It seems to happen every year around Mother’s Day.
I am bombarded by emotions that I can never totally sort out. Even sharing them makes me feel vulnerable and exposed and I fear, “What if I am the only one who feels this way?”
You see, I struggle with a combination of gratefulness and grief and guilt – and other yet-to-be determined thoughts and feelings when it comes to Mother’s Day.
I am truly grateful. I thank the Lord for my children. They are a gift. I don’t want to minimize my joy in having them – I’m crazy in love with them.
I’m thankful for my mother.
I’m thankful for the women in my life who have mothered me in special ways.
However, my heart also tightens with sorrow.
Every year I grieve for those who want children and do not have them.
I grieve for those who struggle with infertility.
I grieve for those who miscarried. I have known this pain.
I grieve for those who have lost a child to death.
I grieve for the mother’s around the world who do not have food or clothing or housing for their children.
I grieve for those who lost a child to abortion, and now look back and deal with guilt and shame.
I grieve for those who have been hurt by their own mothers, either through abuse or neglect. I grieve that, in turn, they often do not feel loved or valued.
I grieve for those who entered motherhood with hopes and dreams for their child, and who are walking a different path than they expected with a child with special needs, a child who rebels, or a child who is hurting. I know this sorrow, too.
I’m not sure what to always do with all this conglomeration of joys and sorrows, other than be open and honest with the Lord, letting them permeate the Heart of Heaven and asking Him to care for those who need His strength and love. I know He is the One who knows all and will bring comfort and joy, and so I am praying.
That’s where my heart is today, dear reader. If there is something I can pray for you, specifically, please let me know. I would count it a privilege to do so.