Heaven -- Heavy on My Mind

The children and I climbed in to the car, and headed off to school.

The youngest one broke the silence with her sweet voice.

“I had a weird and interesting feeling this morning, Mom, ” she said.

I replied, “Hmmm.  What was that? Are you feeling okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine.  I just had this feeling like I wanted to be with God in heaven.”

A couple things crossed my mind, but I figured it was best to let her expound, rather than insert my own thoughts.

“What would you do if you were there right now?” I queried.

“Laugh with God, ”she giggled. “I’d crawl up in to God’s lap and have lots of snuggles.”

That started our conversation on heaven on the way to school today.   We talked about what it will look like and feel like, and who they looked forward to seeing the most when they get there.

Other than Jesus, I was surprised by what they all said -- “Parker.” 

What surprised me is that Parker isn’t even in heaven yet. He’s still here on earth.

Parker is my son and their older brother.  Born with a physical disability, cerebral palsy, Parker struggles to stand and walk. His legs are weak and tight.  A young man now, life has not always been easy for Parker. 

“Parker? Why Parker?”  I asked.

And one after the other, they each went on to explain.

“It’s just going to be very cool.  He’s going to have a new body and new legs. He’s going to be able to run and jump. He’s not going to struggle anymore. We can hardly wait to see him run free. And he'll be so excited and happy!”

And I agreed. It's going to be "very cool."

So, I’ve had heaven heavy on my mind today.  I’m picturing my Father and I, laughing, snuggled up, surrounded in great comfort. And I’m picturing Jesus. What a glorious sight it will be, and how my heart will sigh joy and rest.  And I’m picturing Parker, free from the struggle of the cerebral palsy. And I’m picturing me and you and my friends and family, free from disappointments and broken hearts and ailments and sorrow.

This life? It’s but a vapor. In the twinkling of an eye, it will all be different. No more tears. No more sorrow.  No more pain.  Just joy. And tons of it.

I don’t about you, but it helps me get through today and tomorrow and as many tomorrows as the Lord shall give. It helps me to love the Lord more, serve Him more selflessly, persevere though the pain, and love others as He has loved me.

What about you?  Ever have heaven heavy on your mind? Who are you most looking forward to seeing, and why? 

A Resurrection Love Basket

My littlest one was home sick this week, so we took time to do lots of snuggling and to create.

It’s our yearly tradition to make a resurrection basket at Easter time.  Small potted plants placed in a basket are surrounded by symbols to remind us of Jesus and His love.  His sacrificial love.  His resurrection love.

A purple ribbon and a nail.

A stone. 

The resurrection basket sits on our counter in the kitchen. The flowers bloomed today. 

A cross.

A cloth and thorns.

Life and beauty. 

This basket and it's symbols have me thinking.

Do I live His sacrificial love? Do I live His resurrection love?

Do I lay down my wants and seek what God wants?

Do I bring life out of dark places with my words and actions?

Do I bring hope in to the lives of those who are near to completely hopeless?

Do I live less of me and more of Jesus?

Do I extend grace rather than hold it tight in my hard heart?

Do I lay down my life for someone else in need, when He calls?

Do I speak words of truth that spring living from the ground or do I condemn with my looks and with my words?

Do I love much or do I love little?

Do I let His light shine through me or do I board up the windows and hide in the darkness of my own fear and shame?

Do I seek His ways or do I go my own way?

I think I need to pray. I need help. Maybe you do, too.

Lord, help me to remember You every day.  Help to look at the life around me and think of the life that you gave me. Help me to be sensitive to your Spirit to live Your sacrificial love as I love You and love others for You.  Help me to live out Your resurrection love as I hope in You everyday and bring Your hope and life to the ones You love.  Remind me of what You’ve done for me, so that I can do it for others. Amen

A Free Falling Faith Into My Father's Arms

f

I wasn’t planning on posting today.  I’m speaking tonite for a women’s group and am in full prep and prayer mode, but I love what came in an email to be today,  from a friend, and  just had to write about it.

One of my (many) issues is – trust.  I won’t get in to all the reasons why that may be so, but suffice it to say – I sometimes i struggle with trust, and sometimes even (deep breath) trusting God.

My friend wrote to me about something going on in her life, and then added these words.

“My greatest desire is to be totally dependent on God and to let my desire to have a plan and be in control not be a stumbling block for what God wants to do in my life. To be able to free fall into my Father's arms.”

… to be able to free fall into my Father’s arms …

I love it!  That’s my hearts desire, too … to be able to free fall into my Father’s arms.

I’ve never been to a ‘team building workshop,’ but I’ve heard of them.  Often times, they’ll build ‘team trust’ (I don’t know if they call it that, but it sounds good) by having a group of people stand behind one person, tell the one person to close their eyes and fall back freely, learning to trust that their team members will catch them.

Sounds scary to me.  I’m not so sure if I’d be the first to raise my hand to give it a whirl.  Truth is, I may be the first one to try and peek over my shoulder or stick a leg out when I’m at about a 30 degree slant, in order to catch myself, just in case. 

Either way, it’s a good picture for me to super-impose on my relationship with the Lord and my willingness to trust Him.  

Do I trust Him enough to lie back and let Him catch me? 

I posed that same question to my friend in a return email. 

She responded.

“I struggle with that free falling kind of trust. I would rather just "Martha it" myself, but I do believe that He would love for me to trust Him unhindered and uninhibited. I want to let go of my desire to control, let Him take the lead and trust like a little child.  He has given me every reason to do so.”

Just the what I needed to be reminded of today, my "free falling faith kind of friend."  I suppose Someone knew that.  

I’m heading off to teach tonite.  As usual, I’m nervous and feeling a bit vulnerable, but I’m going to show up with a ‘free falling kind of faith’ and trust the Lord to take the lead.  He has given me every reason to do so.

Giving Up More Than Stuff for the Sake of Jesus

I’m a bit late.

Ash Wednesday was last week, the beginning of the Lenten season. 

It’s long been a tradition in some denominations of the church to ‘sacrifice’ something in ones life for the sake of Christ, as we walk the road with Him, up until Resurrection Day – Easter Sunday.

I hear and overhear people talking about what they are ‘giving up’ for Lent.  Chocolate.  Soda. Popcorn.  Straightening their hair.  Curling their hair. 

And people (including my children) are asking me, “What did you give up for Lent?”

I haven’t given up anything. Yet.  Sure, I could afford to give up dessert (although, truthfully, there may be an ulterior motive involved), or fixing my hair a certain way, or sacrificing a particular snack for Jesus.

But this year, it just isn’t resonating with my soul.

It seems – well, and I mean no offense by this – it seems cheap.

And although I can’t be certain, I’m starting to think that Jesus may appreciate something a bit deeper than our sacrificing stuff for His sake.

It’s not that I don’t think He cares about our willingness to give up something for Him, it’s just that I think what Jesus is really about is our heart.

And so I’m wondering (and maybe you’d like to wonder along with me?), what if we give up something deeper, something more meaningful, something that will change us to be more like Jesus?

What if we give up worry?

Or give up doubting the Lord?

Or give up controlling others?

Or give up complaining?

What if we give up judging others and criticizing?

Or give up comparing ourselves to someone else?

Or give up fearing our future?

Or give up our bitterness?

What if we give up having things our way?

Better late than never, as the old saying goes.  I’m still working on asking the Lord which one I might consider giving up this year. Sadly enough, there are more than a few from the list above that I can choose. 

This is not going to be easy ...

What about you?  

Lies in Need of Vaporizing and Truths that Do the Job

The green vapor of venom wafted past my heart.

Lies. 

Subtle Lies. Loathsome Lies. Bold Lies  Twisted and evil lies.

“You are not enough.”

“You are unworthy.”

“You are invisible.”

“You are pathetic.”

I wasn’t expecting the odor nor the hissing sound, of the vile venom, that came out of nowhere.

I’m getting better at sensing their presence and knowing their smell.  

They reek and resonate of destruction.

These lies from the past or the present, they come to me when I am weary and worn down from the troubles of this world, troubles that taunt me to believe that I am not truly who I am – Whose I am.

Lies.  Like old tapes and stinky smells, they come in to our senses and try to convince us that we are not worthy and not loved by God.

But they are just that – LIES.

My dear reader, maybe you need to hear this today – YOU ARE LOVED, DEEPLY, SACRIFICIALLY and WITHOUT END.

But don’t take my word for it, take His.

You are redeemed (Rev. 5:9). 

You are Christ’s possession (1 Cor 3:23).  

You are free (John 8: 32-36).  

You are a friend of God (John 15:15).  

You are chosen (James 2:5).  

You are a child of the light (Ephesians 5:8).  

You are significant (Phil 3:20).  

You are loved (John 3:16). 

Period. Amen.

What lies taunt you?  What truths help vaporize those lies? Take heart, dear friend, Jesus is crazy in love WITH you and He is FOR you.

A Silly Oversight with Cupcakes

This is my drawing of a cupcake ... not a tub of popcorn!

My middle daughter invited a few girls over for a group project. I rushed off to the grocery store to pick up some cupcakes.  Generally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of ‘group projects,’ so I thought I’d try and make it fun.  Like a party!

The thing is, in recent years I find I need my glasses more and more.  Early on, I only needed them for reading, but now … well, I probably should get to the eye doctor, because my eyes are starting to slightly blur, even at mid-distances.

Anyway, I was NOT wearing my glasses. 

I went over to the display case, and picked up two packages of brightly frosted cupcakes. 

I went home.

I served the cupcakes to my eleven year old and her friends.

The next day, while working in the kitchen, I glanced at the leftover cupcakes, this time with my reading glasses ON.

Martini glasses.  What I saw was small, plastic martini glasses (complete with painted olives) on the top of the cupcakes!

“Honestly,” I mumbled to myself, “I sure hope those little girls didn’t bring home the decorations, and show their parents the fun free gift that they had on their cupcake!”

Slightly, embarrassing!

Reminds me, though, that there are some things I need to keep put my physical glasses on for (and apparently, cupcake shopping is one of them!) , and lots of things I need to keep my spiritual lenses on for.  Sometimes, things just aren’t as they seem!

Life is humbling, but the Lord is always giving us opportunities to connect life with the eternal … even in a plastic martini glass decoration!

How about you?  Any humbling, silly experiences got you thinking about the Lord, lately?

Will I Trust Him Even When I Do Not Understand?

It’s not that it was something bad; it’s just that I had a sense that the timing wasn’t right.

I had to hold back on an opportunity for one of my children.

I knew she was disappointed.

“Why can’t I do it, mom?  It will be fun! I’ll be fine!”

There were a number of reasons I didn’t want her to go.  I knew she was tired and I knew what was on the schedule for the days to come.  I knew a few more things, though, too. Things that I felt were not necessary for her to understand at this point.

“We’re just not going to do that today,” I encouraged her, my hand of gentle care and concern, cupping her heart.

“But, why?” she pleaded. “Why?”

She persisted. I listened.  

And then wise words welled up from deep within me, and I spoke softly to her.

“Honey, can you trust me?  I think you’re tired, the days ahead are going to be full, and I just don’t think that this is good for you, today. Will you trust me, even if you don’t understand?”

She thought about it for a few minutes. Who can blame her? Trusting when reasons are not crystal clear, is not easy.

“Yes, mom.  I trust you.  It’s hard, but I will.”

You see, sometimes I am the little girl with plans.  I have high hopes of wanting situations to go a certain way. I have things to do, places to go, people to spend time with, and I think they are good – good for me. 

But there are times in my life, like right now, when God says, “No, my dear. Not now.”

I pleadingly persist, and He listens.

And then I finally listen, and realize that He says to me what I did to my daughter (I knew I had learned it from somewhere), “Are you willing to trust Me, honey? I know you are disappointed about My holding back on an opportunity for you. However, I think you’re tired. The days ahead are going to be full; I planned them. Furthermore, I don’t think that what you are asking for is good for you, right now; I know a few things that you don't need to know right now.  Will you trust me, even if you do not understand?”

(sigh)  

(sigh, again) 

His soft voice searches the hesitant, doubting corners of my heart.

And I finally choose to trust Him, believing that He knows what is best for me and for those around me. 

It’s not easy. He never said it would be.

What about you? Do you have a hard time trusting the Lord when the path ahead seems to be uncertain, when life doesn’t make sense?