds were buzzing with conversation.

Shepherds: Let’s rush down to Bethlehem right now! Let’s see what’s happening! Let’s experience what the Lord has told us about!

¹⁶So they ran into town, and eventually they found Mary and Joseph and the baby lying in the feeding trough. After they saw the baby, ¹⁷they spread the story of what they had experienced and what had been said to them about this child. 

¹⁸Everyone who heard their story couldn’t stop thinking about its meaning. ¹⁹Mary, too, pondered all of these events, treasuring each memory in her heart.

__________________________

Robert Sanford, vice president and associate publisher at Thomas Nelson said, 'What makes Compass different is that it helps people connect with God by pointing them in the right direction and showing them how they fit into His narrative." 

In addition to the scriptures reading differently through this translation, Compass also incorporates a large number of Bible-reading helps, notes explaining the text, and even Bible search tools. It offers, along with a reading plan to help you read through the Bible in a year, a '40 Day Retreat with Jesus' study plan, and topical study guide to help direct you to God's truths regarding such topics as heaven, anger, jealousy, Jerusalem, missions, money and more!  One of my personal favorites about this study Bible, is the "Road Map to God's Promises" offered in the beginning of the Bible, to help anchor us to God's Word and ways.  What a valued treasure!

I would recommend Compass as a companion Bible to anyone interested in exploring God's Word, whether it's for the first time or the thousandth.  And I'd like to give my copy away -- not because I don't like it -- I do! -- but rather, in the Spirit of Christmas and giving. So, here you go --

Leave a comment (or email me here) and tell me which Christmas story character you see yourself most like, and why. I'll collect the names and pick one this coming Friday, December 13.  Go ahead, give it a try! Maybe you could even give Compass to someone else, just in time for Christmas! 

(Compass can be found at Walmart, and will be available on Amazon in February 2014).

Please Take a Compliment

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Knock. Knock.

Anybody there? I'm back!

It's been awhile since I wrote. (Yikes! July 29?  That was two seasons ago -- literally!)

I was deep in to the Book of Esther, studying, writing and teaching for the Women's Bible study at our church, looking at the Evidence of God's Providence -- not only throughout the story, but in our own lives. I'm sure I'll share more thoughts with you in the weeks to come. I learned a lot!

And I was busy with our Women's Christmas Tea.  Can I just say this? Working with the women at my church and ministering together is such an amazing experience. I cherish how God works in and through His people, as we share our gifts and serve Him.

I will say, though, I've had a lot of ideas bouncing around in this ole' noggin, waiting to get out.  I hope to access them out of my mental hard drive and boot them up, soon!

But for starters, I've been thinking about compliments.  Recently, my friend Amanda spoke on 'insecurities,' pointing out that, for many of us, it's hard to receive a compliment.  We minimize it, dismiss it, rationalize it, or even try and deny it. Yep. I'm guilty of this. Are you?

In response to listening to her speak, by friend Becca told me a story. (You can read more about her and her passion for health HERE).  At day, acknowledging the hesitation of humans to receive a compliment, she decided to do something different.  She printed off a pack of posters, and put them in coffee shops and spots around town.

She offered people a chance to -- Please Take a Compliment.

They had a choice.  No strings attached.  No verbal responses required.  They could just take a compliment by ripping off a little piece of paper on the poster, each offering a different compliment.

You are brave.  You are a great listener.  You made my day. I lover your persistence. You make me happy.  You are lovely. I like your dress. You have great taste.  I appreciate you. Your hair looks nice.

And then, awhile later, she went back to check out the posters, and you know what?  People had taken a compliment.  We don't know what they did with it. Maybe they walked around that day, smiling silently, cherishing a truth about them selves.  Or, maybe they passed it on.

Either way, people took a compliment.

I wonder.  Were they in need of a compliment?  Were they bone dry?  Had it been awhile since anyone noticed them?  Were they feeling down in the dumps that day?  Were they lonely?  Sad?  Feeling ordinary and not special?  Maybe it was easier for them to take it anonymously?  Easier to take one if they didn't feel compelled to explain it?

I don't know, but it has me thinking -- we need each other.  God gives us each other.

So, let's give and receive compliments -- freely.  Let's encourage one another, honestly, earnestly, truthfully, openly, frequently, not to flatter, but to build up and breath life in to.  Let's look for opportunities from the Lord AND let's also receive His gifts.  Let's work on receiving a compliment from someone, without feeling guarded, or insecure or weird.  Maybe, just maybe, the Lord is using someone to encourage our hearts today, if we would only allow Him to.  And maybe He's using us to do the same.

So, please take a compliment.  I may not know you, but I know Who does, and I think that you are an amazingly beautiful, valued creation, loved by the Father and made for a purpose!

Take that -- and believe it.  It's true!  (And then pass it along, too)!

When Resistance Bands are Wrapped Around My Plans

The course for the Chicago Urbanathlon 2013.

It all started out with a goal. A hope. A desire.

Urbanathlon 2013 (click here).

I ran the race in a relay in 2010 and then completed the whole race in 2011 (click here), but since then, let's just say, I've 'fallen off the work-out wagon.' It's not that I'm terribly out of shape, it's just that I'm not nearly as strong as I used to be (way) back then.

And so, about a month ago, I made a plan and I ran.

I started with three miles and worked my way up to seven miles, pretty quickly.

I was encouraged (read -- pumped) until the second time I ran seven miles.  It was then that hip pain settled in.  A deep boring pain in both hips was my constant companion. Whether I was running or not, it was there.  Walking, sitting, standing, lying down, I had pain.

I'll spare the details, but turns out (after seeing a professional) that I have weak hip and gluteal muscles.  The pain is mostly due to 'other' muscles tightening to help compensate for weak ones.  My compensatory hip muscles are over-firing, thus very tight, while the ones that should be strong, are terribly weak.  Did I mention that I was in a lot of pain? 

So, I was put on a running restriction and given a strengthening and stretching exercise program.  In addition, the doctor offered to work on the tight areas to help give me relief of my pain. 

It's not how I thought it would go.

Now, instead of racking up my miles and feeling good about myself for the accomplishments I make, I'm waddling back and forth across my family room with a blue resistance band strapped around my ankles, strengthening muscles that need to be strong. And I'm lying on the ground, stretching muscles that need to be relaxed. 

It's not what I planned.

I've been thinking, it's not all that different from portions of my life.

Sometimes, it's not how I thought it would go. 

It's not what I planned.

And God has other plans. I have weak areas, that I may or may not be aware of and I have tight areas in my life, that over-compensate for those weak areas -- defense mechanisms. 

Instead of going the distance and working towards the goals in my own way, God grounds me and says, "No, we're going to do it this way.  There are some ares in your life, my dear, that need to be strengthened and some areas that need to be stretched."

I don't like it. I like my orderly, organized plans that I can see and understand and check off with pride along the way. I like doing things my way.

I don't like going short distances with resistance bands wrapped around my plans.

But God knows the perfect plan.

I'm pausing on that point today. 

God knows the perfect plan for my life and what it takes for me to run the race He has marked out for me. 

I'm still hoping to run the Urbanathlon in October, and hopefully, I may even run it better, by slowing down now and focusing on the areas that need to be stronger and areas that need to be stretched.

And somehow, I'm thinking that is the case for me in some areas of my life.  God knows what He is doing.  He doesn't leave me on my own, but institutes an 'exercise and strengthening program' for my good, and He takes His Holy, healing hands, and works to give me relief, as well.

I may not understand why He does what He does or how He does it, but I am trying to trust His ways.

"I Don't Know How to Trust You in This, Lord!"

waltz-shutterstock_38230588.jpg

I'll cut right to it -- I've been worrying. Yes, worrying.

I'll spare the details for now, but I am worrying about my oldest son. He's my boy (a young adult, actually) with Cerebral Palsy. He's struggling, and I probably don't have to tell you, so am I.

For days and weeks, the heart cry that continually wells up from deep within my soul is this --

"I don't know how to trust You in this, Lord!"

The thing is, I get that we are to trust the Lord. I've heard it said, I've read about it, and I've even taught about trusting Him.  He's clear as to what we are to do.  We are to trust Him and Him alone.

But what does it look like for me today? What does it really look like to trust Him in a particularly painful situation?

Maybe you're asking yourself that question.

Maybe you're in a dark place, a difficult place, a deeply uncertain place, a broken dream place.

Maybe your marriage is failing and your heart is breaking. Maybe your child is suffering and you are bewildered as to what to do next.  Maybe you are experiencing a conflict in a relationship and are unable to come to a resolution. Maybe you are hurting physically, and there is no relief for your pain. Maybe you feel lost and loneliness permeates your days.

And perhaps you, too, are asking "What does it look like to trust You, Lord?"

I wish there were easy answers, quick answers, simple 'cookie cutter' answers.  I wish there were 'one-size fits all, pull off the shelf, slip on and go' answers. I wish there were 'clear margined' answers. I wish there were 'one-stop-shopping' answers, or 'drive-through for fast food' answers.  

More and more, I'm finding that it is not so.

And to make it more complicated, lately, I've been asking (pleading) and it seems as if the Lord's been silent.

Until this week.

In what seems like the millionth time of asking for something, He gave me a thought, something to imagine, a place to focus and remember.

When I don't know what to do, and uncertainty washes over me, like one wave after another, He gave me a picture -- a picture of Him dancing with me. 

"Come waltz with Me," I felt Him say as He pressed close to my heart.  And in my mind, I saw Him wrap His strong arm around my weary waist and His mighty, gentle hand grab hold of mine.

"Look in to my eyes, my dear one, and dance with Me.  One-two-three. One-two-three. One-two-three."

"This is what trusting Me looks like for you, right now."

"Do not look down at your own feet. Look at Me.  Feel My warm embrace.  Feel My love for you. Stay focused on Me, then when I move, you will move, to the right and the left and the front and the back.  When I pause, you will pause.  Follow my lead."

And, so, I've been picturing myself with Him. I am conscious of His warm embrace around my waist and His Holy Hand, holding me firm. I am gazing at Him -- only Him -- and I am moving with Him.

It's what trusting Him looks like for me today, in this time that He has made for me.

I'm not sure what He is doing or where He is going, but I am certain that no matter the trial or trouble or tear drenched difficulty, I am held secure in His loving arms.

Tomorrow, it may look different, as to how to trust Him.

But today, I am leaning in to His love and waltzing with Him.

What about you?  Do you ever struggle with what trusting the Lord actually looks like? How has He shown you?